Favorite lines you've written

meowzbark

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Warning: gory, icky topic.

/ /

His fingers ran down her cheek. “My empress,” he whispered, the words swelling affection within her, before continuing, “I need this.” He took the charred arm out of her hands. Annika swallowed what remained in her mouth. When he went to leave her, she clung to him.

“Uriah...” Annika pleaded. Doubts clouded her mind. What had she done? Why? I ate her. The words sounded too absurd to be real.

Sadness weighed down his smile. “You did as I asked.”

And that made her feel worse. Dropping to her hands and knees, Annika vomited chunks of flesh and streaks of blood onto the sand. The wet vomit mingled with the dry sand and coated her fingers in a sandy paste. She brushed her hands against the fabric of her robe, which only succeeded in spreading the sand further. Her wet eyes were wiped by sand-clumped fingers. It was, perhaps, the stupidest decision of the night. Once the tiny pieces of sand became lodged in the lids of her eyes, no amount of blinking could flush them out. And yet, in between glassy-eyed blinks, where she scolded herself for being stupid, she pushed what truly troubled her out of focus – her uncontrollable desire for human flesh and blood – but when her sight cleared, the horror of what she did was still there, waiting to haunt her until her last breath.

She’d do it again. And Uriah would use this blood lust to bend her to do his bidding...again. Her hand scrapped against Uriah’s blade, half submerged in the sand, inadvertently releasing the red blood of her own body into the sand. She sucked on the injury and pulled out the blade from the sand with her uninjured hand. Annika held the blade against her own wrist and traced the blue vein down to her elbow. I deserve to die.
/ /


 
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enigmaticide

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Warning: gory, icky topic.

/ /

His fingers ran down her cheek. “My empress,” he whispered, the words swelling affection within her, before continuing, “I need this.” He took the charred arm out of her hands. Annika swallowed what remained in her mouth. When he went to leave her, she clung to his him.

“Uriah...” Annika pleaded. Doubts clouded her mind. What had she done? Why? I ate her. The words sounded too absurd to be real.

Sadness weighed down his smile. “You did as I asked.”

And that made her feel worse. Dropping to her hands and knees, Annika vomited chunks of flesh and streaks of blood onto the sand. The wet vomit mingled with the dry sand and coated her fingers in a sandy paste. She brushed her hands against the fabric of her robe, which only succeeded in dirtying her robe. Her wet eyes were wiped by sand-clumped fingers. It was, perhaps, the stupidest decision of the night. Once the tiny pieces of sand became lodged in the lids of her eyes, no amount of blinking could flush them out. And yet, in between glassy-eyed blinks, where she scolded herself for being stupid, she pushed what truly troubled her out of focus – her uncontrollable desire for human flesh and blood – but when her sight cleared, the horror of what she’d done stood was still there, waiting to haunt her until her last breath.

She’d do it again. And Uriah would use this blood lust to bend her to do his bidding...again. Her hand scrapped against Uriah’s blade, half submerged in the sand, inadvertently releasing the red blood of her own body into the sand. She sucked on the injury and pulled out the blade from the sand with her uninjured hand. I deserve to die. Annika held the blade against her own wrist and traced the blue vein down to her elbow.

/ /



Graphic and morbid, two things I enjoy reading. The best advise I can provide you is to read your work, out loud, to yourself; your ear shall catch mistakes, like unintended words, that your eyes might otherwise not.
 

Fabulous Stef

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Here is my favorite lines from my book Pride, Prejudice, and Fabulous.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Taylor opened the door and stepped outside, hearing voices again. This time her mom was talking to someone, probably on her cell phone.

“I don’t care, just put her on now!” Madison yelled. “Finally, Fannie, I need to talk to you like right now. There’s a crisis in my life.” Taking a deep breath, Madison said as she exhaled, “You know about our sessions how I have problems with my daughter? Well, it’s not her. It’s me.”

Taylor slowly walked back towards the double doors, her body entirely numb from what she was hearing coming out of her mom’s mouth.

“I keep telling Taylor she can’t and won’t be a successful fashion designer, only I know deep down, it’s not true. Her designs are wonderful, yeah they need work and not everything can look chic, but they’re so stylish. The thing is, I’ve worked so hard after coming back from caring and raising my children to stick it into the industry when they proclaimed my designs were stale and dated. I don’t know how I can possibly deal with my daughter following in my footsteps.”

