I’m new to the Absolute Write forums but have been visiting them for several years. Ever since I was 12-years-old, I’ve been freelancing and writing short stories, novels, and screenplays…you could say I’m a semi-professional writer. For years, however, I’ve been carrying a struggle on my shoulders. I thought it’d be nice to vent to like-minded people who’ve probably had the same frustrations. It might come off as sappy in some parts, but I want to share my story, nevertheless, and would like to hear about your experiences as well.
Five years ago, in 2008, I finished my first true novel. It was a gangster/thriller story about a group of vigilantes, and though it wasn’t the first novel I’d written, it was the first one I’d ever finished and fully rewritten. I enjoyed writing it, and while I mainly wrote it to see what I could do and where I could go with my talents, I was eager to get it published.
Thus, I began sending out query letters. I had never done so before, so I only sent out one-or-two letters a day. When the rejections started rolling in, though, I soon began sending out anywhere from five-to-ten queries a day, depending on who I could find. After almost a year of sending out queries, I received exactly 264 rejection letters…and those were merely the letters I had actually received. Only one partial was requested, but it was rejected the next day. The only people even remotely interested were vanity publishers, including one who wanted $8,000 to publish it. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered it.
I didn’t care, though, to be honest. Like I mentioned, I mainly write my first novel to see where I could go with it. I’d learned a lot in a year, and I wanted to go farther.
Soon, I began writing another novel. This one was a horror/science-fiction story revolving around a mad scientist. (I’m still very proud of it, and have considered redoing it.) Immediately, I began sending out queries, mostly to the agents I had reached out to with my first novel; but once again, the rejections started rolling in. To add insult to injury, my computer crashed one day and I lost the entire manuscript. Consequently, I rewrote the novel once more, and it turned out much better than the original draft. I was ecstatic, and my confidence boosted with the new manuscript. However, everything only went downhill from there.
It took four years before I gave up. From early 2009 to mid-2012, I worked on my second novel, constantly rewriting and editing it. Only three partials were ever requested, but they were shot down in flames. Before long, I began getting numerous rejection letters every single day. It was always the same…“Too violent.” “Good query, but not interested.” “Can’t market it.” “Not what I’m considering.” “Not right for me and my current needs.” There were some agents who actually insulted my writing. At that point, I thought there was something wrong with the actual writing portion, and so I rewrote the novel again…and rewrote it…and rewrote it…and rewrote it some more. But it did nothing but make it worse. I became so frantic with rewrites that the novel became disorganized, and soon, it was nothing but a jumbled, incomprehensible mess. Trying to make my story better actually had the opposite effect.
By the time I gave up on my novel four years later, I had garnered 843 rejection letters, which probably sounds ridiculous but is true. Around this time, I became exceptionally depressed and dejected. I almost completely gave up on writing. There were no clear signs or silver linings indicating that I should move forward…but I did anyways.
While my second novel was failing miserably last year, I began working on my third novel. I’ve finished it, and I can proudly say that it’s exceeded everything I’ve ever written before. Once again, it’s a horror/sci-fi novel, but for me personally, it’s like no other horror or sci-fi story I’ve ever read before. I’m extremely proud of it, more proud of anything else I’ve ever done, and I know I can go far with it. I started sending out queries last month, in early February. I’ve gotten only 69 rejections at this time of writing, but so far, three partials have been requested. One of them was rejected, but the other two are still being reviewed. It’s killing me, having to wait for a response, but I’m still trying to be optimistic, and am still sending out queries on a daily basis. Even agents who have rejected it have given me feedback and advice, which is extremely unusual for me. And at this point, even when I do get a rejection, I don’t take it for granted, and it doesn’t faze me whatsoever. I ask myself every day, “How much longer do I have to wait until someone notices me?” But even if it takes another five years, then so be it. I’m okay with that. If it means learning something new in exchange for my blood, sweat, and tears, then I suppose it’s perfectly alright.
To be truthful, storytelling is all I really have to rely on in my life. That might sound ridiculous to most people, but it truly does means that much to me. It’s one of the few things that will never turn its back on me, and will always give me confidence. Ever since I started writing, I’ve wandered from job-to-job and place-to-place, attempting to chase a dream the best I can. I don’t remember a day when I wasn’t lectured about “getting a real job,” and how making a living off “ghosts and monsters” isn’t how you “live in the real world.” When this happens, I just think about how Stephen King once threw “Carrie” in the garbage, but then his wife retrieved it and convinced him to continue writing. I’ve considered self-publishing, but also considering how I have no people-skills whatsoever, I’d rather be represented by an agent who can protect my interests, especially since I am still young. Besides, I’m determined to be discovered at this point and will not stop until I am. Even if my current novel fails, I’m going to keep trying…even if it kills me.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. I thought other writers out there, looking to be published, would like to know. Has anyone else experienced this, or is currently experiencing this? As mentioned, I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’d like to hear your experiences, and whether or not you succeeded.
