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#1 |
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Remembering...
AW Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 25,494
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"Each" followed by pronouns
I'm not in agreement with an editor. It's a small thing, but before I demand my way I should, of course, be sure I'm right. And I've thought about this enough that I've managed to thoroughly confuse myself.
The original sentence, with a noun change to make it suitable for all ages: He kissed each finger, flicking it with his tongue, leaving it glistening. The editor would like both uses of it to be changed to them. Yes? No? Reasons? If it matters, editor is British, I'm American. Nearly all editor's other suggestions will make the manuscript better, as she clearly knows her stuff. Maryn, confuzzled
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In Flanders Fields the poppies blow Between the crosses row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields. --Lt. Col. John McCrae, MD (1872-1918) |
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#2 |
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Memorial Day
AW Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 51,560
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Them sounds better to me.
Or maybe . . He kissed each finger, flicking each with his tongue, leaving them glistening.
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. The photo I'm using as my avatar is the Middle Tennessee State Veterans Cemetery located in Nashville, Tennessee. |
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#3 |
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Madeleines! Don't get me started.
Absolute Sage
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 5,429
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I think 'it' is correct, but to be honest I'm not actually that great at grammar (I am a story guy not a copy-ed.) Now I'm wondering what the original noun w- oh actually as I type I just realised what it probably is.
EDIT: Oh, balls, maybe 'them' does sound better. Ignore me.
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torgoblog.blogspot.com |
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#4 |
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The Beast I Worship.
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
Posts: 3,710
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I like alleycat's suggestion. "Each finger" sounds plural as a group to me.
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#5 |
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MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter
AW Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Prairies and Lakes
Posts: 4,283
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Honestly, I think it's 'it' as the attention is given to each finger individually. Using 'them' makes me think all fingers all at once.
Ari, not a grammarian
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#6 |
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Memorial Day
AW Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 51,560
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The more I look at the sentence the more I become unsure.
Now I'm thinking it is probably correct. Call me Mr. Wishy-Washy.
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. The photo I'm using as my avatar is the Middle Tennessee State Veterans Cemetery located in Nashville, Tennessee. |
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#7 | |
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I fight like a dairy farmer
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Oxfordshire
Posts: 310
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Quote:
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Fantasy WIP 1 - 77K, first draft complete. YAY! Fantasy WIP 2 - outlining Fantasy WIP 3 - 51K, first (short) draft complete |
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#8 |
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Equality Bitch...
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Where the Moon can see me.
Posts: 13,346
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There's this group of fingers, and something happens to each of them, whereupon they are all...whatever they ended up becoming.
![]() Westie, who repped what she thinks Maryn's thinking |
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#9 |
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Remembering...
AW Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 25,494
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Ah, but it is safe to accept the word of someone who keeps shoes so far beyond their useful lives?
Maryn, who has a T-shirt advertising a 1989 event in regular rotation
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In Flanders Fields the poppies blow Between the crosses row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields. --Lt. Col. John McCrae, MD (1872-1918) |
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#10 |
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Equality Bitch...
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Where the Moon can see me.
Posts: 13,346
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![]() Those shoes have, sadly, passed on. ETA: OK...I think I've figured out what makes my brain pop: I do not know where to look. ![]() I'd address this scene in either of two ways: All singular: He kissed Sam's left thumb, flicking it with his tongue, leaving it glistening. Then Sam's right thumb suffered the exact same fate. All plural: He kissed both of Sam's thumbs, flicking each (of them - implied) with his tongue, leaving them glistening. Westie, who has lost considerable sleep thinking about this Last edited by SWest; 02-04-2013 at 07:30 PM. |
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#11 |
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Totally Ninja!
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: I had something for this...
Posts: 10,732
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I'd have him skip her fingers and head straight for her honeypot.
However, if you INSIST on taking the long route...'them', while probably not technically correct, sounds better to me.
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Write the turd. Polish the turd. Submit the turd. |
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#12 | |
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Remembering...
