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Thread: Favorite lines you've written

  1. #7976
    Huh. kkbe's Avatar
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    Just popped to read through some of these excerpts and once again, I find myself thinking, These guys are so effing good. <3
    From EFFIN' ALBERT:
    “He was yelling and swearing, Mike. Your brother didn’t need to hear that.”
    “I know but it ain’t like he never heard Asshole swear before.”
    She says, “Don’t call him that. Anyway, you don’t know what happened.”
    “Yes I do. He hit a car and that guy got killed.”
    “That’s not what I mean,” she says.
    “What do you mean then?”
    She looks at me like she’s searching for something then she says, “He ran that stop sign but only because your brother said—” Her face gets twisty like she’s trying but she can’t control it and when she talks again it comes from way down deep.

    /kk's blog will return/

  2. #7977
    practical experience, FTW Twick's Avatar
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    This is from my first book, but I recently retooled it and I think it works better now:

    ***

    "Like you, I have my freedom.”

    “Freedom to do what?”

    Again he pauses. “To do what’s best for the country. Not the king.”

    “Isn’t that the same thing?” Another strange thought. The king and the country are one, aren’t they?

    He sighs. “Not always. Not with some kings.” He sees my puzzlement and quickly adds, “I’m not speaking of your father. He’s been good for Haeasenlun and I’m happy to obey him. But there have been kings in our history... Let’s just say, I’d have been glad to have a choice.”

    “Really? Who?” According to Master Alebeate, Wulfsethen and I are descendants of a long and boring line of Wolfwinds, all of them paragons of wisdom and virtue. Master Alebeate wouldn’t lie to us about that.

    Would he?

  3. #7978
    practical experience, FTW Simpson17866's Avatar
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    Amy: The problem with using katanas against hordes of zombies is that katanas are swords, and humans are designed to be killed by swords. Zombies are not.

  4. #7979
    Slightly nervous. Ragtime's Avatar
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    Here's one from an abandoned spec fic I'm thinking about picking up again.


    Lyla grabbed his arm and dragged him out into the middle of the street. She said, “Balais!” and the stones became broomsticks.

    “What? We’re going to fly?”

    “No, we’re going to clean up the street a little bit. Yes, we’re going to fly.”

    “Why? Can’t you just teleport us? Where are we going, anyway?”

    “What, you’re scared? More people have died from teleporting than flying, you know..."
    Last edited by Ragtime; 06-20-2017 at 08:52 PM. Reason: Removed the comma between are and we. Herp derp.

  5. #7980
    Business Lumberjack
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    I love reading everyone else's bits, so I thought I would add my own:

    --

    “Fools who wander into sandstorms are certainly strange,” Jotin said. “He was adamant after seeing you in the storm.”

    “And you understand him?” Yudai interjected, from behind Tatsu’s bad side.

    Jotin did smile then, and his teeth were blindingly white against his skin. “I do not use magic, if that is what you are asking. He uses bird sounds, like normal. He simply won’t land until we investigate.”

    He turned and continued forward, and Tatsu heard Yudai huff next to him.

    “I wasn’t asking about magic,” the other man grumbled. “Obviously the hawk uses bird sounds.”
    Author website & blog
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    Ibuki (F/F fantasy novella) [coming from NineStar Press in Feb. 2018!]
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  6. #7981
    figuring it all out airandarkness's Avatar
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    Some that I wrote today!

    - - - - - - - - -

    “Maybe if he thinks you’re dead, he’ll leave Portland entirely. But the idea is just to get him off the house. He’ll feel your electrical surge from over here, and then, that’s it. No more trail.”

    “Because I’ll be dead,” Jin said again.

    “Yes.”

    “So, the thing is…” Jin paused. “I kind of need to not be dead. You know?”

    “Oh, that’s what Mateo is for.” Danica paused too. “You know what he is?”

    “Esther said he was your bodyguard. Or used to be, or whatever.”

