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Thread: Favorite lines you've written

  1. #8076
    Ni. Peng. Neee-Wom. edutton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barbara R. View Post
    "Who cares who he slept with? He worshiped the ground you walk on!"

    "Only because he walked on it, too."

    From A DANGEROUS FICTION


    Quote Originally Posted by Icarus_Burned View Post
    I have stood beside your brothers on the battlefield, yet I am no soldier. I have held the hands of your loved ones as they lay in their hospital beds, yet I am no friend. I have held your children in my arms, yet I am no nurse. I Am Death, and I am tired.
    That's lovely! Very evocative. I want to know what happens next
    Write the change you want to see in the world!

    Writing exposition is like putting red pepper flakes on your pizza - the occasional burst adds depth and flavor, too much in a lump can burn the reader out.


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  2. #8077
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    Quote Originally Posted by edutton View Post



    That's lovely! Very evocative. I want to know what happens next
    from the first lines to the last, just need 45,000 words in between.

    In that moment, we danced. On the frost greyed grass watched by the silent fašade of the old hotel building; slowly we undulated, feeling nothing more than each other. In that moment, we danced. Our footsteps recorded in the bowing of a thousand frozen blades, reverie for the silent symphony that swayed and pulled her and I in rhythm. In that moment, we danced. Kept warm by memories, some genial, like an old blanket draped on the shoulders of a sleeping child, others ablaze with the fever one only feels when wrapped in the humidity of lustful embrace. In that moment, we danced. In that moment, I felt her soul begin to call.

  3. #8078
    Let's see what's on special today.. Bufty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toothpick View Post
    Ow, I appreciate the thoughts He is standing in the halls delivering some information to a certain character...and he is really surrounded by fiends..ghosts, ghouls and other foul beings hissing and screaming while hiding in the shadows. As for tore, yes, my mistake, well spotted ...and "yet in such moments" is there because he has many regrets about what he became and all the things he knows, but in those situations specifically, he feels safe and superior ^^
    Fair enough but I still think that 'yet...' phrase doesn't fit somehow. What does 'those situations' mean? 'Not to have those anymore' sounds odd. Has he already been ripped to pieces more than once? PM me if you don't wish to respond here. I don't think it's meant to be a critting thread.

    Have you considered 'Yet in this moment I feel lucky not to ...' or does that not apply?
    Last edited by Bufty; 09-18-2017 at 11:38 PM.
    Everything yields to treatment.

  4. #8079
    writer, rider, reader...ex-pat! BethS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Icarus_Burned View Post
    from the first lines to the last, just need 45,000 words in between.

    In that moment, we danced. On the frost greyed grass watched by the silent fašade of the old hotel building; slowly we undulated, feeling nothing more than each other. In that moment, we danced. Our footsteps recorded in the bowing of a thousand frozen blades, reverie for the silent symphony that swayed and pulled her and I in rhythm. In that moment, we danced. Kept warm by memories, some genial, like an old blanket draped on the shoulders of a sleeping child, others ablaze with the fever one only feels when wrapped in the humidity of lustful embrace. In that moment, we danced. In that moment, I felt her soul begin to call.
    I don't know exactly what's going on here (I mean, yes, they're dancing, but I don't have the emotional context), but I like the writing. Bolded a couple of my favorite phrases.

    (This isn't a critique thread but I thought you might want to know that "her and I" should be "her and me." Or maybe just "us.")
    Last edited by BethS; 09-19-2017 at 12:12 AM.

  5. #8080
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    For context sake. He is the embodiment of death who has no choice but to "claim" the souls that call him. This is the end of having taken a holiday to try and develop some form of control fallen in love etc. May form part of a series starting the embodiment of "life" as his twin sister. So many ideas.

    Thank you for all the supportive comments and pointers so far.

  6. #8081
    practical experience, FTW Simpson17866's Avatar
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    Amy: "Serial murder keeps the nightmares away"

  7. #8082
    figuring it all out HaHs's Avatar
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    "And so the devil gets away with murder and nobody finds out where we buried the doll."

    From my first full-length play, inspired by Carol Ann Duffy's 'The Devil's Wife'. The line is metaphorical......... though it would certainly be interesting if it was literal!

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