The "I'm sorry" thread

...can't you just lower your expectations?

I'm sorry for smoking next to you honey, but...

I have to, in self-defense -- just how much garlic do you eat, anyway?

I'm sorry there's nothing on the buffet that jibes with your dietary restrictions, but . . .

think of the weight you'll lose by going hungry tonight.
I'm sorry your children ran away and hid in the Metropolitan Museum but

...if they stay there long enough, they may get bronzed and make a nice sculpture group.

I'm sorry your employer went bankrupt, still owing you $100,000, but...

...these sort of things don't happen when you're on the dole.

I'm sorry I haven't told you about my visit to the White House, but...

there isn't much to tell; nothing special, it's just a little white frame, two bedroom house on a corner lot that's being auctioned off in an estate liquidation a couple of weeks from now.

I'm sorry to hear you haven't slept in seventy-two hours, but . . .

you really should seek out help for your meth addiction.

I sorry your agent doesn't return your calls, but ...

I think its time to stop calling your self money penny when your so skint.

I'm sorry your boss fell asleep on you but ...

guess that's what you can expect when you're sleeping with the boss.

I'm sorry the four star hotel accommodations you paid for turned out to be a room in a by-the-hour fleabag motel, but

You're a flea renting a spacious pocket in a coach bag. Stop complaining. They're not going to fix the Science Is So Science-y Man-into-Flea Machine any faster while you're doing that.

I'm sorry that the process by which democracy takes effect is a slow and tedious, tiresome procession of old farts continually disagreeing because they all have both a yes and a no in their vocabulary, and for the sake of their citizens can't seem to discern which is appropriate to use and when while taking into consideration the deplorable conditions of today's world economy, but --

really, it's all about the money anyway, so pay up if you want things to go your way.

I'm sorry you thought democracy actually existed in any realm but that of the theoretical, but . . .

...don't you think you're too old for fairytales, anyway?

I'm sorry I told you we were meeting tomorrow when we really met today without you, but...

...don't feel bad. We didn't miss you at all.

I'm sorry I installed a videocam in your bedroom, recorded everything and sent it to a reality show, but...

But hey, it's not like you were ever there for the steamy bits anyway. And boy did them steam cleaners work.

I'm sorry you have to put up with big city life in such a small world, but.

...when it's all over, everything will seem like a small feat.


I'm sorry your darling isn't much for conversation but...

I guess you haven't ceased your chatter long enough to notice . . . he's deaf.

I'm sorry they let you get halfway through your acceptance speech before they told you it was a mistake, but . . .

it would have helped if you wasn't reading from your shopping list.

I'm sorry Thursday is the the end of the line for you but ...

...you're lucky, considering what was waiting for you on Friday.

I'm sorry you have ants in your pants, but...

. . . you did say you wanted to learn to dance the natural way.

I'm sorry the boys choir of Vienna is holding a concert in your living room, but . . .

guess they didn't get the notice about you're inclusion on the sex offender list.

I'm sorry you wound up on the list for stopping on the side of the highway to answer nature's call, but . . .

I can't believe they can arrest you for wearing a gator belt and having secretary birds legs.

*Crime scene - Someone burgled this line <

I'm sorry Defos forgot his line, but...

...aren't we better off without it?

I'm sorry your high-wire act ended so badly, but...

didn't I warn you you needed to start checking your own rigging if you were going to screw around with your equipment handler's wife?

I'm sorry the flood insurance company refused your claim, saying the damage was from a hurricane, and your homeowner's refused it calling it flood damage, but . . .

...really, if you can look up out your bedroom window and see a boat float past, is your insurance carrier really to blame?

I'm sorry I've been mute for so long, but...