    “Right. So you know what he is?

    “Yeah. I do.”

    “You know what he can do?”

    Jin considered this. “Not entirely. I mean, I know a lot of stories, but I’m not sure how accurate they are.”

    “Probably pretty accurate. Here, park here.”

    - - - - - - -- - - - - -

    Needless to say, Mateo can bring people back from the dead :P

  7. #7982
    figuring it all out
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    From my completed YA Superhero novel:

    As I balanced on the railing enjoying the view, I could feel the laws of physics silently judging me.

  8. #7983
    Sick and pale with grief. StoryofWoe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tabitha Rose View Post
    From my completed YA Superhero novel:

    As I balanced on the railing enjoying the view, I could feel the laws of physics silently judging me.
    Ha! I like this.

    From an erotic short story I'm writing for a specific anthology call:

    “No harm done, silly Rabbit." Buck smiles. "What I can tell you is that the Fox brothers always hunt together, and they love to play with their food.”
    Website (Probably NSFW, depending on how your place of work feels about girl butts and boy nipples. Now with free erotic stories.)
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    “There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don't work.” ― Anaïs Nin, Henry And June

  9. #7984
    practical experience, FTW Twick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tabitha Rose View Post
    From my completed YA Superhero novel:

    As I balanced on the railing enjoying the view, I could feel the laws of physics silently judging me.
    Love it!

  10. #7985
    figuring it all out
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    Quote Originally Posted by StoryofWoe View Post
    Ha! I like this.

    From an erotic short story I'm writing for a specific anthology call:

    “No harm done, silly Rabbit." Buck smiles. "What I can tell you is that the Fox brothers always hunt together, and they love to play with their food.”
    Quote Originally Posted by Twick View Post
    Love it!
    Thanks!

  11. #7986
    Have pen, will travel Cindyt's Avatar
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    An old man in a blue habit sprinkled with rhinestones threw an apple into Kingston St. Emma was aghast. Here I am near faint on aromas of roasted meats and fried dough fritters, and a deep-pocket fool tosses a red goodness away. She darted out of the lines and snatched it up. A small bite was missing. Shame on that lordy lord! She bit around the white flesh—started to spit it out, but ate it anyway. She couldn’t afford persnickety ways. At least his spit tasted better than the tobacco juice on the carrot she’d found last week. All too soon the unexpected treat was gone, core, seeds, and stem.
    Last edited by Cindyt; 06-27-2017 at 04:01 AM.
    The only thing you can't fix is a blank page.--Bonnie Hearn Hill

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  12. #7987
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    "Hail to the Watchtowers, by the power of earth and the creation of life, I go into this of my own free will, with a pure heart and pure thoughts, I choose to be the Guardian of the Watchtower of North, I invoke the power of the earth and the goddess herself to give me strength and knowledge to do what is good and right................ to protect the world."

    As the last words escaped Ivy's delicate lips the world gave way under Ivy's feet, but she did not fall, she was standing on thin air, floating towards the moonlight. Ivy was scared, wide-eyed and still as a board, looking like a deer in headlights. The closer she got to the moonlight the more she could feel her skin tingle. She had only seconds to look around to find her mom smiling her encouragement that gave Ivy the push she needed as the moonlight caressed her and the world burst to life the energy grew so much in her heart that she felt the moment it burst through her skin, it tore a scream from her throat. It was like a solar flare of green fire arching from her heart to the Goddess herself. The vines from the ivy outside filled with life, shaking the chill of winter from their leaves. They flooded the room going around the people to get to Ivy. Reaching for her, wrapping small thin vines around her, she began to glow her skin was as if someone put the moon under it and it was shining through. Soft at first then so bright it was blinding and soon engulf the entire room. The light was pouring out from her heart, her open mouth, eyes and the palms of her hands. She was complete. "

    Guardians Of The Watchtower: North

  13. #7988
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin skyhawk0's Avatar
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    From a poem which always gets great response at readings, but which I'm sure will get repurposed into fiction: "The problem with love at first sight is the second thoughts."

