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Old 02-26-2012, 12:34 PM   #726
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I start Uni tomorrow. Hopefully I can find the courage to join the GLBT group.

<-- nervous.
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Old 02-26-2012, 01:03 PM   #727
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Good luck and I hope you go through with joining that group.
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Old 02-26-2012, 01:51 PM   #728
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I think I might give it a week or so, let me get used to being at Uni, and then look into it properly.

I know there's a GLBT room somewhere on campus... But trying to do it all in the first week might push my nerves over the edge.

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Old 02-27-2012, 01:21 AM   #729
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My advice would be to join any clubs or groups as soon as possible. As time passes and people get to know each other, it becomes harder to slide in to the social group. In the first week, you're all new together.
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:26 AM   #730
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Yeah, I asked about groups today, and was directed to a website, and told that most of the groups on campus would have stalls up for new members on Wednesday.

So I'll definitely join some groups ASAP. But the GLBT room, I don't think it's an official group. Usually the groups have a specific purpose, whereas the GLBT room is meant as a safe place... Not sure about that.
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Old 05-04-2012, 06:42 AM   #731
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Wow, my life is really upside-down when visiting the forums is a pleasant breather from chat. How are you all doing in here? Drama-free I hope? (AND WHY IS THIS SUBFORUM SO INACTIVE? *kicks dust away*)
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:12 PM   #732
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Wow, my life is really upside-down when visiting the forums is a pleasant breather from chat. How are you all doing in here? Drama-free I hope? (AND WHY IS THIS SUBFORUM SO INACTIVE? *kicks dust away*)
Hi Guardian! *waves*

I'm doing fairly well, transition-wise. And I'm pretty much engaged to my girlfriend, and going to Norway to stay with my love for a while. Almost got a job a week ago--there was just one applicant who edged me out. Writing is coming along sorta sporadically, though. I really need to buckle down on that.

One weird thing is that everything is sorta going back to normal, and I'm not sure I like the way my mind is starting to get lazy and complacent. Not that I want to be stressed out all the time, but there were some personality traits from like, a year ago that I kinda wish I could get back. But I'm okay.

How have you and everyone else been?
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Old 05-05-2012, 10:59 AM   #733
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Cliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
I'm keeping on.
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Old 05-07-2012, 04:12 PM   #734
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I'm okay. Pretty much recovered from my annual bout of collapsed lung. I think about you good folks all the time.

Let's all try and post some updates, so we remember we're here for each other.
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Old 05-17-2012, 03:33 PM   #735
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Not much to report on my end... Except that I'm coming to terms with being goth. Not that I dress the part so much, but... I figure if I can be honest with myself about my goth/metalhead persona, it'll make it easier to accept myself as a girl.

To this end, I've been watching lots of youtube clips made by goths. Basic video blogs... And I do feel more like myself now that I'm accepting certain parts of who I am.

Still not courageous enough to wear makeup or nail polish. But I think that's more an overcompensation for being a closeted trans girl, rather than not accepting my gothiness.

Of course, watching those youtube vlogs has made me want to start one of my own. I don't own a video camera though, and it was pointed out to me that every unneccessary purchase puts my transition further away in time.

But I'm a shopaholic, and I can't stop thinking about buying a video camera, even though it's not essential. My own vlog is just an excuse for that, I guess.

So yeah... That's about all that's happening in my trans life right now.

Uni's going well. Getting good grades, keeping up with deadlines (barely). It's that "barely" that is stopping me from working part time (or looking for part-time work, as the case may be). Uni grades are too important in comparison to a dead-end entry-level job...

So I'm not really making any money, but I've been pretty good about not losing money either. Yes, I've spent a chunk of my savings on various things, but I still have savings in the bank. That's growth for me.

Anyway, I'm rambling.
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Old 05-21-2012, 03:03 PM   #736
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In other news, I think I've matured a lot these last few years...

Whereas before, I went from "asexual genderless-ish child" to "horny teenager" to "horny trans adult", now I'm reaching a point where good conversation is enough for me. It's not all about sex!

Like, I met this girl at Uni. I don't think we'll ever have a romantic relationship, which is fine, because I just honestly like talking to her. Like, I think I'm maturing because, even though there's attraction there, I recognise that you can just be friendly with someone who you're attracted to.

I'm rambling, and I don't think I'm making my point very well... Like, a few years ago, if I met a cute girl who was on my wavelength, I'd obsess about starting a sexual relationship with her. It'd ruin the friendship.

