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Thread: The Old Farts Bar, Grill and Infirmary

  1. #9701
    Not responsible for bitten fingers Shadow_Ferret's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    You actually want fake honey? That's sick, Ferret. All you have do is warm up your old honey. Stuff lasts forever.
    Of course it lasts forever. It's bee vomit.

    And is still like to know what the fake stuff is. Better living through chemistry.


    Like Twinkies.
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    “I love words but I don’t like strange ones. You don’t understand them and they don’t understand you. Old words is like old friends, you know ‘em the minute you see ‘em.” -- Will Rogers

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  2. #9702
    Gone Fishing SuperModerator Haggis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow_Ferret View Post
    Of course it lasts forever. It's bee vomit.


    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow_Ferret View Post
    And is still like to know what the fake stuff is. Better living through chemistry.


    Like Twinkies.
    I'm SRSLY thinking about writing up a blog post about it. If I do I'll post all the details I can find out and I'll let you know. In the meantime, cogitate on this.
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  3. #9703
    Not responsible for bitten fingers Shadow_Ferret's Avatar
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    What about the generic bear bottles? I can't say I've ever even seen Winnie the Pooh the pooh?

    And I've always thought the honey in those little restaurant tubs tasted odd.
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    “I love words but I don’t like strange ones. You don’t understand them and they don’t understand you. Old words is like old friends, you know ‘em the minute you see ‘em.” -- Will Rogers

    "Blame it on my ADD, baby." -- AWOLNATION

  4. #9704
    POP$ AW benefactor Chase's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow_Ferret View Post
    Of course it lasts forever. It's bee vomit.

    And is still like to know what the fake stuff is. Better living through chemistry.
    Ha ha ha, the bee vomit is stark but true. According to the Oregon apiarists association, you can almost be sure of fake honey if the label says "a product of China."

    They say Asian chemists are good at overcoming the previous ban of fake honey by engineering another to pass the current tests.

  5. #9705
    Thick-skinned, but I shoot back. JoeBear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow_Ferret View Post
    What about the generic bear bottles?
    On those bear bottles, it's not real honey unless it says, "Inspected by Joe Bear" on the label.

    Sami has a "Winnie the Pooh" toy in her crib, and every time I get her out of bed in the morning or after her nap, it occurs to my how appropriate that toy is.

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    “Anti-intellectualism has been...nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'” - Isaac Asimov

  6. #9706
    nurturing tomorrows criminals today PorterStarrByrd's Avatar
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    Have we outlived new twinkies ... I mean I know we can't outlive the ones already sitting around somewhere ... but are they going to stop making new ones?
    http://porterstarrbyrd.blogspot.com/

    http://absolutelyunofficialpac12spor....blogspot.com/



    We have met the enemy and he is us - Pogo
    The reason I spend so much time out of the box is that somebody crapped in it - Porter Starr Byrd
    Yield to temptation, it may never come again - unknown

  7. #9707
    Thick-skinned, but I shoot back. JoeBear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PorterStarrByrd View Post
    Have we outlived new twinkies ... I mean I know we can't outlive the ones already sitting around somewhere ... but are they going to stop making new ones?
    Twinkies fans should be okay; they will always be displayed along with other antiquities from Egyptian dig sites, Stonehenge, Moundville, AL, Mayan pyramids, etc.

    Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

    “Anti-intellectualism has been...nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'” - Isaac Asimov

  8. #9708
    Not responsible for bitten fingers Shadow_Ferret's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PorterStarrByrd View Post
    Have we outlived new twinkies ... I mean I know we can't outlive the ones already sitting around somewhere ... but are they going to stop making new ones?
    Bite your tongue! Someone has to buy the rights to make them! Someone has to keep producing them! I can't live in a world without Twinkies!
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    “I love words but I don’t like strange ones. You don’t understand them and they don’t understand you. Old words is like old friends, you know ‘em the minute you see ‘em.” -- Will Rogers

    "Blame it on my ADD, baby." -- AWOLNATION

  9. #9709
    Erotica is not a four letter word! SRHowen's Avatar
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    Ingredients

    This recipe yields 12 full-sized Twinkies, or 24 minis.