  14. #7989
    Huh. kkbe's Avatar
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    Oh you guys are good! And I especially, especially love this:
    Quote Originally Posted by Tabitha Rose View Post
    From my completed YA Superhero novel:

    As I balanced on the railing enjoying the view, I could feel the laws of physics silently judging me.
    Here's something from my WIP:

    I was flat on back, Hank and Frank Frye sitting on my legs, another one sitting on my stomach, another one pinning my arms down. Sammy stood with his feet planted on the ground on both sides of my head. He was holding a stick, looking down at me.
    I laid there breathing hard, watching his upside-down mouth say, “Well, Stick Boy. You ready?”
    I shut my eyes.
    “All right, turds,” I heard him say. “Turn him over.”
    That’s when I went crazy, screaming and bucking and twisting hard as I could, kicking one of the Frye twins right in the nuts, grabbing the hair of another one, pulling and ripping some out, twisting and screaming and kicking but finally they got me on my stomach, holding me down.
    “You fucker,” Sammy said. Those guys were holding me and Sammy jerked my pants down and my body went stiff like a statue.
    That’s when I stopped breathing.
    I don’t remember what happened next. They must’ve seen I wasn’t breathing. Maybe they got scared and let me go. All I know is, I woke up by myself, flat on the ground on my belly. I got up on my hands and knees and puked up my lunch, then I stood up and pulled my pants up and then I went home. I never told Mom what happened, never told anybody until just now. That’s how school was for me all the time. Not what you’d call fun.
    One good thing: Sammy and his buddies never tried that again. But they must’ve told everybody at school because kids started calling me Stick Boy and the name stuck and now everybody calls me Stick Boy. Guess what, stupid idiot kids? Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
    Almost never.
    From EFFIN' ALBERT:
    “He was yelling and swearing, Mike. Your brother didn’t need to hear that.”
    “I know but it ain’t like he never heard Asshole swear before.”
    She says, “Don’t call him that. Anyway, you don’t know what happened.”
    “Yes I do. He hit a car and that guy got killed.”
    “That’s not what I mean,” she says.
    “What do you mean then?”
    She looks at me like she’s searching for something then she says, “He ran that stop sign but only because your brother said—” Her face gets twisty like she’s trying but she can’t control it and when she talks again it comes from way down deep.

    /kk's blog will return/

  15. #7990
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    I'll play!

    This is from a note left by the MC's (a vigilante) deceased brother (also was a vigilante). (Obviously he left him the note before he died. You know, for clarification.)

    "Remember, no matter how it's going to happen, it's my destiny to die for this city. It's your destiny to save it."
    Last edited by TAHumphries; 06-28-2017 at 12:08 AM.

  16. #7991
    Evil and sparkly tiddlywinks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skyhawk0 View Post
    From a poem which always gets great response at readings, but which I'm sure will get repurposed into fiction: "The problem with love at first sight is the second thoughts."
    Nice!
    Loves to tell stories. Finds editing a necessary evil. No longer fueled by coffee (again).
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    Red Riding Hood retelling - Chapter One (revising)
    Pirate fantasy, Book 1 - Updated Chapter 1 (drafting)
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    Bloggity blog |
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  17. #7992
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Tod Moran's Avatar
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    “How comforting to be told by a thief he doesn’t intend to steal, and I see you are getting better at it. So, about that explanation. You are?”

    A friend to you.

    “Called?”

    Must I have a name? What a bother. How about . . . Lisa? You creatures are familiar with it. You called that poorly constructed machine on your ship LISA. Yes, Lisa will do nicely.

    Tod Moran
    (retired) On Deer Springs Lake, Clay County, FL

  18. #7993
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin PickleHeartsBooks's Avatar
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    "Nothing was expected of me except to dance. So dance I did."