So that's maturity, right? Just being able to express myself and it's not a big deal about where it leads?

Maybe what I'm feeling is the confidence of having learnt my lesson... I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, and now I feel like I can control what's happening to me and around me. I don't have to make stupid decisions anymore!

It's kind of liberating, but the nature of what I'm feeling right now isn't a big deal in itself. It's not this big tumultuous feeling driving me to do things. It's just... I don't know. Something calm, mildly good, but which I can recognise is a big step in the right direction.

It could be my antidepressants talking, or it could be just me finally maturing. Probably the latter. When I was unaccepting of myself as a trans girl, pretending to just be a normal guy, I played into stereotypes. "Oh, let's get drunk and make dumb jokes, and oh, I so got laid last night dudes!" Ugh. Kill me now.

...

Sorry for the ramble. But it feels like a long time since I've really made a progress report in here...
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Old 05-21-2012, 09:22 PM   #737
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In other news, I think I've matured a lot these last few years...

Whereas before, I went from "asexual genderless-ish child" to "horny teenager" to "horny trans adult", now I'm reaching a point where good conversation is enough for me. It's not all about sex!

Like, I met this girl at Uni. I don't think we'll ever have a romantic relationship, which is fine, because I just honestly like talking to her. Like, I think I'm maturing because, even though there's attraction there, I recognise that you can just be friendly with someone who you're attracted to.

I'm rambling, and I don't think I'm making my point very well... Like, a few years ago, if I met a cute girl who was on my wavelength, I'd obsess about starting a sexual relationship with her. It'd ruin the friendship.

So that's maturity, right? Just being able to express myself and it's not a big deal about where it leads?

Maybe what I'm feeling is the confidence of having learnt my lesson... I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, and now I feel like I can control what's happening to me and around me. I don't have to make stupid decisions anymore!

It's kind of liberating, but the nature of what I'm feeling right now isn't a big deal in itself. It's not this big tumultuous feeling driving me to do things. It's just... I don't know. Something calm, mildly good, but which I can recognise is a big step in the right direction.

It could be my antidepressants talking, or it could be just me finally maturing. Probably the latter. When I was unaccepting of myself as a trans girl, pretending to just be a normal guy, I played into stereotypes. "Oh, let's get drunk and make dumb jokes, and oh, I so got laid last night dudes!" Ugh. Kill me now.

...

Sorry for the ramble. But it feels like a long time since I've really made a progress report in here...
Ramble away, my friend. I like to read your good news!
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Old 05-26-2012, 10:18 AM   #738
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My face looks androgynous to some extent now that my hair is longer. It's a step in the right direction...

That is all.
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Old 05-26-2012, 11:03 AM   #739
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Androgynous is very good starting point. After some time on estrogen (assuming you go that route), your face will probably go fully into the typical feminine appearance.
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Old 05-26-2012, 11:12 AM   #740
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That's what I'm hoping for.

Does anyone know - when I get my facial hair removed (electrolysis or whatever works) will my lip/chin/neck/etc. start to become smoother again?

It was smooth before I hit puberty, but now, even when I've shaved, it's still kind of rough... But if the hair stopped growing, would it go back to normal, or would I need to help it along with lots of moisturiser and stuff?

Just wondering.

...

I'm not in the mood to work on my Uni essays right now... I keep thinking about making my fiction submission-quality and trying to earn some money for independence... But that's a long process, and Uni has a deadline whereas fiction (alas) does not.

So I'm fucking about online instead.

Was anyone else like this pre-transition? Like, you know what you should be doing, but nothing will give you that instant trans-fix, so you just waste time?

Does that stop happening during or after transition? Or am I just unfocussed?
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Old 05-26-2012, 01:22 PM   #741
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To your first question, the skin on you upper lip should go back to what it was before you had hair and be no more rougher than the rest of your face (well, the hair free areas of your face.

For the second question, yeah, I'm like that also. Though for me it's that I've always been an expert at procrastination. As for it ending when transition is over, who knows. How transition affects your personality/mind is a, results may vary, type deal.
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Old 05-26-2012, 02:10 PM   #742
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Mmm, okay.

I'm having a bit of a blah day, where I'm obsessing over things.
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Old 05-28-2012, 11:37 PM   #743
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On your first question, it'll go softer (but it's a long process with a probable combination of laser and electrolysis). Oestrogen also softens skin to an extent.

