New Dog Owner, New Dog - Help!

I've heard great things about rescue remedy for anxiety. My dog is afraid of thunder, so it's been recommended to me as well. There are also "wraps" for dogs that calm anxiety. Not sure if it would help though. Honestly, I think this is pretty common for a new dog. Unfortunately, I think your spouse just made it worse. She's been rewarded twice now for barking because someone went to sleep with her, so she'll keep trying to get what she wants. The only thing I know about dog training is that consistency and routine is key. We had some issues with DH training differently than me... Poor dogs couldn't figure out what we were doing.

You could also try leaving a radio or tv on at a low volume near her. You could also try leaving a light on, though it doesn't sound like that will help. You could also try covering the crate, but not sure that would help either.

When I got my Sheltie, he was scared of everything, then he went through the Velcro dog phase. I don't know what happened to him before he came here, but he Dislikes crates, small rooms like closets or bathrooms, etc. He's also super sensitive. Like piddling on the floor when he's addressed in a loud voice sensitive. It took us a lot of acclimating for him to get used to being in a crate and feeling ok about it. He never barked at night, probably in part because we already had another dog, but it took him awhile to feel comfortable in our home. I'd bet your dog is just going through a transition and scared. Good luck! It sounds like you're doing things right, but it might take some time. I've heard two months for a dog to transition.

I don't think it'll take two months before you can sleep. Yikes! That's just the number I've heard. Like once you're past that point, you can start considering something a behavioral issue vs. a transition issue. I'd say it took our dogs about that long to really trust us. Honestly, I'm glad I've never had to mess with a dog crying or barking at night, but our dogs sleep in the bedroom and I know some people don't like that or don't advise that. Sorry I can't be of more help. It's gotta be frustrating, but I'm not sure what else to do other than wait her out. If I were you, I'd probably try moving the crate into the bedroom at night time and then gradually moving it down the hall or wherever at night until eventually it was where I wanted her to sleep, but I have no idea whether a trainer would say that's a good idea or not. You could also try to teach your dog the Quiet command, but again, I don't know if that's a good idea or not. My ideas and experience only comes from taking my own dogs to classes and reading.

I don't do well without sleep either, so I too would take the crate into the bedroom - and I'd let her come into the bathroom with me as well (my dog would often wander in when I'm in the tub just to check on me). You have only had her for a couple of days which is not enough time to erase her past from her memory. She's anxious, and she's in a new place with a new "pack" - she's trying to fit in and to make sure she isn't left behind again - even if you are just going to the next room. I think as soon as she feels relaxed and that she belongs, she will not be so needy - and you can go to the bathroom all by yourself.

You do need to do some training sessions throughout the day with a new dog. Sorry (Just at first).

They have to learn the rules. Everybody feels better when the dog can figure out what they are supposed to do and when, etc. The dog won't be fully comfortable until he learns the groundrules and learns what discipline is like there if a rule is broken. Training sessions about problems help enforce what's expected, and dogs do want to know what is expected of them. They are very into social structure, especially in a new environment.

fadeaccompli said:

Erk. See, a lot of sites I'm reading are talking about how spending allll your time with a new dog INCREASES separation anxiety, because it makes them think that constant presence is normal and any deviation from that makes them panic more. And I've been warned that letting her sleep with me one night has made everything worse...

*throws up hands* God. I think I'm just not a good dog owner. I thought that equipment, vet visits, a training course, two walks a day, daily playtime, and feeding would cover it. Needing to spend allllll of my time every day with the dog until she calms down? I cannot cope with that. I really cannot.

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Nor should you. Sorry to contradict, but Kikazaru's advice is simply not a good idea, for you or the dog. You need to set limits that allow you to cope and give you some down time. Once you do that and are on a more even keel, you'll have the energy to deal with the dog in constructive ways.

I have known a collie who cropped up in the past with separation anxiety disorder. The owners considered medicating him (yes, there are anti-anxiety meds for dogs), but regular walking plus a change in schedule that allowed the owner to be home at regular hours seemed to resolve most of the problem. He's still a clingy dog, but will lie down when told, and no longer tries to scratch doors down when shut out.

Now, a question: when you say two walks a day, do you mean just out around the block, or do you mean for several miles or until the dog is tired? Some dogs are extra high energy, and anxiety doesn't help, but being walked to the point of wearing down can help take the edge off later at night.

I wish you the best--and remember that longevity in caregiving requires you to take care of yourself. You won't have the wherewithal to deal with this dog unless you insist on sleep and quiet time.

I'm going to agree with Wampuscat and Kikazaru -- are you able to move the crate to your bedroom? My (1-year-old rescue) dog had bad seperation anxiety and couldn't handle being left in his crated in the kitchen. He would whine and bark, batting at the crate bars, but when we moved him to the bedroom he was silent. We had to do this -- it was either that or we'd be too sleep deprived to get to work the next morning.

I know this would be finding another safe space for your cats, which isn't the most convenient solution. Sorry! But it definitely worked for us.

Aw, fade, I'm sorry you're going through this with your new pooch. We did the same thing, rescued a separation-anxiety dog a year ago.

We coped by caving in completely to her every whim. I do not recommend. No, seriously, I did end up letting her sleep with us once she and the cats made peace. I let her spend all her time with me. She loosened up once she realized she was with us to stay.

She's completely bonded to me, but after a while started to take an interest in other members of the family. It took a few months, but she'll go for walks with them, sleep with them, etc. (Obedience training helped a TON. My daughter took her instead of me to give me a break.)

For me, it was totally worthwhile. She's the sweetest, dearest dog, anxious to please and we're thrilled to have her as part of the family.