    Cake:
    16-ounce box golden pound cake mix
    4 egg whites, beaten until stiff
    2/3 cup (160mL) water

    Filling:
    1/4 cup (57g) non-hydrogenated shortening or coconut oil
    1/4 cup (57g) margarine
    1 cup (125g) powdered sugar
    1 tsp. vanilla extract

    The Rest:
    Twinkie Molds (aluminum foil will do in a pinch)
    Non-stick cooking spray

  10. #9710
    Not responsible for bitten fingers Shadow_Ferret's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SRHowen View Post


    Ingredients

    This recipe yields 12 full-sized Twinkies, or 24 minis.

    Cake:
    16-ounce box golden pound cake mix
    4 egg whites, beaten until stiff
    2/3 cup (160mL) water

    Filling:
    1/4 cup (57g) non-hydrogenated shortening or coconut oil
    1/4 cup (57g) margarine
    1 cup (125g) powdered sugar
    1 tsp. vanilla extract

    The Rest:
    Twinkie Molds (aluminum foil will do in a pinch)
    Non-stick cooking spray
    No. No. No. Those aren't Twinkies. They won't taste the same. Won't have the same sticky gooey texture. Even the other packaged angel food cake imitations dont taste like Twinkies. ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES.
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    “I love words but I don’t like strange ones. You don’t understand them and they don’t understand you. Old words is like old friends, you know ‘em the minute you see ‘em.” -- Will Rogers

    "Blame it on my ADD, baby." -- AWOLNATION

  11. #9711
    Gone Fishing SuperModerator Haggis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow_Ferret View Post
    No. No. No. Those aren't Twinkies. They won't taste the same. Won't have the same sticky gooey texture. Even the other packaged angel food cake imitations dont taste like Twinkies. ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES.
    No. Those would actually taste good. You need that imitation crapola coursing through your little ferret veins, don't you?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lavern08 View Post
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  12. #9712
    nurturing tomorrows criminals today PorterStarrByrd's Avatar
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    Crap is never artificial ...
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    We have met the enemy and he is us - Pogo
    The reason I spend so much time out of the box is that somebody crapped in it - Porter Starr Byrd
    Yield to temptation, it may never come again - unknown

  13. #9713
    Not responsible for bitten fingers Shadow_Ferret's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    No. Those would actually taste good. You need that imitation crapola coursing through your little ferret veins, don't you?
    Blasphemer!

    I won't settle for good. Twinkies are EXCELLENT and can't be made at home. Angel food is just angel food, but a Twinkie is filled with warm childhood memories.
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    “I love words but I don’t like strange ones. You don’t understand them and they don’t understand you. Old words is like old friends, you know ‘em the minute you see ‘em.” -- Will Rogers

    "Blame it on my ADD, baby." -- AWOLNATION

  14. #9714
    nurturing tomorrows criminals today PorterStarrByrd's Avatar
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    yes
    http://porterstarrbyrd.blogspot.com/

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    We have met the enemy and he is us - Pogo
    The reason I spend so much time out of the box is that somebody crapped in it - Porter Starr Byrd
    Yield to temptation, it may never come again - unknown

  15. #9715
    Gone Fishing SuperModerator Haggis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow_Ferret View Post
    Blasphemer!

    I won't settle for good. Twinkies are EXCELLENT and can't be made at home. Angel food is just angel food, but a Twinkie is filled with warm childhood memories.
    Warm childhood memories? Well, they've probably been on the store's shelf since your childhood.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lavern08 View Post
    I don't care what anyone says - Haggis is HAWT!
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  16. #9716
    Not responsible for bitten fingers Shadow_Ferret's Avatar
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    Wow. I hope I don't lose touch with my childhood and become so cynical when I reach your advanced age, Haggis.

