Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

I vote for sticking with third person: She had to tell someone. But who?

The constant switching bothers me (as a reader).

MTF

stranger said:

Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether something is a direct thought or not. I read (pronounced red) somewhere that if you use a deep POV, where you are deeply inside your characters head then you don't need the italics.

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Sometimes the choice might depend on how verbalized the thought is.

katee said:

BIC was going so well for me until I hit the current scene I'm up to. Writing it feels like wading through mental molasses.

I'd like to recapture that feeling of fun I was having a couple of thousand words ago. (I seem to have misplaced it - anyone pick it up?)

Are there any good ways to get through scenes like this? I know where my story is going because I've done a fairly decent outline.

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I'm running into a similar thing, but I think I figured out the reason. Figure out the reason why you're sticking and it'll help figure out how to unstick.

Mine, in this case, was that I was pulling the character away from the essence-of-the-character I'd established for her in my mind. I was making her do things in a way she wouldn't do them... so it was, obviously, very difficult to make her do them. Once I realized what I was doing and switched tactics, it became much easier to see how to finish the scene.

Another common thing that slows a story down in the 15-30k mark is running out of the energy given by the initial idea. One solution to that one is to retreat from the keyboard and see where the stuff that's already been established can lead... if it can't lead anywhere, it's not a very good beginning .

katee said:

And thinking about this scene in particular: there isn't any conflict. And its only purpose is to provide a logical link in the story. My protagonist has to get from A to B and the scene is getting her on the journey. I don't want to leave it out, but maybe instead of a lengthy scene with dialog, I should wrap it up quickly with narrative?

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Good realization! No-conflict scenes are killers.

Either introduce plot-related (or relateable) conflict, or skip the scene entirely. Leave a note in the manuscript saying "Insert description of X's trip to Y here." It's fairly likely that, when you read the thing over again later, you'll decide to just delete the note and go on with what you have, because it'll work just fine.

jdparadise said:

Another common thing that slows a story down in the 15-30k mark is running out of the energy given by the initial idea. One solution to that one is to retreat from the keyboard and see where the stuff that's already been established can lead... if it can't lead anywhere, it's not a very good beginning .

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This is very true. As a recovering serial novel-abandoner, though, I'd suggest you not give in to the impulse to stop and evaluate. If you're too critical, you might say "this is hopelessly shitty," and give up. It may actually be shitty, but it's probably too early to tell if it's hopeless (it's certainly too early for you to judge that accurately). And to paraphrase Uncle Jim, not finishing guarantees that the book will never be published.

MTF

Comment and question:

I got to the end of my novel and am revising. My POV was 3rd, limited, with a POV change nearly every scene. I did direct thoughts in first person, and underscored.

Of course, in revision, I see places where the narrative seems to come from the POV character's thoughts, so I have to clarify what the narrative says and what a character has to think 'out loud.'

For example:

[font=&quot]The tunnel was a little over a meter in diameter, with walls more smooth than a typical digger would cut. Could the tunnel have been made by some digger from Goliath? Max floated in the opening, examining it. No, the sequence is all wrong. Kyle had definitely entered the asteroid before Goliath arrived. [/font]

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'Goliath' is a ship name, and so italicized (underscored.) The sentence "Kyle had definitely..." is part of the narrative, but could be turned into Max's direct thoughts. I'd underscore it and delete "had." I might change "arrived" into "showed up."

As for my question, my novel seems to have been written by someone smarter than I am. It shouldn't surprise me, because it's a year of brain work condensed to just a few hours of reading. But should I work at making the reader feel smarter? I certainly enjoy a book more when I think I've figured out things the author hasn't specifically stated. How much should I let the reader read between the lines?

It would be like stroking the reader's ego. Is this something you can or should shoot for?

Making the reader feel smart is a good thing.

Originally posted by James D. Macdonald
Making the reader feel smart is a good thing.

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I've never seen any discussion on doing this. Is it just a matter of leaving enough details for the average (or smarter) reader to put pieces together?