    "That wasn’t the case, and everyone knew it, but the humans in the castle were dreamers. Sometimes even just being around the <magic people I don't have a name for yet> made them feel like they had some magic inside them, and even though that really wasn’t enough, sometimes, sometimes it was."

  19. #7994
    never mind the shorty angeliz2k's Avatar
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    Haven't shared here in a while. Here's a little snippet. I usually end up liking my own dialogue better than my own exposition.


    Graham was leaning against his Audi, smoking a cigarette and using a big, square finger to flick at his phone, apparently scrolling through a list of some kind. When he noticed them, he looked up and scowled, and there was a faint, rumbling growl from deep in his throat.
    “That’s how he greets people he likes,” Ioan whispered to her.
    “Really? How does he greet the people he doesn’t like?”
    ...
    “I’ve chartered a flight,” Graham said gruffly. “For this evening. Out of Pittsburgh.”
    Ioan had very good posture, but his spine straightened a little further at this. “A flight? Where to?”
    “Alaska,” said Graham.
    “Well,” said Ioan, after a long pause. “I’ve had worse."
    Back in the query trenches.

    "Cotton. Cotton until Kingdom Come."

    WIP 1: Britannia c.AD 60. Trunked.
    WIP 2: Paris 1780s.
    WIP 3: Channing. Antebellum South, 1854
    WIP 4: Novella. Civil War.
    WIP 5: The Cotton Wars, 1820s
    WIP 6: Mish-mash. 1915+2015
    WIP 7: Civil War civilians

    My Blog: "...And Full as Much Heart"

  20. #7995
    Gamer, Writer, Worker Waves's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoirSuede View Post
    There are no monsters here, only men.
    +1 good sir.

    I can think of that being used in so many different contexts: a story opening like yours, a retort to a villain or from one, a self-depreciating thought, someone trying to cheer someone up who made a horrific mistake, someone looking over the remains of a battlefield and thinking it, all that and more.

    As for my attempt at sharing, I limited myself to picking a part that drew my attention out of the first three chapters out of my book (And by book, I mean dusty word file in a folder on my desktop):
    --------
    Reqwal glanced back. “You alright?”
    Silver’s eyes twitched as she replied scornfully, “Are you stupid? Why even ask that?”
    Reqwal raised an eyebrow and mocked, “I wasn’t aware that being concerned for someone was a stupid notion. I’ll be sure to remember that from now on.”
    Silver glared at her. “Who are you exactly?”
    Reqwal faced forward before answering, “Reqwal Lavaley, headmistress of the Boarding School for Circumstantially Troubled Students, BISCTS for short.”
    Silver opened her mouth to say something in anger before closing it, narrowing her eyes with frustration, and muttering, “My apologies headmistress.”
    -----
    If I had to pick only one line, it would be the mocking third line.

  21. #7996
    Think hard, often Deepthought's Avatar
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    I had a dream where a preacher preached: A snail is burdened by the weight he bears, that's why he moves slowly.

    A few others: Parking here's so bad, it almost makes you wish you were disabled.
    I ate so much today, I feel sorry for the toilet.
    The best kind of help is the kind you don't need.
    Children disgust me, because they reflect their environment.
    Last edited by Deepthought; 07-02-2017 at 09:50 AM.

  22. #7997
    figuring it all out xanaphia's Avatar
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    From some Star Wars Fanfiction

    She wore her padawan robes, and the insecurities of a seventeen-year-old girl.

  23. #7998
    Oops I just swallowed a feather SwallowFeather's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by airandarkness View Post
    “Probably pretty accurate. Here, park here.”
    Boy, this last line really makes the dialogue. The casualness is perfect.

  24. #7999
    Have pen, will travel Cindyt's Avatar
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    Slave patroller: “That your darky?”
    JD “Naw, I’m his Lighty.”
    The only thing you can't fix is a blank page.--Bonnie Hearn Hill

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  25. #8000
    practical experience, FTW
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    Now I know where to go when I write something cool.

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