AW's Super-Dooper Newbie Pub Where Newbies Can Chat With Golden Oldies

KellyAssauer said:

*bricks up window*

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Hey! I worked HARD on that stained glass window!! And it was looking a lot like Jed, if I do say so...

Jorshington said:

*colors a window and blinks at newbies*

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Still not as nice as the original, grumble.

JimABassPlayer said:

I thought Henry IV part 1 was great, but didn't care for part 2 at all. Overall, I also thought most of the three plays about Henry VI were good, but (like the rest of Shakespeare's histories) bore little semblance to the actual history they were supposedly portraying (much like when Hollywood does "history").

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Sometimes Shakespeare was rather suspect in history sources.

CassandraW said:

Oh, I love Titus Andronicus.

*swings axes, severing hands, heads, tongues, etc., of entire dramatis personae and leaving them scattered over stage*

*Exits*

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Oh, this inspires a new stage direction! "Exit newbies stage left, chased by axe-swinging baby*

Psst, newbies, there's a trapdoor you can re-enter from. Just don't tell Cassandra where it is.

*whistles innocently*

slcboston said:

I'm Henry the Eighth I am, I am!

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You are the worst ear-worm planter ever. I hate you, little lamb.

Kuranes said:

I never get invited to the fun parties.....

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I'll invite you to my Revenger's Tragedy dramatic reading, if that makes you feel better? Thomas Middleton is so much better than Shakespeare anyway!

Aphrodite said:

As my eyes adjust, I notice a play on the bar in front of me.
I read softly, out loud to myself, "Dramatists' Play Service, New York, New York. A Midsummer's Night Dream, by William Shakespeare"

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CassandraW said:

Hey, you know, Aphrodite...if we can't work the corpses into "A Midsummer Night's Dream," and you're not into doing "Titus," we could always do "Macbeth" or "Hamlet" or something. I'm pretty sure we'd need some bodies for that.

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No. No Midsummer Night's Dream. Anything but that. Gack. That's it, I'm hiding the trapdoor in the pub with a chair and waiting until Puck comes by so I can drop him in it. *Shudders*

*stalks off muttering "hate that play"*
*shouts from outside pub "let me know if you're doing Hamlet! I call dibs on Polonius. Seems only fitting."*

And I'd make a great Hamlet. Just saying.

*practices hacking through tapestry*

Casting Call: Hamlet

*scribbles furiously*

Ok, so we have Cassandra as Hamlet, moi as Polonius...

Kuranes, you want Horatio?
Jim? Good guy or bad guy? Or interesting side character?
Who wants to be the mother?

Quick, start talking folks or we start assigning. Chop chop. Or I'll start rambling on about "brevity is the soul of wit" just to torture you all until you do sign up.

Ya know, if people were in the mood for a comedy, we could do a quickie version of "A Midsummer Night's Dream."

Here we go!

*beheads Puck*

*bows*

*Steps back into pub*

No Puck? Ah...

*sits down for a baileys*
*sniffs it for poison just in case.*
*grumbles, "I said Polonius, not the king"*

What the hell are you kids doing in here?

(shh, Porter, you'll spoil the suspense)

*leans up from trapdoor under pub chair with hockey stick in hand, hooks dead body of Puck and pulls down under stage/pub floor*

Don't worry, Jed, I'll find a mop.

*Hauls off Puck to the Hounds for munchies*

PorterStarrByrd said:

What the hell are you kids doing in here?

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Do you want a part, Porter?

im thinking we could write in a character because

I was thinking Porter could be Ophelia only instead of having her drown Hamlet could hatchet her to death since I'd enjoy that more though now that I think about it Porter would look pretty good with flowers in his beard all floating downriver because

it is parties like this that make parents think closely or so about ever leaving the house until the kids are old enough to be bound and gagged for more than a hour or so at a time when they might be home or somewhere with the insurance all sort of paid up in full and the police notified to cruise by with dogs every few minutes or so to make sure what is going on isnt going to go on for long or so and the neighbors have all of their doors locked in case somebody strays off in a stupor or something but if the kids have something good to read and a little of the right kind of drugs to keep them quiet like maybe a gallon or so of Benadryl each then they might be able to be left in a house for a little longer if the pets have a safe place to hide because

*Trudges into the pub with mop and bucket, and begins to help cleanup in preparation for the next play, which will be needing fresh corpses. Takes care to toss severed limbs into the green compost bin.*

*gasp, horror*

Porter used punctuation in his because statement! Heads shall roll.

