Favorite lines you've written

BethS

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Antsy antsy antsy. The Bear's Wife starts to publish tomorrow. White-knuckling it with crazy hopes of having a hit, while simultaneously reminding myself of how disappointing other book launches have been. Please please please let this at least generate gin money to fuel the next one.

/////

Nick squatted beside the house to feel beneath the bricks that formed its back stoop. There was practically no light; the houses were four stories tall, with lines of washing strung between, which almost entirely obscured the moon and starlight. Still, the windows across the way looked down on us. I watched them in mute resignation.

“Daagh!” Nick scattled away from the steps and hit his back on the yard’s wall. A tiny shadow squeaked and scampered away. “Vicious wee bastard bit me!”

“Cannot blame him,” Flint said. “Fingered his wee wifey, did you? Is she well-favored?”

“Aye, but too small to take me.” Nick thrust his hand under the steps again.

A delight, as always. I'm wildly curious to know who, exactly, is under the steps.

And as I've noted before, your writing is plenty good enough to attract an agent and a publisher. Just sayin'.
 

Katharine Tree

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A delight, as always. I'm wildly curious to know who, exactly, is under the steps.

And as I've noted before, your writing is plenty good enough to attract an agent and a publisher. Just sayin'.

A family of mice is under the steps. Nick is feeling for a key hidden there.

I queried several likely agents, well ahead of publishing, and none of them were interested. Guess the big bucks for this one are mine-all-mine.
 

Twick

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"MF. YES. SOME BACKGROUND MAY BE NECESSARY. AS OF FIVE MINUTES AGO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE NINE ARE NOW THE BUTCHER SHOP TWO." The mask tilted as Dire considered. "PROBABLY GONNA GO DOWN TO THE HOT DOG STAND ONE BEFORE THE DAY'S OUT."

Took me a moment to figure that out, but then I got it. Funny!
 

BethS

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A family of mice is under the steps. Nick is feeling for a key hidden there.

I queried several likely agents, well ahead of publishing, and none of them were interested. Guess the big bucks for this one are mine-all-mine.

Only several?

There are a lot of successful writers who got an agent only after dozens and dozens of rejections. Also, if you have more than one manuscript, you can always try again with the second or third novel.

I will stop with the unwanted advice now. But your writing is good, Katharine. You have a great ear for dialogue and the play of emotion between characters is just wonderful. I'd hate to see you give up on trade-publishing without giving it a fair chance, is all.
 
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Katharine Tree

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Eh. As you know from previous conversations, I'm not dying to see my name in print (have already done that in the academic world), so the exhausting query process mostly seems not-worth-it to me. Even after being told that The Bear's Wife is "unpublishable" and "an auto-reject" due to its length, I queried a few agents on the same principle one buys a lotto ticket when Powerball is over half a million: just so the chance is nonzero.

Had a mini-meltdown on Twitter over the state of publishing (I have ... many things ... to say about the query letter process) and got the attention of a published author and former literary agent. His take is that authors are better off with indie presses and no agents. With that in mind, and three SFFPit favorites from Wednesday, I just submitted my Settlement series to one of them. So once again, nonzero chance, but I'm not keeping my fingers crossed.

But your writing is good, Katharine.
Why thank you. Let's see if this publisher thinks so, too ;)
 
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Sword&Shield

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Hi Katharine and Beth. :Hug2:

I lurk often. I rarely post. I read often. I rarely write.

However, I will agree with Beth from a pure reader position. I don't know a lot about the publishing world but I read on average a book a week. You have the talent to see your fiction on the best seller shelves of the local brick and mortar shops. You are a prolific poster and I have enjoyed reading many of your contributions here.

I went ahead and purchased The Bear's Wife. I am normally an avid historical fiction reader, however I do like to dabble in scifi. Romance will be newish for me, but I do like to read different things. I just happen to be between books in a series so I will take the next week to read your new book. Hopefully I will be able to leave you an awesome review on Amazon. :)

I don't mean to be blasting rainbows and sunshine on you, I just wanted to echo Beth's comments- you can write.
 

BethS

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Katharine, I wish you the absolute best success, whatever road you end up on. :)
 

Viridian

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(I told her the same thing a little while ago. I'm sitting here reading these posts and feeling pretty smug.)
 

Reziac

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Jhavinn is a minor bad guy who took on a life of his own. Here he's trying to steal a starship.