    :p
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    “I love words but I don’t like strange ones. You don’t understand them and they don’t understand you. Old words is like old friends, you know ‘em the minute you see ‘em.” -- Will Rogers

    "Blame it on my ADD, baby." -- AWOLNATION

  17. #9717
    nurturing tomorrows criminals today PorterStarrByrd's Avatar
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    haggis has no memory ... but he makes up some nice ones
    http://porterstarrbyrd.blogspot.com/

    http://absolutelyunofficialpac12spor....blogspot.com/



    We have met the enemy and he is us - Pogo
    The reason I spend so much time out of the box is that somebody crapped in it - Porter Starr Byrd
    Yield to temptation, it may never come again - unknown

  18. #9718
    Gone Fishing SuperModerator Haggis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow_Ferret View Post
    Wow. I hope I don't lose touch with my childhood and become so cynical when I reach your advanced age, Haggis.

    :p
    Warm childhood memories? Those were Hostess cupcakes, my friend. Not Twinkies.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lavern08 View Post
    I don't care what anyone says - Haggis is HAWT!
    Stewie the Chihuey
    featuring the lovely and talented




  19. #9719
    Thick-skinned, but I shoot back. JoeBear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    Warm childhood memories? Those were Hostess cupcakes, my friend. Not Twinkies.
    All we had was grits with molasses dribbled over them.

    Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

    “Anti-intellectualism has been...nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'” - Isaac Asimov

  20. #9720
    Gone Fishing SuperModerator Haggis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoeBear View Post
    All we had was grits with molasses dribbled over them.
    You had molasses? All we got were some rocks.

    And dirt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lavern08 View Post
    I don't care what anyone says - Haggis is HAWT!
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    featuring the lovely and talented




  21. #9721
    Oh, puh-leeze. Michael Myers's Avatar
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    On the farm, the standard treat after chores was a casserole of egg noodles, diced pork, and sweet corn cut off the cob. Peas out of the garden when in season; diced potatoes. All smothered in canned mushroom soup and slow cooked in the oven.


    It always comes down to trust.
    But trust doesn't live forever.

  22. #9722
    When All Else Fails, Lavern It© Lavern08's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoeBear View Post

    All we had was grits with molasses dribbled over them.
    You rang?

    Don't rush me, I'm working on it!



    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    Yeah, I know Ted, but Vernie is hawt nice.


  23. #9723
    Thick-skinned, but I shoot back. JoeBear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michael Myers View Post
    On the farm, the standard treat after chores was a casserole of egg noodles, diced pork, and sweet corn cut off the cob. Peas out of the garden when in season; diced potatoes. All smothered in canned mushroom soup and slow cooked in the oven.
    Our big dinners were always fried chicken. Of course, I grew up on a chicken farm, tens of thousands of them every nine weeks. I don't eat chicken much anymore, except sometimes from KFC with fake honey.

    Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

    “Anti-intellectualism has been...nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'” - Isaac Asimov

  24. #9724
    Gone Fishing SuperModerator Haggis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoeBear View Post
    Our big dinners were always fried chicken. Of course, I grew up on a chicken farm, tens of thousands of them every nine weeks. I don't eat chicken much anymore, except sometimes from KFC with fake honey.


    Back when I was finishing school in Buffalo, I bartended to pay the bills. The bars there used to serve a sandwich (still do I understand) that consisted of a hand carved roast beef, sliced from a steamship round, and served on a special roll called kummelweck. Kummelweck is kind of like a kaiser roll, but made with kummel (a german caraway seed based liquor with an umlaut [the word "kummel" not the liquor itself]) and topped with kosher salt (the roll, not the liquor). We served it with horseradish and a dill pickle on the side. The bartenders carved the beef. I got so I could cut it so thin you could almost see through it.

    Every Friday about a minute before midnight, the Catholics flocked to the bar. I always started slicing ahead.

    Eventually I got so sick of roast beef I couldn't eat it for a couple of years after I finally left that job. I'm better now.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lavern08 View Post
    I don't care what anyone says - Haggis is HAWT!
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    featuring the lovely and talented




  25. #9725
    It's a bird! It's a plane! It's an AW Moderator Ol' Fashioned Girl's Avatar
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    Whew! What a day! This gettin' older is haaaaaaard work. I'm gonna slip into the corner over here where it's quiet and see if I can take a nap...
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