TALK TO LADY JAY (naughty bits)

Hmmm, my wife must be emptying my socks and working on a home business. Fear not, Haggis, I bathe at least once a month.

That must be reassuring for the cliantro.

Cilantro . . . wasn't that a Toyota?

My bad. I was thinking of your VESPA.

My God, MM! Delete that picture. Next thing, Jay will want to put a pink bow on it.

Too late, Haggis. I'm sending it to CorelPAINT.

That's the first pic that actually makes Haggis look cute and sweet...

Haggis said:

Serious questions? Sure.

What is the point of cilantro? Its obnoxious, overpowering flavor ruins every dish that uses it.

Click to expand...

One word: Menudo
It's the only thing that kills the smell and taste of boiled tripe.

MidnightMuse said:

So who can help me figure out how to make pudding thicken with soy milk?

Click to expand...

Xanthan gum


(What's with all the culinary questions? Is this working up to stuffing Haggis... with liver, lights, and oatmeal, of course... in preparation for some weird Cabaret buffet?)

Jaycinth said:

...i'lljustgochangemyclothes,thankyou....

Click to expand...

Hmmmmm....

Don't worry, Haggis. I will look after you. Here are sixteen nubile pomeranians to rub your tummy and some fresh steak bits for nibbles.

Hey! What are those poms doing in here? I'm supposed to be the cute bitch!

Soccer Mom said:

Hey! What are those poms doing in here? I'm supposed to be the cute bitch!

Click to expand...

Those are Haggis' groupies.

"And each and every one a WIRGIN!! You don't believe me? Go ahead, ask Helga! *WHAP!!*"

Jaycinth said:

thisislikemyprivateoffficeapartmentwhycan'tyoufolkstakethisoutintothebarduringbusinesshours....

Click to expand...

Because we know how LONELY you would be here without us Besides, we're going to try an office stuffing party, like the Marx Brothers in the steamship stateroom.

* staggers in from bar* Urp, lessee...We got us a bunch of virgans...um Viorginians...whatever... pom pom thingys. Thash good. Good.

God, I'm gonna have a headache tomorrow. Better get me some menudo. No cilantro, though.

Man, I'm so tired. Wheresh Schockker? Man, that...um...puppy is fine. She's got four pair of the finest...

*BARRAK* Urp...schusze me...

No political innuendoes intended.

Dum, dee, dee...

HEY, JAYCINTH. WAKE UP. ITSH PARTY TIME!

::snarls at a pom wandering a tad too close::

Out! All you blonds! Out of here.

Interlopers.

Soccer Mom said:

::snarls at a pom wandering a tad too close::

Out! All you blonds! Out of here.

Interlopers.

Click to expand...

Now, now. Let's not be racist.

Jaycinth said:

Oh Great. Undocumented Pomeranians.

Click to expand...

They're here as part of a Good Will exchange program, and they're all applying for Green Cards.

I'm fermished. I forgot--or never knew in the first place--what the issues are here. If it has anything to do with The Comedy Caberet, I don't much care if their cards are green or lavender, as long as they pour boldly.