===============

Sunray Seeker, said the plate next the hatch. Fancy-ass name for a plain-looking ship. He'd have to change it.

He started toward Sunray, and two guards came out of the shack at a run. "Hold it!" one yelled, waving a blaster and meaning business.

So Jhavinn halted, all innocence. "Just come to pick up my ship."

"It's got impound fees," said the guard with the blaster. The other backed away toward the shack, talking into a comlink as he went.

"Fine," said Jhavinn, making like to dig credits from his pouch, "how much?"

"I dunno. You gotta go to town and get a release."

This one wasn't going to take a bribe, he could tell. And the other had already informed on him. So he said, "All right," all pleasant-like, and headed for the gate. The short walk to town would stretch his legs. He sneaked a look back as he turned onto the road. The guard was still standing there, blaster in hand, not trusting him at all. Some people had more duty crammed up their ass than was good for them.
 

Twick

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Aelfinn manages to skip out on travelling with his enemies:

How would Wildsword have reported to my father that I’d been killed on the trip? I hope he would have given me the dignity of dying in battle. But it would probably have pleased him to claim that Kessie was startled by a rabbit, and I fell off and broke my neck.
 

Reziac

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Hee hee, a fine passel of lowlife we've assembled here today :greenie

I like the ambiguity of "Wildsword". It could be "wild sword" or "wilds word", both pleasing to my eye.
 
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Twick

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Hee hee, a fine passel of lowlife we've assembled here today :greenie

I like the ambiguity of "Wildsword". It could be "wild sword" or "wilds word", both pleasing to my eye.
We are a wretched hive of scum and villainy.:evil
 

kkbe

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Katharine, good luck, for sure. I agree with ViridianChick and BethS, et al, you are an excellent writer. . .
Which brings me to Rez, whose writing I always enjoy, even as I try to steel myself for whatever might be coming.
And I enjoyed your little excerpt, Twick. Perfect way to show the less-than-cordial relationship twixt your narrator and Wildsword. :)
 
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BethS

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Jhavinn is a minor bad guy who took on a life of his own. Here he's trying to steal a starship.

===============

Sunray Seeker, said the plate next the hatch. Fancy-ass name for a plain-looking ship. He'd have to change it.

He started toward Sunray, and two guards came out of the shack at a run. "Hold it!" one yelled, waving a blaster and meaning business.

So Jhavinn halted, all innocence. "Just come to pick up my ship."

"It's got impound fees," said the guard with the blaster. The other backed away toward the shack, talking into a comlink as he went.

"Fine," said Jhavinn, making like to dig credits from his pouch, "how much?"

"I dunno. You gotta go to town and get a release."

This one wasn't going to take a bribe, he could tell. And the other had already informed on him. So he said, "All right," all pleasant-like, and headed for the gate. The short walk to town would stretch his legs. He sneaked a look back as he turned onto the road. The guard was still standing there, blaster in hand, not trusting him at all. Some people had more duty crammed up their ass than was good for them.

That last line is brilliant. Just brilliant.
 

BethS

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So Darric is a lone emissary in enemy territory. The enemy, a more primitive people than Darric's own, doesn't quite know what to do with him.

Egon is the enemy chieftain. The Shirin are seers and wield a great deal of power. Darric has heard of them but never met one until now.

He was trying to figure out how to eat the good parts of the fish while avoiding its fins and scales, all without a knife, when he became aware of a growing silence and the crowd shifting out of the path of someone climbing the central aisle. He looked up expectantly, his movement mirrored by everyone on the dais.

Hopes were dashed. It was not Rodan, but a group of seven men. All wore long tunics of leather bleached pale as bone, trimmed in black fur and the white feathers of a winter owl, and their gray hair flowed loose over their shoulders. Most appeared elderly, but none were infirm; rather, there was an erect agelessness about them, like the strength and grandeur of old trees.

Ah. Darric straightened for a better look. Enter the Shirin.

They halted in a semi-circle a few paces away. Egon, expressionless, nodded with stiff courtesy. One of the Shirin interpreted this as an invitation and seated himself next to Moriana. The rest faded to the back of the dais.

The newly arrived man had iron-gray hair hanging in long wisps down to his waist, a rather aggressive nose, and restless dark eyes. They surveyed those sitting around him, skipping over Darric as if he were unpleasant to look at, and coming to rest on Moriana.

