Thanks BethS and Corsairs! That was the first scene I wrote when I started the novel. Of course, the first
Favorite lines you've written
- Thread starter Charlie Horse
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Thanks BethS and Corsairs! That was the first scene I wrote when I started the novel. Of course, the first
Those are all beautiful, PandaMan. The strength of poetry in the precision of prose.
Hey, I like that line. It's going into my favorite quotation Word doc. Thanks Twick.
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I love the first 4 especially... so dark, yet humorous, especially the cockroaches and the lizards...
This scene got to me a bit.
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Cojl’s chest became tighter and tighter. And his feet felt like heavy stones he lifted with his legs. Ahmur, he could not do this anymore. He dreaded to see what they had done to his Deria. To find out if she was alive or dead. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he wiped them away. For months, he could not seem to stop wiping them away, and his nails had cut all over his face.
He stopped and leaned on his knees, panting. He closed his eyes, letting his tears run and drop to the earth.
“Cojl,” said Satri, gently. “Cojl, we have to keep moving.”
Cojl shook his head, every breath stretching his throat and chest. “I cannot, I cannot. I am too scared.”
“A Muta fears nothing, Cojl.”
“It is a lie. A Muta fears the most. That is why they do not tie themselves down to anything or anyone. They fear to lose, and now, for the first time in my life, I understand them.
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Cojl’s chest became tighter and tighter. And his feet felt like heavy stones he lifted with his legs. Ahmur, he could not do this anymore. He dreaded to see what they had done to his Deria. To find out if she was alive or dead. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he wiped them away. For months, he could not seem to stop wiping them away, and his nails had cut all over his face.
He stopped and leaned on his knees, panting. He closed his eyes, letting his tears run and drop to the earth.
“Cojl,” said Satri, gently. “Cojl, we have to keep moving.”
Cojl shook his head, every breath stretching his throat and chest. “I cannot, I cannot. I am too scared.”
“A Muta fears nothing, Cojl.”
“It is a lie. A Muta fears the most. That is why they do not tie themselves down to anything or anyone. They fear to lose, and now, for the first time in my life, I understand them.
I'm intrigued by the names of your characters. Where did you come up with those?
Thanks Ravioli! There's lots of creepy crawling critters around Florida to draw inspiration from.
I came down with a cold and haven't been able to write for a week, but looking back I found a nice-ish couple of lines.
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And the barrier, that immaterial wall, was winning. The storm heaved against it, throwing all out all the jagged energy it had, but each crash fed into the great stillness. The barrier was eating the storm, consuming the terrible power, and in its wake, all the lights were reigniting, lights I never knew existed bursting forth from the darkness in great white flames.
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I was quite taken by your opening scene Pandaman. Opening scenes are HARD! So good on you for starting with a bang. I would definitely keep reading.
Lillith1991, I liked it. Humorous, yet slightly dark. One of my favorite combinations.
Lillith1991, I liked it. Humorous, yet slightly dark. One of my favorite combinations.
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Thanks!
I made them up! And it took forever before I decided. I'm very picky and dislike naming because it's so hard to get the right feeling. Satri, I figured out almost immediately. Cojl, on the other hand, went through about five name changes. He started out as Johl. All I know is that I didn't want the names to sound western. So there's some middle eastern influence there. Although Cojl sounds more Latin American to me. Deria is a Persian name and Ahmur is Arabic and can mean will or fate or command.
I'm not sure if this is actually good, or it just gets me because I'm so invested in the characters... but it's definitely one of my favorite passages, whether or not it's actually my best. Quick setup - narrator is 16. Liz is her lifelong BFF, from whom she is currently estranged. This moment comes as she's watching her Dad and two young siblings, sitting with Dad's future second wife (Mom died 2 years prior).
I really understood then, for the first time, that one day I would be moving out and moving on… and when I did, the life of the family in our home – my home – would continue on without me. And hard on the heels of that realization came a memory of Liz and me sitting just like that with Mom and Dad when we were about seven, eating overcooked fries like they were fine cuisine and laughing over absolutely nothing. I could feel the echo of that laughter in my chest, but it somehow came out as tears. I stood in the middle of the food court, laughing and crying and suddenly, desperately missing my friend, as if she had flown to Mars or something and was never coming back to me again.
I really understood then, for the first time, that one day I would be moving out and moving on… and when I did, the life of the family in our home – my home – would continue on without me. And hard on the heels of that realization came a memory of Liz and me sitting just like that with Mom and Dad when we were about seven, eating overcooked fries like they were fine cuisine and laughing over absolutely nothing. I could feel the echo of that laughter in my chest, but it somehow came out as tears. I stood in the middle of the food court, laughing and crying and suddenly, desperately missing my friend, as if she had flown to Mars or something and was never coming back to me again.
From my current WIP. Romantic fantasy, but I throw in comedy where I can
LOL. I like it.
No, I can see that... funny as hell though. "You know where you are with metal and wanking and cornflakes" is going to stick with me for a while, I think.
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Aaawwww. Okay, maybe I've had a bit too much champagne today, but I was really touched by that. If it's all that good, it's a sure winner.
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I want to say that I saw this before, but I was disoriented at the time (first day back after being gone for years)and didn't get to say how impressed I was. I couldn't pick a favorite, either. You certainly have a talent for this. Bravo.
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Thanks ohheyyrach77! Yes, openings are hard. I have over two dozen of them in my WIP, and that's why I often hang out on the First Three Sentences Thread. That thread has been enormously helpful to me.
Hey, bamboo wine cures anything and everything. BTW, what are you celebrating?
Thanks southernwriter!
Mrs. Panda and I are going hiking in the Everglades this weekend. I'll have to prepare for those kamikaze mosquitoes. Man-oh-man they're so viscous down there, they're like flying crocodiles!
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PandaMan, we were just there, not two weeks ago!!! I think you'll be okay, those mosquitos are full now, with our compliments...
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Her eyes narrowed. One hand resting on his shoulder while the other reached down grabbing his crotch. Tilting her head she moved in closer, lips brushing against his ear.
"Your balls are still there. So, why are you suddenly acting like a little bitch?"
"Your balls are still there. So, why are you suddenly acting like a little bitch?"
PandaMan, we were just there, not two weeks ago!!! I think you'll be okay, those mosquitos are full now, with our compliments...
Apparently they weren't full after all. I'll just say we gave blood and did our part to further the ecological health of the Everglades.