I guess I already do this. I just don't think of it as helping the reader feel smart.

This technique could be used for misdirection. But I don't suppose it would be a bad thing for the reader to be surprised once per book.

I try to hide my clues a little and let the reader's subconscious put them together. It makes the end click, and the reader doesn't jump up and say, "Hey, this wasn't supposed to happen!"
But, personally, I don't like knowing endings in advance - I like my surprises just fine.

James D. Macdonald said:

Bull your way through. It's okay to skip ahead and write bits that haven't happened yet. It isn't okay to stop this project. If you feel the need to start a second book -- give it its own BIC time in your day.

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I tend to have two WIPs at any given time, from completely different genres, so if I get stuck on -- or just plain fed up with -- one of them, I always have the other one to go play with. I reached a point recently where I was having a Mood -- one of the ISMs mentioned in another thread -- and hated all my characters, settings, locations, dialogue, etc.

I've found when I get in one of my Moods -- and a Mood is indeed worthy of capitalization -- the best thing I can do is read a really good book by someone else. I set my own stuff aside for five days, and devoured a fun chick-lit novel by Katie McAllister, and chased that with Michael Crighton's Eaters of the Dead. Two vastly different works, but both good reads and well-written enough to inspire me to get my a$$ back to work.

Now it's all good.

black winged fighter said:

*
That was why, as the sun was setting, Arnora left her lodgings for a walk around the streets. She needed time to sort out her many futures, all of which were flapping loosely in her mind. That was why she walked, eyes unseeing, past the dark little alley where three men waited. That was why she never heard them follow her, and only realised her error when the club struck the back of her head.
*

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I hate to nitpick. I really do, and please don't take this personally. But the phrase "eyes unseeing" just rubs me the wrong way, because it seems the word "eyes" shouldn't be in there.

"she walked, unseeing," makes more sense. Putting "eyes" in there just makes me think, "Well, at least it wasn't some OTHER body part that was unseeing."

I'm sorry. Maybe it's just me and I'm a meanie poo poo head.

You are wicked.

Making the Reader feel Smart

Nangleator said:

I've never seen any discussion on doing this. Is it just a matter of leaving enough details for the average (or smarter) reader to put pieces together?

I guess I already do this. I just don't think of it as helping the reader feel smart.

This technique could be used for misdirection. But I don't suppose it would be a bad thing for the reader to be surprised once per book.

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The big thing is, don't condescend. Don't include details the reader can figure out for himself. Don't put in things just because you think, "Oh, if I don't say this, they'll never get it." I think this is a lot of the motivation behind "Show, don't tell", though it carries over to most other ways a writer can choose details, and choose when to speak plainly, and when to be subtle.

My favourite example is an essay I once read by Diana Wynne Jones. She talks about the first novel she consciously wrote for adults and not YA or Children. (The one in question is called, IIRC, "A Sudden Wild Magic"). And she talks about feeling the need to explain *more* to the adult crowd, to repeat points of detail three times that she would mention once for her usual children's audience.

<tangent>For those who think this is backwards, she pointed out that her experience at signings and cons showed her that the parents of kids reading her kids' books tended to get lost or frustrated more often by the things she leaves implicit, where the kids are more willing to wait and learn, to let something unexplained go by - since they KNOW they're still learning about the world and most other subjects. Adults are done with school, done with learning.</tangent>

The problem with this is, that particular book was weakened by the decision to explain more often. Most of its flaws (As opposed to those things that might just not be to your taste, like conga lines causing serious magical feedback) can be explained by reading that essay and that decision.

Suggestions for Improvement

I wonder if you guys would help me improve a paragraph. This one has been driving me nuts for the last couple of days. I've wasted more than an hour of BIC over this.

Here's the setup. The protagonist is a young girl. She is sitting at a table with her mother (Filippa), father, and uncle. Previously, the father and uncle got the girl in a potentially dangerous situation which fortunately turned out all right. The father and uncle are suggesting they try it again. Here's the paragraph:

Filippa's eyes widened and her back stiffened.

