Poetry.com / International Library of Poetry / Watermark Press

A Poetry Scam?

I assume that http://www.poets.com is a scam. I recently checked my dog's email account and found three messages from Poets' Workshop inviting my dog (well, they don't know he's a dog) to join them. Obviously they harvested my dog's name from Poetry.com where he posted his, uh, doggerel last week.

Anyhow, after I checked the Poets' Workshop site (he hasn't decided if he'll register yet), I found this info:

Quick Overview
The Poets’ Workshop is a community of serious poets aspiring to improve their craft by making their work available to review and critique by other poetic artists. Because of its tremendous popularity, The Poets’ Workshop has now become the largest poetic forum ever assembled, with thousands of members actively publishing and critiquing poetic works every hour of every day.

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Makes me wonder if they have 16,000 happy authors. Anyhow, further down, I found this:

You will move up the ranks of accomplishment!
You will quickly find yourself moving up the ranks of poetic accomplishment by posting your poetry, receiving multiple reviews and critiques of your posted works, and improving your skills. Your work is then gradually exposed to more and more people--poetic peers who have moved up the ranks just like you. Positive feedback about your work tends to move you up faster. Additionally, although you are never required to judge the poetry of others, there are various motivations for reviewing the works of others in a forthright and helpful manner. And by doing so, you not only have the satisfaction of assisting others in their quest for international recognition, but you are also gaining appropriate recognition and awards as a judge, as well as helping yourself to qualify for additional opportunities for feedback to your poems that will help move you up the ranks of poets as well.

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The ranks of poetic accomplishment?

You will receive actual Awards!
And as you move up the ranks of accomplishment, both as a poet and as a judge, you are awarded actual tangible rewards through the use of a point system based on the reviews you receive and write. You will earn certificates, embroidered patches, bronze and solid silver medals, and you will become entitled to progressively higher titles within your community. You can aspire to move through ten different, and increasingly rigorous levels of accomplishment to the coveted "Laureate" level which attests to your international prominence among your peers, and comes with it a solid Silver Medal of Honor attesting to your accomplishment and your popularity within the largest poetry forum ever assembled.

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But where will my dog wear his patches and medals? His collar only has so much room. And who pays for all those awards?

I didn't let my dog register for this, uh, workshop. He's really not at a level to critique other poets' poems, regardless of what species they might be.

I wonder how many poet wannabees have been scammed by this outfit that harvests names from Poetry.com? (Or is this a part of Poetry.com?)

PVish (who lends her computer to her elderly mixed retriever; otherwise he never could have been ordained as a minister in the Universal Life Church http://www.ulc.org)

Poetry scams have been around, I believe before Adam and Eve. I sent in a poem to one of those things approximately 40 years ago. Naturally, it was accepted and ended up printed in a rather attractive hardbound book with several hundred others. I bought my copy for $25.00, as I recall, and there was my poem. I kept the book around for several years, finally giving it to a cousin.

And yes, when I was in California in 1964, I applied to the Universal Life Church to be a minister. They sent me a nice certificate and a small wallet-sized card, that I used to prove my ability to conduct fake overnight weddings for military members. I think I may have preached a sermon or two. It was suggested that if you were a minister with certificate to prove it and held a religious ceremony of some type within your home at least once a week, you could claim tax exempt status. Since I was living in a military barracks at the time, I thought it better not to test that theory.

I think writers, along with senile old ladies, are the most preyed upon of all members of our society. If it becomes known that you are a writer, there are always those watching for a way to get into your pocket.

hmmmm. My only question is why does your dog have an email account? Well, I suppose I have another question...does your dog know that you have their password and that you go into their account and read their own private emails? Well, I guess I have yet another question...is your dog a good poet?

PVish said:

Makes me wonder if they have 16,000 happy authors. Anyhow, further down, I found this:

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::::bad image, bad image....make it go away...PA & Poetry. com in a merger...::::

KTC said:

hmmmm. My only question is why does your dog have an email account? Well, I suppose I have another question...does your dog know that you have their password and that you go into their account and read their own private emails?

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Don't be silly. Of course the dog knows. He obviously gave PVish the password so she could check his messages for him. He has more important thing to do that read email all day. Sheesh!

Originally Posted by KTC
hmmmm. My only question is why does your dog have an email account?

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And why not? Should one be denied online access because one is not human?

Celia Cyanide said:

Don't be silly. Of course the dog knows. He obviously gave PVish the password so she could check his messages for him. He has more important thing to do that read email all day. Sheesh!

