On Fighting Monsters & Staring Into Abysses

Howard Beale said:

However, the research for this project is really taking it out of me. It is such a desperately sad and heartbreaking issue and to spend hours at a time digging away at it really has a negative effect on my mindset. My use of the term 'digging' is rather poignant as it genuinely feels like I spend my evenings digging a shallow grave for myself which is only reset once I get to sleep. The next evening I dig again. I don't know if that will make sense to anyone but that's how it feels for myself.

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Maybe setting some clear boundaries might help. Make it a habit to get up and walk away from the books or computer and take a breather just as you start to feel like you're falling in too deep. Don't plug away at it for several hours straight. Break up these sessions with other small activities in between, even if it's just switching to reading something else for some minutes.

Don't let yourself lose track of time. Missing out on a meal or even not getting enough water can actually get to be a problem just by getting stuck into heavy research for hours on end and it has a huge effect on the energy and strength needed to be able to keep up with this. Which impacts your ability to put a block against this kind of thing affecting your own mindset.

Maintaining an emphasis on and reminding yourself of being able to distance yourself from the subject whenever you wish will probably make it harder for the material to take its toll on you.

Hope this helps.

Howard Beale said:

Hello all.

For my current project I am tackling a very serious issue; suicide.

One of my favourite parts of writing a story is the research, it has been my strong point for years as it is where I started before I got the writing bug proper.

However, the research for this project is really taking it out of me. It is such a desperately sad and heartbreaking issue and to spend hours at a time digging away at it really has a negative effect on my mindset. My use of the term 'digging' is rather poignant as it genuinely feels like I spend my evenings digging a shallow grave for myself which is only reset once I get to sleep. The next evening I dig again. I don't know if that will make sense to anyone but that's how it feels for myself.

Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal, this is not a cry for help. But it does make me wonder whether anyone else has been through a similar situation? I'm assuming it must be quite a common problem because there are a lot of very heavy novels out there that deal with some horrific subjects and the authors must have given them the respect they deserve. So I don't feel like I can play fast and loose with a topic such as this, I need to take it serious and do my research good and proper. But it really is a dark and lonely journey.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can reduce the feeling of falling into the abyss?

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It's a lonely road you're on, because suicide and depression are still taboos. And I understand your need for research, I really do. But you also pointed out your initial interest, before writing, was research. Could it be that you spend too much time digging and not enough writing?

You said you want to write about suicide, not depression or some incurable illness that leads to suicide. That's good because depression is a grave subject, and you are drowning in empathy, which might stop you from actually understanding depression. Your research would actually be counterproductive.

On the other hand, empathy will help you understand those whose loved ones committed suicide. What you're feeling is natural and what you're doing is admirable. So it's good you're focussing on suicide and not depression.

But still, it's not helping you write a story.

You may be haunted by personal stories of people who are left behind, not by the subject itself.

But if you want to do any of them justice, you need to step back. Writing about this with characters you'll come to love may destroy you anyhow. But if you carry on the way you're going, you'll never even get that chance. Treat your research as work. Not as a mission to understand every facet of it. You'll be writing about one story, not about the hundreds of cases you're digging into. You may want your case to be representative, but each account, each story is individual, only the pain is universal. So writing a universal story is at once impossible as it is guaranteed. Know when to turn the computer off.

And good luck.

Sat Nam! (Literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

There's a thread in Nonfiction that deals with this topic. The OP is writing true crime fiction on a really horrific topic and was wondering how to deal with it. Her username is Trixie Blixen. I'd hunt for it.

And I've read that a lady wrote a detailed account of a death march and committed suicide not so long after it was published.

So, yes, this is a real concern.

My suggestions:

1. Breathe deeply, especially when it starts getting to you. Inhale slowly and deeply and let the belly expand. Exhale slowly and completely and bring it back in.

2. Play very positive music while you write and research if at all possible.

3. Get exercise.

4. Eat healthy foods.

5. Take breaks.

6. Vary your reading. (Maybe children's nonsense verse or something really light-hearted.)

Holding the good thought for you.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

One slightly alternative method you might try if it's applicable to your particular research needs (and I can't guarantee this will work even then):

Rather than look up cases, read about the journalistic ethics of covering suicide. There is a lot of literature and most of it derives from real cases but is boiled down for journalists who don't have time to read it, or in your case, a writer who needs a psychological break. It is also, in my opinion, a fascinatingly difficult debate that, for me, put suicide and our discussions about it in a whole new light.

Just a thought.

Best of luck!

My current WIP is about a boy whose mother dies of cancer. It's first person. I've done some research on the cancer. I'm revising to deepen the POV now. I can only work on a scene or two a week. More than that is too depressing. I'm living in this boy's head for the time I'm writing. Once I pass the funeral and he begins his recovery, the writing will get easier. I give myself permission to cry with him. I let the feelings out and return to the real world. Sometimes just turning around in my chair is enough to remind me it's fiction.