Procrastination has nothing to do with being transgender. It's inherent in the human condition. The brain doesn't want to do mundane tasks and will do everything in it's power to avoid doing them. The trick is to override that, and feel so much better when you're organised and ahead of schedule. (I'm as guilty as anyone else on this front.)

Transitioning is far from an instant process, and the only place to start is at the beginning. Never underestimate the progress that a change in social perception of gender has.
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Old 05-30-2012, 03:23 PM   #744
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That's what I'm hoping for.

Does anyone know - when I get my facial hair removed (electrolysis or whatever works) will my lip/chin/neck/etc. start to become smoother again?

It was smooth before I hit puberty, but now, even when I've shaved, it's still kind of rough... But if the hair stopped growing, would it go back to normal, or would I need to help it along with lots of moisturiser and stuff?

Just wondering.

...

I'm not in the mood to work on my Uni essays right now... I keep thinking about making my fiction submission-quality and trying to earn some money for independence... But that's a long process, and Uni has a deadline whereas fiction (alas) does not.

So I'm fucking about online instead.

Was anyone else like this pre-transition? Like, you know what you should be doing, but nothing will give you that instant trans-fix, so you just waste time?

Does that stop happening during or after transition? Or am I just unfocussed?
I was almost completely unable to focus on all but the absolute must do's prior to transition. After transition I was amazed by the ability to concentrate and focus and get stuff done.

My mind just wanted to focus on being a girl, then a woman...everything else was meh...then I got to start living my life. That's how it was for me. Everbody's different.
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Old 05-31-2012, 12:20 AM   #745
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Question Who's T?

Hey there, I am not transgender per se, though I am genderqueer, but my "Beloved Pilgrim" is what I call "Grrlz2Men"... a story about a woman who prefers to live as a man. Do i fit in here?

Nan
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Old 05-31-2012, 03:37 PM   #746
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Hey there, I am not transgender per se, though I am genderqueer, but my "Beloved Pilgrim" is what I call "Grrlz2Men"... a story about a woman who prefers to live as a man. Do i fit in here?

Nan
Yep. Welcome.
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Old 05-31-2012, 09:17 PM   #747
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Procrastination has nothing to do with being transgender. It's inherent in the human condition. The brain doesn't want to do mundane tasks and will do everything in it's power to avoid doing them. The trick is to override that, and feel so much better when you're organised and ahead of schedule. (I'm as guilty as anyone else on this front.)
Thanks for that. I probably needed to hear that.

Off to get some writing done.
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Old 06-01-2012, 01:00 AM   #748
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Hi, thread! Am I glad to see you exist.

(Bigender, fyi.)
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Old 06-01-2012, 08:27 AM   #749
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Cliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCliff Face is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
So... I mentioned last year that I was toying with an idea of how to come out as trans.

It revolved around doing Sociology at Uni, and finding a gender-related essay question or somesuch to test the waters with discussion.

Anyway, I just tried to do my timetable for next semester, and the subjects I had chosen clashed, which I didn't realise until today (the schedules weren't available when I enrolled in them).

1 subject I had to keep, so that stayed, but my 2 electives got scrapped and replaced with 2 others. The whole thing works now, no clashes, but this is relevant here because I've chosen a Women's Studies elective, which is very focussed on sex and gender and change.

So this actually works out better than the Sociology subject. If I go through with the plan...

Well, I might test the waters, not too sure about coming out.

Anyway, just enrolled in that, so I thought I'd mention it.

Looks like we've got some new people in the T Party. Welcome!
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Old 06-01-2012, 04:55 PM   #750
robertsloan2
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 91
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Big news

Purr, so glad to see everyone here. Cliffy, you've been growing in enormous leaps and bounds since I last posted. On the shirts thing - cool that I'm not the only one who noticed that. Since I got my chest done, I got a black shirt with gray horizontal stripes as a gift from a friend. To my surprise when I tried it on, it made my shoulders and chest look enormous. You're right about horizontal vs. vertical stripes.

I think they don't put horizontal stripes on women's clothing because most women want to slim down. I hadn't thought about it except when wearing that shirt, but it's a good thing, a subtle thing that may help me pass.

I still have trouble passing on days when I'm sick. Wearing a Charlie Brown shirt might actually help people cue that "this is a sick dude hunched over in a power chair" instead of "little old lady."

Lots of personal news. First, I got recommended to a nurse practitioner, Dr. Wu, who specializes in helping transguys transition. She talked to me about the dosage in my Androgel and explained it was a minimal, maintenance dose. Not enough for me to actually transition. So she put me on the shots. Because I can't self inject, I go in to the clinic to have a nurse shoot me in the butt. This is expensive - $4 a round trip on Paratransit and expensive on body energy for the past few months of going every week.