AW Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 25,494
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Quote:
Maryn, sly grin
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In Flanders Fields the poppies blow Between the crosses row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields. --Lt. Col. John McCrae, MD (1872-1918) |
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#13 |
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Totally Ninja!
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: I had something for this...
Posts: 10,732
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Ooo, that's diabolical! Hmm...is it really gall bladders? OMG - is it really a chick with mulitple Gall Bladders?!
that would be sore hawt if
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Write the turd. Polish the turd. Submit the turd. |
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#14 |
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Moderation in All Things
AW Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: West Michigan
Posts: 12,587
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It sounds much better the way you've written it. It gives a much more vivid image of kissing and licking each one at a time. Besides, it's correct.
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--Roger J. Carlson |
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#15 | |
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10 thumbs=100 or chase X 5
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Albany, Oregon
Posts: 2,762
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Quote:
All singular: He kissed each finger, flicking it with his tongue, leaving it glistening. All plural: He kissed the offered fingers, flicking them with his tongue, leaving a high-glistening five. Your first choice is my choice. |
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#16 |
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Memorial Day
AW Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 51,560
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Well, if these are not actually fingers but, uh, something else (of which there are two), then I would definitely go with it.
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. The photo I'm using as my avatar is the Middle Tennessee State Veterans Cemetery located in Nashville, Tennessee. |
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#17 |
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10 thumbs=100 or chase X 5
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Albany, Oregon
Posts: 2,762
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Leave it to a scholarly-looking, well-dressed cat to think of his ears being licked. Now I'll have nightmares about overly moist ears.
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#18 |
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Memorial Day
AW Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 51,560
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Yeah, but I'm not wearing pants.
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. The photo I'm using as my avatar is the Middle Tennessee State Veterans Cemetery located in Nashville, Tennessee. |
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#19 |
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Caped Codder
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: In MA, USA, across from a 17th century cemetery
Posts: 3,945
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All I can imagine is a hand covered in spit.
:-/ |
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#20 |
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pretending to be awake
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Berkshire, UK
Posts: 2,017
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I'd go with "it" - I don't think this is a UK/US english thing.
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Λrchangel: near-future SF noir | 85,259 / 100,000 (second draft underway) I write music. | I gave in and joined twitter. | And I have a blog too. |
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#21 |
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writer, rider, reader
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 3,076
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Why not eliminate the problem word?
He kissed her fingers, flicking them with his tongue, etc.
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The Stone River |
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#22 | |
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figuring it all out
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 99
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Quote:
If you want to keep the fingers individual, my instincts say 'them' (just like in the above sentence, in fact). But I could be wrong. |
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#23 |
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writer, rider, reader
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 3,076
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For absolute clarity, she could say something like, "He kissed her fingers one by one..."
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The Stone River |
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#24 |
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Shouting from the Rooftops
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: West Madlands UK
Posts: 4,470
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He kissed each finger, flicking it with his tongue, leaving it glistening.
You know, I fall on the 'them' side. Purely because I get the sense that he's finished kissing all the fingers before the participles kick in. (He's gone along 'flicking them with his tongue, leaving them glistening.) He kissed one finger, then another, flicking each with his tongue, leaving them glistening.
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Website /Brief Encounters: Blog / Goodreads (Website Warning: 18+ only (21 some areas.)) Last edited by Fallen; 02-02-2013 at 03:42 AM. |
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#25 |
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practical experience, FTW
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Lost in space. And meaning.
Posts: 1,335
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I think it really does come down to the emphasis and meaning of the sentence here. If you are emphasizing that each finger is being dealt with individually, then the it is fine. If you are focusing on the result of licking all the fingers, then them is better. Another way to handle this might be:
He kissed his/her fingers, flicking each with his tongue, leaving them all glistening. But I don't know for sure what the exact context of the sentence is, so my approach may or may not conjure up the image you are shooting for. |
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