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Why, that's exactly what happened! Since Jack freelances as a security guard in the backyard, he rarely has time to check his email. In fact, he's so otherwise occupied that he's only a few chapters into his novel that perhaps a certain publisher will give the, uh, chance it deserves. . . . I have noticed that some other authors published by that publisher have published poems on poetry.com.

I like Maryn's idea of getting email addys for toys. Perhaps some of my furniture will have to go online. Or possibly a few of my vehicles. . . .

Alas, my dog is not a good poet. He's best when writing doggerel. However, he was named a semi-finalist in the ILP a few years ago. Having no money, he couldn't buy the book or go to the ILP convention in Washington, DC. His semi-finalist poem was removed from the ILP site a few months ago, so naturally he had to repost more poems. He hasn't yet received anything telling him he is a semi-finalist again, though.

Master Bedroom said:

Crapping on the lawn, flies buzzing, very irritating,
I snap my jaws, catch one, yummy!

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I wipe tears from my eyes at this beautiful sentiment. Have you thought about a greeting card, MB?

For all our poet friends: Where do you find the poetry that you yourself read?

Send your works there.

Maryn said:

At our house we have several throw-away accounts . . . several of our toys have email accounts that we all freely use. This includes a plastic skeletal hand. . . .

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Oh, wow! That hand has got to try its hand (itself?) at submitting some poetry to Poetry.com. And it really should put the finger on PA by submitting a book—you know they'll accept its handiwork and give it the chance it deserves!

Meanwhile, back to dogs and poetry.com:
If anyone wants to jerk the ILP around, see humorist Dave Barry's blog for Sunday, July 13, 2003, in which he suggested that people adopt the name Freemont and post a poem to poetry.com that contains the end line, "The dog ate mother's toes."
http://davebarry.blogspot.com/2003_07_01_davebarry_archive.html#105811601228483717
A lot of Freemonts came forth and put their best foot, er, toes, forward.

Then, proving that poetry.com has a sense of humor (unlike a certain other publisher that takes tones), came back with this.
http://www.poetry.com/freemont/freemont.html

Maryn, perchance is your plastic hand named Freemont? If not, does it want to change it's name?

I am happy to announce that my dog Jack recently received notice from the ILP that "after carefully reading and discussing your poem, our Selection Committee has certified your poem as a semi-finalist in our International Open Poetry Contest."

I was not surprised. Jack was not impressed. He was told that "In celebration of the unique talent you have displayed, we also wish to publish your poem on its own page in what promises to be one of the most highly regarded collections of poetry we have ever published . . ."

The ellipsis points are theirs, not mine. I assume that the words left out are "but we haven't published anything highly regarded yet and this volume won't be either" or somesuch. Anyhow, for a mere $49.95 plus $8 shipping, Jack could own Eternal Portraits. And, if he wants a special slipcase, that's only another $19.95 (or $29.95 with his name on it). Adding his bio info on a page by itself is only $25, a "nominal type-setting fee." If he wants to order a full case of books, he can do so for only $369.95!

Additionally, he'll soon receive a "formal invitation" to attend the "International Society of Poets Summer Convention and Symposium, to be held at the legendary Riveria Hotel and Casina in Las Vegas, NV, July 20-23, 2006."

Yeah, like a big hairy dog wants to go to a hot state in the summer!

Notice the weasely phrase "unique talent." Nowhere did they day his poem was good. And the use of "certified." What the heck does "certified your poem as a semi-finalist" actually mean. (It means, "Yeah, we got your poem. Now let's see if we can get your money!")

Well, I guess I'll have to hold his paw while he signs the "Artist's Proof" so his poem can be published. But he's not signing any checks!

Anybody thinking these poetry scams are real and that the scumbags who run these contests actually think you have talent--well, think again. And don't send them any money!

My dog also has an email account, but since she's a bad writer she hasn't submitted any poetry. She sometimes logs in to Messenger and chats with my friends.

DamaNegra said:

My dog also has an email account, but since she's a bad writer she hasn't submitted any poetry. She sometimes logs in to Messenger and chats with my friends.

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If your dog is a bad writer, all the more reason to submit poetry to a scam outfit. Or perhaps a scam novel to another scam publisher. Scammers should be scammed themselves and if it takes a dog to do it, so be it.