Thanks for reading,
EE Lawless
Five years ago, in 2008, I finished my first true novel. It was a gangster/thriller story about a group of vigilantes, and though it wasn’t the first novel I’d written, it was the first one I’d ever finished and fully rewritten. I enjoyed writing it, and while I mainly wrote it to see what I could do and where I could go with my talents, I was eager to get it published.
Thus, I began sending out query letters. I had never done so before, so I only sent out one-or-two letters a day. When the rejections started rolling in, though, I soon began sending out anywhere from five-to-ten queries a day, depending on who I could find. After almost a year of sending out queries, I received exactly 264 rejection letters…and those were merely the letters I had actually received. Only one partial was requested, but it was rejected the next day. The only people even remotely interested were vanity publishers, including one who wanted $8,000 to publish it. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered it.
I didn’t care, though, to be honest. Like I mentioned, I mainly write my first novel to see where I could go with it. I’d learned a lot in a year, and I wanted to go farther.
Soon, I began writing another novel. This one was a horror/science-fiction story revolving around a mad scientist. (I’m still very proud of it, and have considered redoing it.) Immediately, I began sending out queries, mostly to the agents I had reached out to with my first novel; but once again, the rejections started rolling in. To add insult to injury, my computer crashed one day and I lost the entire manuscript. Consequently, I rewrote the novel once more, and it turned out much better than the original draft. I was ecstatic, and my confidence boosted with the new manuscript. However, everything only went downhill from there.
It took four years before I gave up. From early 2009 to mid-2012, I worked on my second novel, constantly rewriting and editing it. Only three partials were ever requested, but they were shot down in flames. Before long, I began getting numerous rejection letters every single day. It was always the same…“Too violent.” “Good query, but not interested.” “Can’t market it.” “Not what I’m considering.” “Not right for me and my current needs.” There were some agents who actually insulted my writing. At that point, I thought there was something wrong with the actual writing portion, and so I rewrote the novel again…and rewrote it…and rewrote it…and rewrote it some more. But it did nothing but make it worse. I became so frantic with rewrites that the novel became disorganized, and soon, it was nothing but a jumbled, incomprehensible mess. Trying to make my story better actually had the opposite effect.
By the time I gave up on my novel four years later, I had garnered 843 rejection letters, which probably sounds ridiculous but is true. Around this time, I became exceptionally depressed and dejected. I almost completely gave up on writing. There were no clear signs or silver linings indicating that I should move forward…but I did anyways.
While my second novel was failing miserably last year, I began working on my third novel. I’ve finished it, and I can proudly say that it’s exceeded everything I’ve ever written before. Once again, it’s a horror/sci-fi novel, but for me personally, it’s like no other horror or sci-fi story I’ve ever read before. I’m extremely proud of it, more proud of anything else I’ve ever done, and I know I can go far with it. I started sending out queries last month, in early February. I’ve gotten only 69 rejections at this time of writing, but so far, three partials have been requested. One of them was rejected, but the other two are still being reviewed. It’s killing me, having to wait for a response, but I’m still trying to be optimistic, and am still sending out queries on a daily basis. Even agents who have rejected it have given me feedback and advice, which is extremely unusual for me. And at this point, even when I do get a rejection, I don’t take it for granted, and it doesn’t faze me whatsoever. I ask myself every day, “How much longer do I have to wait until someone notices me?” But even if it takes another five years, then so be it. I’m okay with that. If it means learning something new in exchange for my blood, sweat, and tears, then I suppose it’s perfectly alright.
To be truthful, storytelling is all I really have to rely on in my life. That might sound ridiculous to most people, but it truly does means that much to me. It’s one of the few things that will never turn its back on me, and will always give me confidence. Ever since I started writing, I’ve wandered from job-to-job and place-to-place, attempting to chase a dream the best I can. I don’t remember a day when I wasn’t lectured about “getting a real job,” and how making a living off “ghosts and monsters” isn’t how you “live in the real world.” When this happens, I just think about how Stephen King once threw “Carrie” in the garbage, but then his wife retrieved it and convinced him to continue writing. I’ve considered self-publishing, but also considering how I have no people-skills whatsoever, I’d rather be represented by an agent who can protect my interests, especially since I am still young. Besides, I’m determined to be discovered at this point and will not stop until I am. Even if my current novel fails, I’m going to keep trying…even if it kills me.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. I thought other writers out there, looking to be published, would like to know. Has anyone else experienced this, or is currently experiencing this? As mentioned, I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’d like to hear your experiences, and whether or not you succeeded.
Thanks for reading,
EE Lawless