“I-I-I-I mean, what if everyone likes her b-b-better than . . . me,” there was a catch in Madison’s voice as she covered her free hand over her forehead, rubbing it. “I’m so scared that’ll I’ll become irrelevant, after all its fashion. You’re here today, gone tomorrow. I just can’t risk it. But the thing is, Taylor’s actually better than me. Fannie, what do I do? Tell me I’m wonderful or something!” Madison broke down, clutching her heart with her left hand, barely unable to contain her sniffles.
 
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JTShadow56

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This is a line from the sequel to my first novel titled The Demon Inside:

"I need you to kill me Mark." Mark stared at me like i was insane. "Why would you ask me to do that?" "Because i know you will. I'm dangerous Mark. Because of my condition, i'm too dangerous to be kept alive." It's getting really hard to keep back my tears. "You are my best friend. I wont ever kill you. I can't do that to you." "What if i kill you?" "Then i'll die trying to save you." I stared into Mark's eyes as my eyes began to water. He immediately grabbed me and gave me a big warm hug. "I love you man." I said. "Mark patted my back. "We're brothers forever and i will not stop until i help you control your Demon State."
 

meowzbark

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Graphic and morbid, two things I enjoy reading. The best advise I can provide you is to read your work, out loud, to yourself; your ear shall catch mistakes, like unintended words, that your eyes might otherwise not.


Thank you. :) Still in editing process.
 

lucky toaster

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Warning: gory, icky topic.

/ /

His fingers ran down her cheek. “My empress,” he whispered, the words swelling affection within her, before continuing, “I need this.” He took the charred arm out of her hands. Annika swallowed what remained in her mouth. When he went to leave her, she clung to his him.

“Uriah...” Annika pleaded. Doubts clouded her mind. What had she done? Why? I ate her. The words sounded too absurd to be real.

Sadness weighed down his smile. “You did as I asked.”

And that made her feel worse. Dropping to her hands and knees, Annika vomited chunks of flesh and streaks of blood onto the sand. The wet vomit mingled with the dry sand and coated her fingers in a sandy paste. She brushed her hands against the fabric of her robe, which only succeeded in dirtying her robe. Her wet eyes were wiped by sand-clumped fingers. It was, perhaps, the stupidest decision of the night. Once the tiny pieces of sand became lodged in the lids of her eyes, no amount of blinking could flush them out. And yet, in between glassy-eyed blinks, where she scolded herself for being stupid, she pushed what truly troubled her out of focus – her uncontrollable desire for human flesh and blood – but when her sight cleared, the horror of what she’d done stood was still there, waiting to haunt her until her last breath.

She’d do it again. And Uriah would use this blood lust to bend her to do his bidding...again. Her hand scrapped against Uriah’s blade, half submerged in the sand, inadvertently releasing the red blood of her own body into the sand. She sucked on the injury and pulled out the blade from the sand with her uninjured hand. I deserve to die. Annika held the blade against her own wrist and traced the blue vein down to her elbow.

/ /



:Clap: The only thing I can say about this is you mention "robe" twice in once sentence and it was jarring. The rest...riveted me! Well done!
 

lucky toaster

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This is a re-worked beginning from a novel I posted a couple lines from on this thread earlier...

___

Fooling an entire nation shouldn’t be this easy.

Roar Bakke took a breath, lips parted, his tongue running along the backs of his teeth as he surrendered his access code to the shuttle, along with the comm device and the agreed upon exchange of knowledge. He glanced at his three friends standing near the wall. All around them, armed guards kept a watchful eye and one hand on their weapons. A few government officials had made the journey to the mountains, and mumbled their approval as Roar handed each one a thumb-sized drive filled with information.

Is this all it takes for a second chance on Earth? Roar bit the inside of his cheek, hiding a smirk.
 

meowzbark

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:Clap: The only thing I can say about this is you mention "robe" twice in once sentence and it was jarring. The rest...riveted me! Well done!

Thanks. I tweaked that sentence to eliminate the second 'robe'. It still needs some polishing, but I'm glad you liked. :)
 

Blinkk

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His fingers ran down her cheek. “My empress,” he whispered, the words swelling affection within her, before continuing, “I need this.” He took the charred arm out of her hands. Annika swallowed what remained in her mouth. When he went to leave her, she clung to him.

“Uriah...” Annika pleaded. Doubts clouded her mind. What had she done? Why? I ate her. The words sounded too absurd to be real.

Sadness weighed down his smile. “You did as I asked.”