Keep this in mind as you write. If the research is hard, being in the story with the character will be hard too. All of the coping strategies you are learning will help. But depth is important to story, to connecting the reader to your characters. It's a hard go, but the story has to be worth it in the end. I have to tell this story. Meanwhile, I am more grateful for all of my family members who have not suffered with disease and are still alive.

I hope this experience helps you as you continue the process.

I grabbed a couple of the articles I know I've read on the issue. This is just a quick dip into the research. There's a lot more out there of both types.

This link is where I'd start for the ethical issues. Lots of links:

http://www.poynter.org/uncategorized/18183/reporting-on-suicide/

This is a story about suicides on a particular bridge. It's going to be a harder read, I should warn you. But it is an example of how tricky the situation can be to engage. I know there was a lot of discussion in the journalism community, which I belonged to as a student, when this came out:

http://www.thecoast.ca/halifax/adams-fall/Content?oid=962276

Whether this does a good job of covering the suicide is complicated. It probably breaks some rules by getting into the specifics, but it also achieved a lot of progress in the community by talking about it and the reporter won awards for it. I think he does well by making it the story of the person, both good and bad, rather than focusing on the tragic results. Counter argument would be that by giving it attention we could encourage more suicides. The Coast got some follow-ups about that, I think. Their defense was that it achieved tangible results and that we do more harm by not discussing this issue openly. Difficult debate.

Here's another ethics one: http://ajrarchive.org/Article.asp?id=2726

These may or may not be useful. It's a bit of an odd tack, but hopefully it can help somewhat. I know what you mean by wanting to research and if you have a passion for that then you'll know how much you need. I might suggest, with suicide, that it is especially important to focus on the rest of the story. Let whatever happens before or after come out of the story. I don't say this because I think you're procrastinating, but in this case you might find getting to know the characters by writing them gives you the best info you can get because ultimately every situation is different and it is so, so context dependent.

It is very hard to deal with. Good luck. Keep well.

tbh, my mental health (or lack thereof) is too important for me to risk. I cannot afford to get sicker than I already am. So I just tend to avoid writing about really upsetting topics. Most of what I write is light and humorous. I wrote one novella that deals with suicide and depression to some extent, but I haven't been able to bring myself to edit it more than once. However, for me that is also a very personal issue.

I know that is not helpful at all. But if you need experiences from someone who was the person left behind due to suicide ("suicide survivor"), you are welcome to PM me. Since, unfortunately, I have personal experience with that.

Howard Beale said:

Hello all.

For my current project I am tackling a very serious issue; suicide.

One of my favourite parts of writing a story is the research, it has been my strong point for years as it is where I started before I got the writing bug proper.

However, the research for this project is really taking it out of me. It is such a desperately sad and heartbreaking issue and to spend hours at a time digging away at it really has a negative effect on my mindset. My use of the term 'digging' is rather poignant as it genuinely feels like I spend my evenings digging a shallow grave for myself which is only reset once I get to sleep. The next evening I dig again. I don't know if that will make sense to anyone but that's how it feels for myself.

Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal, this is not a cry for help. But it does make me wonder whether anyone else has been through a similar situation? I'm assuming it must be quite a common problem because there are a lot of very heavy novels out there that deal with some horrific subjects and the authors must have given them the respect they deserve. So I don't feel like I can play fast and loose with a topic such as this, I need to take it serious and do my research good and proper. But it really is a dark and lonely journey.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can reduce the feeling of falling into the abyss?

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"if my answers frighten you then stop asking scary questions," - Suicide


"This is not a costume, it is a way of life" - Suicide on RoTLD

Howard Beale said:

I understand your reasoning but the whole story revolves around the issue of suicide. It begins with a suicide, ends with a suicide and discusses suicide all the way through. There really is no escaping that. I have come to terms with the fact that this is going to be a rough journey and I will need to tread very carefully with regards to how I handle it. I do worry that I may be glorifying suicide, which is not my intention at all, so I will have to see how it plays out and decide if it is going to be viable or not.

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Absolutely. In the end, you have to write your story in your own way, and whatever way is most honest to the characters around you.

At least while drafting, don't worry about glorifying suicide too much. Generally if you do as much thinking as you obviously have about it, it isn't a problem. It's more of an issue when writers use it as a plot device or for cheap character development without putting the time in.

Howard Beale said:

Does anyone have any tips on how I can reduce the feeling of falling into the abyss?

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Maybe you're doing more research than you need to at this point in the process. Write the story. Research the bits you know nothing about. But avoid immersing yourself in literature and articles and testimonials for hours on end. That would depress anyone.

Bottom line, if you still find yourself upset and depressed, walk away from the project. It's not worth your mental health.