I am starting to get a little more body and facial hair though. I've got the facial hair of a fifteen year old instead of a thirteen year old.

I started therapy at the gender-focused clinic. They do diagnoses and more, I'm there for PTSD. Julie is awesome. The first thing she decided to do as my therapist is to do the paperwork to get Ari official as a support animal. He is an Emotional Support animal, when I get the papers I'll be entitled to take him anywhere, even into my clinic visits or on public transportation and everything. Most of all if I get city housing and they don't allow pets, he gets in like a seeing eye dog.

My writer friend Nico says "You got a Prescription Strength Cat."

He is too, he notices if I'm in too much pain and will get my attention fast. He'll put his warm fuzzy tummy directly on what hurts sometimes. If I'm depressed, I will get head bonked and purred at - he can be very insistent about breaking me out of a funk. For all I know, I might even qualify for some financial assistance for his vet visits and stuff.

The biggest Big News though is what I did a couple of weeks ago. I found out online about a seniors-disabled group going to City Hall to speak to the Board of Supervisors - for any Chicagoan, that's the Aldermen, it's the city council. So I inquired about going. The guy got back to me on the phone and was very encouraging.

He said he wanted the Supervisors to put a human face and some real stories to the gaps in city housing and other services. I told him about paying 75% of my income in rent and trying to eat on $100 a month (without mentioning that usually had to do with $60 in Kindle books and other expenses like getting the best cat food) and he wanted me to speak. I asked him if mentioning that I'm trans would be a liability or a benefit. This is San Francisco, after all.

"Definitely put that in. They need to hear from GBLT seniors and disabled. Your group needs to be visible."

So I spent about a week mentally rehearsing. I got so stressed that I goofed up on Paratransit and didn't check the address, almost got dropped off somewhere else, got that sorted out, arrived feeling like a blithering idiot. I should have just said "City Hall."

They were already up on the steps so I rolled up there in my power chair, met everyone including the speakers, and then they did their press interview. I wasn't one of the speakers for the press interview, those were organizers. But I wound up on local TV anyway in the group of them because no one said "roll back here now Rob, we have a presentation" and I was sort of close to the podium. So there I am, wearing a yellow plastic novelty hard hat for Healthcare Action Team grinning like a fool and applauding enthusiastically, on TV.

This did something to my sanity. It brought back a chunk of my soul that I'd lost way back in the wayback. I'd been isolated living with friends or in shelters for too long without public speaking of any kind. I went in. I rolled up the middle aisle because it was the widest and found a parking spot where a chair was removed.

Some really interesting demographic presentations later, they called for the speakers from the audience. "Mobility impaired and people who have to leave early first." Which was me and I was next to that podium so I just rolled over about 8 feet and went first.

"Hi. I'm Robert Sloan. I'm a fifty seven year old disabled transman..."

I'd thought a lot about it but not rehearsed as such, not planned to the word what I was going to say. It was all improv. I never have memorized and read a speech in my life. I just decide what's got to be in it and that's it. I told them that San Francisco was the first place anyone ever called me Sir, that it was where I joined the human race. I told them that I didn't think I'd survive anywhere else in the country.

And then I rolled right on into my budget and my plans for eventual self employment, that when I'm eating on $100 a month I don't have the budget to put anything into building websites or self publishing books.

It was incredible. From behind me this indrawn breath of silence, attentive, supportive silence. In front of me the Supervisors listening, riveted, moved. I was a reminder of why they ran for office in the first place, why they care about their jobs.

At the end, the applause completely blew me away. I'd come in twelve seconds under my allotted 2 minutes, tight and powerful. My voice was strong and I knew how to project from all those previous times I'd spoken about BDSM in the Janus group or done fan art presentations at conventions, the Unitarian Universalist talent night, amateur acting. I'd forgotten what applause felt like. This was heavier though.

This was welcoming. This was my city letting me know this is where I belong. I came home and this is where I belong. I didn't have time to mention that San Francisco is the first place in my life that ever had real democracy, where politics is the city's favorite sport.

Someone told me "San Francisco today is about as trans-friendly as it was gay-friendly in 79 when you first came." They were right. So totally right. It's night and day. I knew it from a distance when I found out things like "city employees can transition on their health coverage" back in 2002. This was when it came home and slugged me in the gut. I belong here. There's no going back.
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