"Where is Rodan, child?" he asked gently. He had a diplomat's voice, tempered and polished, like exceptionally fine steel.

She shrugged, avoiding his gaze. Aland gave a short laugh. "No doubt he's preparing himself and his bed for the night ahead."

Laughter rippled among those near enough to hear him, though Egon did not join in. The Shirin's leader again eyed Moriana, with an expression Darric did not like—proprietary but not at all fatherly. After a moment, the man turned to Egon, a smile still lingering. "While we're waiting, tell me what this Keldian has said to you." He inclined his head toward Darric.

"He says he's an emissary, sent from the leader of the Keldians. Tomorrow I will send him back."

"I remind you that the Shirin are owed a price for him." The man looked directly at Darric for the first time. "I've been thinking about that price. According to our custom, in return for your healing you must give whatever I ask. Why should I not require the eyes to be gouged from your face, the guts reeled from your belly, and the skin peeled from your bones?"

Darric laid the fish he'd been attempting to flay back on his plate, his appetite now utterly vanquished.

"You may ask one boon," Egon said gruffly, "not three."

Scant cause for relief, in Darric's opinion. "Why heal the ankle if you only mean to kill the man?"

The Shirin's leader considered him, nostrils pinched as if he smelled something foul. "To give us the right to kill the man."

Darric opened his mouth to say something pointed, and likely useless, about the concept of diplomatic immunity, but Egon cut him off. "Aodh, I remind you that he is under my son's protection. You may have your boon, but not at the cost of his life or limbs. He will return to his people alive and unmarked."

Something vicious glittered in Aodh's eyes. "Send him to me in the morning, then, after the consummation feast. I will think of…something appropriate."

Darric had no intention of spending the next day playing frog to Aodh's schoolboy tortures. "No," he said. "Name the price and I will pay it now. If it is reasonable."

A faint flush mottled Aodh's neck. "Be silent, Keldian. You have no voice in this."

"He doesn't, but I do." Kain had risen, and everyone stared up at him in surprise. "I brought the healer, I claim the boon," he said calmly. "Let the Keldian tell us the truth about why he crossed the wall. Let him tell us here and now."

Darric closed his eyes briefly, both grateful and dismayed. Damn.
 

BethS

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Aelfinn manages to skip out on travelling with his enemies:

Your character sounds like a clever person! With a sense of humor.
 
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PandaMan

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So Darric is a lone emissary in enemy territory. The enemy, a more primitive people than Darric's own, doesn't quite know what to do with him.

Egon is the enemy chieftain. The Shirin are seers and wield a great deal of power. Darric has heard of them but never met one until now.

I like how there's tension, not only in the words spoken, but in every movement and gesture. Nice job!
 

GregM

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So Darric is a lone emissary in enemy territory. The enemy, a more primitive people than Darric's own, doesn't quite know what to do with him.

Egon is the enemy chieftain. The Shirin are seers and wield a great deal of power. Darric has heard of them but never met one until now.

I like that each character had a voice of their own. The writing is good, and interesting! I wanted to keep reading but it ended.
 

BethS

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I like how there's tension, not only in the words spoken, but in every movement and gesture. Nice job!

I like that each character had a voice of their own. The writing is good, and interesting! I wanted to keep reading but it ended.

Many thanks to both of you. Good to know I've done my job.
 

lucky toaster

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Jhavinn is a minor bad guy who took on a life of his own. Here he's trying to steal a starship.

===============

Sunray Seeker, said the plate next the hatch. Fancy-ass name for a plain-looking ship. He'd have to change it.

He started toward Sunray, and two guards came out of the shack at a run. "Hold it!" one yelled, waving a blaster and meaning business.

So Jhavinn halted, all innocence. "Just come to pick up my ship."

"It's got impound fees," said the guard with the blaster. The other backed away toward the shack, talking into a comlink as he went.

"Fine," said Jhavinn, making like to dig credits from his pouch, "how much?"

"I dunno. You gotta go to town and get a release."

This one wasn't going to take a bribe, he could tell. And the other had already informed on him. So he said, "All right," all pleasant-like, and headed for the gate. The short walk to town would stretch his legs. He sneaked a look back as he turned onto the road. The guard was still standing there, blaster in hand, not trusting him at all. Some people had more duty crammed up their ass than was good for them.

I would read the hell out of this!