Only you can decide if your dog is going to stay. But I wish you--and her--all the best of luck!

Have you tried calling the shelter and asking for help? Often they have great advice.

Just to add, since some people seem to have found that letting the dog be close all the time has worked for them:

Unless you have the emotional energy to do this, it will not work for you. And from your previous posts, it sounds to me like you're already quite frazzled.

Whichever method you decide on, the key is that you're going to have to be consistent about it. Waffling back and forth will confuse the dog and prolong the difficulties. Talk to your veterinarian, talk to the shelter, make a plan, and stick to it. Then, if things simply don't work out, it's not a crime to say "We tried, but we're not a good fit for this dog's special needs. Can you please match us with a different dog."

Good luck to you, and let us know how it goes.

fadeaccompli said:

We're supposed to keep her on light exercise because of the spaying, and while they weren't real clear on what "light" meant, I gather it does not mean "until the dog is exhausted". Unfortunately.

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Gotcha. Yeah, that does complicate things. Is she on any pain control for the spay, or was she? Usually my vet doses cats up to five days.

I wonder, as long as I'm throwing odd-ball ideas out there.... The old ticking clock in the blanket trick used to be what they recommended for puppies. Maybe wrap one up in something you've worn that smells like you?

Btw, what breed or mix of dog is this? Some smaller ones, i.e. chihuahua, min-pin, etc., can be extraordinarily high strung.

I think it's possible to change a 'bad' behavior like needing to sleep with you. It doesn't have to be full-tilt from day 1, imho. Go from sleeping with you to sleeping by your bed. Later, go to sleeping outside the door, etc.

I totally understand why folks say to never start it if that's not what you want to do later, but it can be trained into the dog in progressive stages, I think. The easier part about that is that the dog will gain confidence around y'all with time, and so that fits nicely with the ever-wider spaces plan.

Try not to cuddle the dog and all that at night, though. If she'll be sleeping away from y'all, try to not interact much with her while she sleeps.

It's better to see if she'll do a crate near you, but she might whine to get your attention, yeah. That might happen regardless while training, but if she feels safer overall (later) it might not. Just be super consistent and tough as nails once you make a change

eta: if she sleeps with one of you again, do have the nice, cozy crate right with her. Associate that with sleep ASAP, for sure.

And make it cozy! Give her a blanket for sleeping and tuck her in (in the crate). Give her a pillow. If she crawls out and sleeps on the couch with you or whatever, try to tuck her back in here and there when you wake up. Cozy sleep stuff is great for dogs, though, because it means sleep time and they get that Mine like to fix their blankets just so and the whole works

I'm sticking with my suggestion to keep the dog crated in your room for now. The hyperventilating and shaking sounds quite serious, so I'd let her get settled and comfortable in your home and then slowly change the regime after she's comfortable.

I think it's possible to change a 'bad' behavior like needing to sleep with you. It doesn't have to be full-tilt from day 1, imho. Go from sleeping with you to sleeping by your bed. Later, go to sleeping outside the door, etc.

I totally understand why folks say to never start it if that's not what you want to do later, but it can be trained into the dog in progressive stages, I think. The easier part about that is that the dog will gain confidence around y'all with time, and so that fits nicely with the ever-wider spaces plan.

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I agree with this. When we first got our dog, we couldn't leave him alone in a separate room without him getting nervous, loud and destructive (he's a lab, so he's got some power and volume in him). These days he's happy to sleep in the crate, in a different room, to be left alone unsupervised... building up trust and a feeling of security was important for my pup, and his behaviour didn't settle until his anxiety faded.

Wishing you good luck for tonight, and hopefully a quieter sleep.

She's so cute!!!

Oh, she's so skinny! Bless her!

She's adorable! I'll keep my fingers crossed that tonight goes well.

Aw, the poor sweetie. Thanks for sharing the pictures. Good luck with tonight.

Any progress is good progress. Come on, puppy, you can do it!

Yay! Excellent! She might have still hurt from her surgery, too. My little guy in my avatar is an enormous, needy baby when he's ill at all. And he's a tough, macho, independent little guy normally (cuddly, though ).

Best of Luck! And Happy Holidays!!

If she's been in pain or 'off' from the effects from the pain meds, that could account for the clinginess. If she's feeling better and her head is clearer, you might be seeing something more like her real self.
And, her being a rescued dog means that you'll never really know her history: our little rescue dog (years ago) had apparently been abused somewhere, she was terrified of loud voices, sudden movements, etc. If you appeared to be raising your voice at her, she would fling herself onto her side, and start frantically kicking herself in the head with a hind leg. It was heartbreaking to watch. We figured that she was trying to hit herself before someone else could do it to her.
She kept that habit for a few years, but after a few months it stopped being so frantic and desperate: it became sort of a languid, "Yeah, I'm sorry, so, so, sorry ." It's hard to describe a sarcastic gesture by another species, but that was definitely the impression. Apparently she felt at home.

The stray cat we acquired years later had his own inexplicable weirdness: he was cool with everything, pleased to be allowed to live indoors again, happy with his surroundings, until his first Christmas with us (he was already a middle-aged cat). My father brought the live tree in, and set it up. We were prepared for the cat to climb it, to have a go at the ornaments, etc. Instead the old cat sat in the adjoining room, obviously turning his back to the tree, and pretended that it didn't exist. He continued this until the tree was gone. Ostentatiously ignoring a 6 foot evergreen, decked in lights and tinkly things. The only thing we could figure was that he had been dumped around or shortly after Christmas, and that he figured the tree was a bad omen.

You never really know their history, or what influenced their lives.
Good luck, and I hope the night goes well.