And that made her feel worse. Dropping to her hands and knees, Annika vomited chunks of flesh and streaks of blood onto the sand. The wet vomit mingled with the dry sand and coated her fingers in a sandy paste. She brushed her hands against the fabric of her robe, which only succeeded in spreading the sand further. Her wet eyes were wiped by sand-clumped fingers. It was, perhaps, the stupidest decision of the night. Once the tiny pieces of sand became lodged in the lids of her eyes, no amount of blinking could flush them out. And yet, in between glassy-eyed blinks, where she scolded herself for being stupid, she pushed what truly troubled her out of focus – her uncontrollable desire for human flesh and blood – but when her sight cleared, the horror of what she’d done stood was still there, waiting to haunt her until her last breath.

She’d do it again. And Uriah would use this blood lust to bend her to do his bidding...again. Her hand scrapped against Uriah’s blade, half submerged in the sand, inadvertently releasing the red blood of her own body into the sand. She sucked on the injury and pulled out the blade from the sand with her uninjured hand. I deserve to die. Annika held the blade against her own wrist and traced the blue vein down to her elbow.

I gave you a rep point, but I thought I'd write a reply too. Wow, this is really good. I know it's gross and goes to dark places, but if I picked this up in a store and opened to this page, I'd take this novel home with me. This is awesome.

Plus, there's blinking (and that's what I'm all about. :D :D :D )
 

Viridian

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Context: male narrator. Kidnap victim. Failed escape attempt.

I said, “I’m going to break these restraints. And when I do, I’m going to tie you to a dozen cinder blocks, and then I’m going to throw you in the Pacific Ocean.”

Salem didn’t flinch. “The extra restraints are temporary. If you behave, and if you stop trying to escape.”

“Behave?” I bit the inside of my cheek. Spitting death threats made me feel better, but the calm look on his face only made me more angry. Didn’t he know what I could do to him?

Nothing. Nothing, because he had the key to my restraints. I took another deep breath. “Better?” Salem said. He eased down on the bed next to me, and I snarled, jerking. He stopped, hand hovering over me. “Your arm is bleeding,” he murmured.

“Yeah? Probably because you shot me!”
 

BethS

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Context: male narrator. Kidnap victim. Failed escape attempt.
I said, “I’m going to break these restraints. And when I do, I’m going to tie you to a dozen cinder blocks, and then I’m going to throw you in the Pacific Ocean.”

Salem didn’t flinch. “The extra restraints are temporary. If you behave, and if you stop trying to escape.”

“Behave?” I bit the inside of my cheek. Spitting death threats made me feel better, but the calm look on his face only made me more angry. Didn’t he know what I could do to him?

Nothing. Nothing, because he had the key to my restraints. I took another deep breath. “Better?” Salem said. He eased down on the bed next to me, and I snarled, jerking. He stopped, hand hovering over me. “Your arm is bleeding,” he murmured.

“Yeah? Probably because you shot me!”

Oooh, lots of tension there.
 

Blinkk

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Context: male narrator. Kidnap victim. Failed escape attempt.
I said, “I’m going to break these restraints. And when I do, I’m going to tie you to a dozen cinder blocks, and then I’m going to throw you in the Pacific Ocean.”

Salem didn’t flinch. “The extra restraints are temporary. If you behave, and if you stop trying to escape.”

“Behave?” I bit the inside of my cheek. Spitting death threats made me feel better, but the calm look on his face only made me more angry. Didn’t he know what I could do to him?

Nothing. Nothing, because he had the key to my restraints. I took another deep breath. “Better?” Salem said. He eased down on the bed next to me, and I snarled, jerking. He stopped, hand hovering over me. “Your arm is bleeding,” he murmured.

“Yeah? Probably because you shot me!”

Creepy, with the perfect tinge of humor. I like this. :D I've always had a weird attraction to kidnap plots.

This thread is getting down with the creepy stuff. I may have something of my own to add...
 

Viridian

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Go for it. Creepy stuff ahoy!

I had a scene I wanted to post (my MC is locked in a basement for three days, and he nearly dies of dehydration) but it's like 500 words. that ain't happening.
 
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Funaek

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Context: male narrator. Kidnap victim. Failed escape attempt.
I said, “I’m going to break these restraints. And when I do, I’m going to tie you to a dozen cinder blocks, and then I’m going to throw you in the Pacific Ocean.”

Salem didn’t flinch. “The extra restraints are temporary. If you behave, and if you stop trying to escape.”

“Behave?” I bit the inside of my cheek. Spitting death threats made me feel better, but the calm look on his face only made me more angry. Didn’t he know what I could do to him?