CaoPaux said:

I dare ya to take Jack to the convention, so when folks ask what your poem was, ya can say, "oh, mine didn't win, his did".

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I'm not paying planefare, hotel bills, and over-priced admission to a dubious poetry convention for the satisfaction of saying that. (Had I money to fling about for my dog's literary efforts, I would rather use it for Jack to attend the class to get his "Certificate of Writing Leadership" from the Piedmont Writers Institute so he could conduct poetry classes.)

I'm very impressed with Jack--both my parrots stink at writing poetry. Please give Jack our congrats. Can we have his autograph?

Legitimate contest

Guess what! Jack now qualifies to enter a real (ie, non-scam) poetry contest that offers real ($$$) prizes:

The Wergle Fromp Poetry Contest

The site is hilarious, especially the winners from this past year. The second place entry is magnificent!

I was talking to this nice old woman one afternoon, for whatever reason, and it casually became known that I was a writer. (An aside: the reason this becomes known a lot is my friend, who without any particular reason, will announce to people proudly, "He's a writer.)

"Oh, my granddaugter is a writer!" This old misty-eyed woman tells me happily. "I should introduce you, you would get along so well, she's such a nice and pretty girl, so thin."

I smiled, indicated that I and my wife would not mind meeting her, and then asked if she'd been published.

"Oh, she's a wonderful poet! She's just gotten a poem published again this year! She's a finalist of some sort."

Worried, I pressed for details. Eventually, I established that yes, her granddaughter was a proud finalist on poetry.com. It broke my heart. I didn't tell her, I couldn't stomach it.

The rest of the conversation was her telling me how well her daughter and I would get along, were we to go on dates...

I just checked my dog's email. Now he's been invited to join the International Society of Poets! Steven J. Michaels of <[email protected]> sent him this email:

Dear Jack,

After reading and discussing your poetry, the Editorial Advisory Board of the International Library of Poetry has nominated you for membership in the most exciting poetry organization in the world--the International Society of Poets!

The Board of Trustees unanimously agrees to award you with a free Associate Membership in our society. As Chairman, I want to personally discuss with you the benefits of Official Membership, as space is limited and filling up quickly. Jack, I know that after hearing what we're all about, you will join us as a member of our society--the International Society of Poets! You must act quickly if you want to join as an Official Member. We only accept a limited number of members each year, and space is running out!

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. . . and there's more, but you get the idea.

The other levels of membership can get pricey. Read more about this garbage in their on-line brochure:
http://www.poetry.com/poetscorner/brochure.asp

How many people actually fall for this crap? (I know one dog who won't.)
Amazing that PA hasn't thought of an "International Society of Traditionally Published Authors" (at greatly inflated membership prices, of course).

PVish said:

The ellipsis points are theirs, not mine. I assume that the words left out are "but we haven't published anything highly regarded yet and this volume won't be either" or somesuch. Anyhow, for a mere $49.95 plus $8 shipping, Jack could own Eternal Portraits. And, if he wants a special slipcase, that's only another $19.95 (or $29.95 with his name on it). Adding his bio info on a page by itself is only $25, a "nominal type-setting fee." If he wants to order a full case of books, he can do so for only $369.95!

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ETERNAL PORTRAITS????????

Those dirty, rotten, sorry, s*****b******!!!!!!!!! Arrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I swear I HATE those people. I mean, I REALLY despise them. Sense of humor??? Oh sure, they've got one all right. Those low-down scum-sucking b*******!!!

Eternal Portraits was going to be the name of the book that my poem was supposed to have been published in, back in 2003 - 2004. ISBN 0-7951-5227-2. Apparently, they didn't have enough people fall for it then, so now they've resurrected the name. Even though I still have the rights to my poem, that is hardly the point. These people should be shot. Or skinned and dipped into vats of salty water while hanging upside down by their toes.

I didn't know any better, I fell for it, and I've learned from it. However, it still just burns my biscuits to know that those "people" are getting away with this. It breaks my heart to know that even KIDS are falling into this one!!! I just......... They seriously need to be shut down, or at the very least, they need to be forced to openly admit, in bold print and in a very prominent place, that they are what amounts to a vanity press and that you WILL NOT receive any prizes of any kind.......well, that is, unless you actually shell out the money to go to the symposium. (Which I have since read some more horror stories about.......)

*deep sigh*

Okay, I've gotten that out of my system now. Sorry for that rant, but I am so SICK of them.

I have to admit, though, it is hilarious that they sent that to your DOG!!!!