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"No!" she exclaimed. "I don't care what. You two are not going doing that to her again." By then, she was on her feet, fists on hips, looking very dangerous.

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What I'm having trouble with is the last sentence. I knew when I wrote it that it was no good, but I was writing as fast as I could at that time. I decided I could go back and fix it. Well, I'm trying to do that now, and I'm stuck.

At first, I thought about changing the "looking very dangerous" to something like "looking like a mother <animal's name here> protecting her <offspring's name here>", but that was a little too prosaic. I also (briefly) considered something like "...her eyes flashing" but I quickly dismissed that too.

I realize that it is passive and also "telling" instead of "showing". I was going for brevity. How can I do this without spending a lot of verbage on "showing". I don't want to slow down the story at this point with a lot of description.

Thoughts?

To make it more active and "showing"...

Cut "By then."

Give her more action. Also, mind the "said" syndrome. No need to use "exclaimed." "Said" would be fine -- she's clearly "exclaiming" by the sound of the dialogue.

"You're not going do that to her again." She stood and huffed, her fists jammed on her hips and her hair standing like ruffled feathers.

(OK, the last line with the hair is probably too much... but you get the idea. If you want to complete the "protective hen" imagery, you can use "crow" instead of "exclaim" -- okay, so why is that okay to replace "say" but not "exclaim"? Because in this case, you'll be trying to conjure a specific image -- an angry, protective hen... )

Change "looking very dangerous" to "glaring."

So how about:

"No!" she said. "I don't care what. You two are not going doing that to her again." She stood, jammed fists on her hips, and glared.

Works for me. Carry on with your novel.

Got it. Thanks. I don't know why this was such a stumbling block.

Sometimes when we're deep in our thoughts and processes, we can't see what is clear to others. That's why I take breathers all the time, to clear my head and look at my work with a fresh pair of eyes.

But like UJ said, you've got it. Now move on.

maestrowork said:

But like UJ said, you've got it. Now move on.

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Yes'm, Boss. Right away, Boss.

Roger J Carlson said:

So how about:

"No!" she said. "I don't care what. You two are not going doing that to her again." She stood, jammed fists on her hips, and glared.

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That version gave me some hesitation as a reader – I had to stop and interpret – because I didn't know whether to understand "jammed" as a verb or an adjective. Did she do three things in succession: (1) stand up, (2) jam her fists onto her hips, and (3) glare? Or did she spring up and simultaneously put her fists on her hips and glare?

If you want an impression of dramatic suddenness, this would do it for me: "She stood, fists jammed into her hips, and glared."

reph said:

If you want an impression of dramatic suddenness, this would do it for me: "She stood, fists jammed into her hips, and glared."

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Um, in my part of the country we wouldn't use 'fists jammed into hips'--but that could be a regional difference. For instance, we mash keyboard keys, but I'm pretty sure folks in other parts of the country simply push them.

Kris

In my part (western U.S.), to mash something is to squash it flat. Computer manuals, which presumably speak without an accent, talk about pressing the keys.

The "jammed into" suggests force, which I think R. C. wants: his character is angry.

Roger J Carlson said:

... I've wasted more than an hour of BIC over this.

Filippa's eyes widened and her back stiffened.

"No!" she exclaimed. "I don't care what. You two are not going doing that to her again." By then, she was on her feet, fists on hips, looking very dangerous.

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Less is more. I'd have to see more of the dialogue, but I would drop almost all of the description and let her words do it. Maybe all of the description. So it would read like,That pretty much tells us what's happening. If you want to have an action in there, pick one, such as she was on her feet, that is representative of her body language.

And FWIW, my understanding of the Uncle Jim method is that time spent revising your work doesn't count as BIC, so we shouldn't be staring at a sentence we just wrote for an hour. Just put a little pin with a red flag in it, and keep moving. Of course, I'm still trying to cultivate my own BIC habit to the point I get the shakes if I go a day without putting words to page, so what do I know.