*cue Cassandra*

Broamalia said:

*Trudges into the pub with mop and bucket, and begins to help cleanup in preparation for the next play, which will be needing fresh corpses. Takes care to toss severed limbs into the green compost bin.*

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Excellent! Broamalia, would you like to lead the stage crew? We need someone to herd the cats, er, I mean glorious act-ORS.

Or we could use a Dramaturg. Or you can have a part, too. Or...yea, I'll be quiet now.

*eyes pub gleefully, envisioning the ghosts of Denmark trouncing through like sugarplumbs dancing through a newbie's head*

tiddlywinks said:

*gasp, horror*

Porter used punctuation in his because statement! Heads shall roll.

*cue Cassandra*

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*wakes up with a start*

Oh, did I miss my cue? Sorry, sorry, sorry!

*beheads Porter*

Broamalia said:

Is the font of my posts really this small? Is there a way I can change the default size? (Sry, new to boards in general)

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On my computer, the font of your posts looks exactly like the default font of everyone else's posts!

Go to "advanced" if you want to change the font and size for an individual post.

CassandraW said:

*wakes up with a start*

Oh, did I miss my cue? Sorry, sorry, sorry!

*beheads Porter*

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*shakes head*

CUT! CUT!

We simply have to do this again. Someone, get this baby some coffee so she can properly divest Porter of his bearded visage.

zzzzzzz pp zzzzzzz

* farts *

If I'm to have a part in aught other than Macbeth I'll need to study the script pretty extensively... I will shepherd your kitties for you, and gladly.

zzzzzzz gmp zzzzz

*cue ax-baby*
*taps foot, listens to Porter snore some more*

She's run off into the cabbie. Blast. Porter, stop with the peanut gallery antics or I'll open the trapdoor and dispatch with you forthwith.

CassandraW said:

And I'd make a great Hamlet. Just saying.

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Oh, good.

*adds bacon and an English muffin*


Wait, you said HAMlet. My mistake.

Carry on.

zzzzzzzzz

There will be no sleeping on stage.

*tacks up casting call on bulletin board near dart board*
*eyes Porter with more mutters under breath*
*takes red pen and scritches in footnote: "Porter is hereby banned from this production because"*

*wanders into Pub and sees changes
*wonders when the place became a theater
*wanders behind bar to review tapes
*is very grateful someone else cleaned up the corpses
*serves self a Baileys and settles in for the show - rehersals are always the best to watch anyway

Hi, Pubbers.

Welcome to the new folks. I see y'all have made yourselves to home.

"Hi everyone!"

I walk to the bar and place a large plastic-wrapped platter heaped with brownies down, then step behind and pour the dregs of the remaining coffee into a mug.

"Honestly, had a query from a guy wanted me to re-write his fan-fic script for only a few hundred australian dollars."

I shake my head, and grin.

"He'd had coverage, which I found in his millions of emails trying to goad me into the deficient deal."

I sit down at the bar, and sip the now luke-warm and somewhat granular coffee.

"But, well I had read the script prior to finding the coverage in the reams of emails. It wasn't bad, but, well, there was no story. I counter bid a full re-write for about $15 US a page. I felt sorry for him. It was intended to be a feature length thing."

I steal a brownie from the beneath the plastic wrap.

"He should have understood. The one holding the goad is always me. But, I sent him a reply, being as diplomatic as I could be. I told him he had 'story issues' but, I've a feeling he won't get the point there is no story contained in the script."

I sip more, and then pick coffee grounds from my lips.

"He didn't pay for script coverage. But, the previous coverage plainly stated that there was no story. I hope he gets it before he hires film people. Although, with his budget, (at least the part covering the re-write was bad, if that's an indicator,) I don't think that will happen during the history of the earth."

I take another bite of brownie and resume speaking while eating.

"I feel all funny, having to take an axe to someone's heart like that. He's emotionally invested in the project, but, I don't think he wrote it. He was using a pseudonym, however."

I continue eating.