Nothing. Nothing, because he had the key to my restraints. I took another deep breath. “Better?” Salem said. He eased down on the bed next to me, and I snarled, jerking. He stopped, hand hovering over me. “Your arm is bleeding,” he murmured.

“Yeah? Probably because you shot me!”
Love the tension! And also love the context at the top haha!
 

Blinkk

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(It's dark, not really creepy. Lilith can see and speak with ghosts. Adel is a fierce assassin. These two have been paired up by the king and ordered to kill a shit ton of people. They have a strange friendship, centered around death and killing.)

--

“I want to be…” she paused, one slender finger tracing a shy circle on the back of her hand. “To be more like you. You’re very good at what you do, and I want to have a skill that’s strong like yours. You’re an expert at killing.”


It took a lot to shock Adel. Even being poisoned hadn’t come as a shock – just an inconvenient dealing. As Lilith said that, his eyebrows went up and his mouth dropped open for a moment too long.


“Lilith. You can talk to ghosts.” He let that hang in the air, and she did very little to close the awkward gap.

They stared at each other, each admiring what they didn’t have. Lilith looked him over in all his coolness. There was something horribly devilish about his deadly skills. Yet it was comforting. Killing was just another task to him, like making dinner. There was something weirdly settling in that thought. Not the killing part on its own, but his control over it.

“There are a lot of things you can do that I can’t,” Lilith said.

“And the same goes for you. Don’t turn into me. I have burdens that I wouldn’t want another to have to bear.”

“But that’s just it. You don’t know what it’s like to be able to talk to ghosts. The things I can’t share with my friends or even my brothers. That’s a burden too. It’s a horrible secret I must keep because people will laugh at me, or call me the devil’s bastard. That bears a certain weight to it too.”

“It must.” Adel gazed at the ground for a moment before looking back at her. “And I will never know what that’s like. In the same way I have learned to be strong in what I was born for, you will learn to be strong in what you were born for. It takes time, and a lot of kneeling on sharp rocks to figure it out.”

She looked at him, and suddenly the little girl was gone, replaced by a woman with burdens and secrets. This was a young woman who had endured hardships her entire life, and wasn’t going to lose those hardships anytime soon. “You know, there could be worse things.”

He slowly nodded, letting that thought saturate his imagination. “I suppose you’re right.”

They both stared into the fire for a long time, watching the fireflies drift past like slow prayers being whispered from a sinner’s lips. The light was with them for a moment, and then gone before anyone could catch it.
 
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Roxxsmom

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Context: male narrator. Kidnap victim. Failed escape attempt.
I said, “I’m going to break these restraints. And when I do, I’m going to tie you to a dozen cinder blocks, and then I’m going to throw you in the Pacific Ocean.”

Salem didn’t flinch. “The extra restraints are temporary. If you behave, and if you stop trying to escape.”

“Behave?” I bit the inside of my cheek. Spitting death threats made me feel better, but the calm look on his face only made me more angry. Didn’t he know what I could do to him?

Nothing. Nothing, because he had the key to my restraints. I took another deep breath. “Better?” Salem said. He eased down on the bed next to me, and I snarled, jerking. He stopped, hand hovering over me. “Your arm is bleeding,” he murmured.

“Yeah? Probably because you shot me!”

Nice! Love the last line.
 

Fabulous Stef

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Context: male narrator. Kidnap victim. Failed escape attempt.
I said, “I’m going to break these restraints. And when I do, I’m going to tie you to a dozen cinder blocks, and then I’m going to throw you in the Pacific Ocean.”

Salem didn’t flinch. “The extra restraints are temporary. If you behave, and if you stop trying to escape.”

“Behave?” I bit the inside of my cheek. Spitting death threats made me feel better, but the calm look on his face only made me more angry. Didn’t he know what I could do to him?

Nothing. Nothing, because he had the key to my restraints. I took another deep breath. “Better?” Salem said. He eased down on the bed next to me, and I snarled, jerking. He stopped, hand hovering over me. “Your arm is bleeding,” he murmured.

“Yeah? Probably because you shot me!”


Love it! Especially the last line.
 

Viridian

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Aw. Thanks for the kind words, all. I crack myself up, but that's mostly narcissism talking. It's nice to know other people find my writing funny.
 

Sonsofthepharaohs

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What is this thread doing halfway down the page?? tut tut. Can't have that, can we? So, time to toss my hat in the ring again.
 
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ghagler

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Ooh. Kallithrix: though I don't really know the characters, that last paragraph described her state of shock well. Had to remind myself to breathe as I read it! haha