Waxing Lyrical

Hey, share your favorite lyrics here. I'll start, in honor of one of my rare and thrilling late-night bicycle rides, through the neon streets of Chiang Mai, Thailand, with some Allman Brothers.

Midnight Rider

Well, I've got to run to keep from hidin',
And I'm bound to keep on ridin'.
And I've got one more silver dollar,
But I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no,
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

And I don't own the clothes I'm wearing,
And the road goes on forever,
And I've got one more silver dollar,
But I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

And I've gone by the point of caring,
Some old bed I'll soon be sharing,
And I've got one more silver dollar,

But I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

No, I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

No, I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

Am I the only posting here? No problemo.

Maui, Hawaiian Suppa Man

Told is the tale of the mischievous one
Who fished out all the islands and captured the sun
His deeds and tasks I will unmask,
so that you'll understand
That before there was a Clark Kent,
there was a Hawaiian Suppa Man
He fished out the Islands with a magic hook,
There would've been more but somebody looked.
In blue morning sky, the sun he entwined
To slow down his flight, so kapa could dry

Mischievous, marvelous, magical Maui,
hero of this land
The one, the only, the ultimate Hawaiian Suppa Man
Oh Maui, Maui, Maui, Hawaiian Suppa Man
Oh Maui, Maui, Maui, Hawaiian Suppa Man
The secret of fire was locked somewhere in time
So when the ahi died in the hale kuke, no way to re-ignite
So off he goes in search of those who hold the information
So that fire could be used by all the future generations
He found out the `Alae held the fire connection
But his plan of deception fell short of perfection
With no other choice he had to get mean
So he squeezed `Alae's throat until she screamed the secret.

I must be getting old. I'm posting Neil Diamond lyrics.

Solitary Man

Melinda was mine
til the time
That I found her
Holding Jim
Loving him

Then Sue came along
Loved me strong
Thats what I thought
Me and Sue
But that died too

Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
A girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

I've had it to here
Bein' where
Love's a small word
Part-time thing
Paper ring

I know it's been done
Having one
Girl who'll love me
Right or wrong
Weak or strong

Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

So in an effort to appear young and hip, too, I'm willing to bet most of you haven't heard Jonathan Coulton. It's impossible to choose a representative sample, because he's got a range most artists only dream of. So I'll just pick one that's cool because you're using a computer to read it.

Code Monkey

Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
have boring meeting with boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very diligent
but his output stink
his code not functional or elegant
what do Code Monkey think
Code Monkey think maybe manager oughta write goddamn login page himself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy just proud

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
with big warm fuzzy secret heart
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you

Code Monkey hang around at front desk
tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
bring you cup bring you ice
you say no thank you for the soda ’cause
soda make you fat
anyway you busy with the telephone
no time for chat

Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle
he sit down pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
with big warm fuzzy secret heart
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you a lot

Code Monkey have every reason
to get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
to see your soft pretty face
Much rather wake up eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job fulfilling in creative way
such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
with big warm fuzzy secret heart
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you

Henehene Kou 'Aka

Henehene kou `aka, kou le`ale`a paha
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I
Henehene kou `aka, kou le`ale`a paha
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I

Ka`a uila mâkâneki, `oni`oni kou kino
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I
Ka`a uila mâkâneki, `oni`oni kou kino
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I

I Kaka`ako mâkou, `ai ana pipi stew
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I
I Kapahulu mâkou, `ai ana lîpoa
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I

I Waikîkî mâkou, `au ana i ke kai
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I
Our eyes have met, our lips not yet
Mâlama pono kou kino, ah, for you and I

Ha`ina mai ka puana, kou le`ale`a paha
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I.
Ha`ina mai ka puana, kou le`ale`a paha
He mea ma`amau ia, for you and I
for you and I, for you and I...

Let's get redneck! It's Garth Brooks!

Friends in Low Places

Blame it all on my roots
I showed up in boots
And ruined your black tie affair
The last one to know
The last one to show
I was the last one
You thought you'd see there
And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes
When I took his glass of champagne
And I toasted you
Said, honey, we may be through
But you'll never hear me complain

'Cause I've got friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I'll be okay
I'm not big on social graces
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis
Oh, I've got friends in low places

Well, I guess I was wrong
I just don't belong
But then, I've been there before
Everything's all right
I'll just say goodnight
And I'll show myself to the door
Hey, I didn't mean
To cause a big scene
Just give me an hour and then
Well, I'll be as high
As that ivory tower
That you're livin' in

'Cause I've got friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I'll be okay
I'm not big on social graces
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis
Oh, I've got friends in low places

3rd Verse:
I guess I was wrong
I just don't belong
But then, I've been there before
And everything is all right
I'll just say goodnight
And I'll show myself to the door
I didn't mean to cause a big scene
Just wait 'til I finish this glass
Then I'll head back to the bar little lady
And you can kiss my ass

And it's TERMINATOR IV - RISE OF THE REDNECKS

Drinkin My Baby Goodbye
Charlie Daniels Band

CHORUS:
Sittin' on a barstool actin' like a darn fool
That's what I'm a-doin' today
Sittin' here drinkin', tryin' to keep from thinkin'
I'm a-boozin' my troubles away
Well now I couldn't make her stay, doggone her anyway
She can't say that I didn't try
Pour me another one, I'm finished with the other one
I'm drinkin' my baby goodbye

SPOKEN:
Everytime we disagreed
She was always askin' me
Are you a man or a mouse
Now that she's gone
She probably thinks I'm home
Just a-mopin' around the house
She probably thinks that she's the one thing
I just couldn't get along without
Well wouldn't it surprise her, I got a sympathizer
As long as these bottles hold out

CHORUS

Every time I try to sit down and talk to her
It always ends up in a fuss
I tried to reason with her right up to the time
So got on that Greyhound bus
It would be better if I could forget her
'Cause she sure forgot about me
And if it takes all night, I'm gonna do it right
I'm gonna sit here till I can't see

CHORUS

Now that I've done such a great job of pissing off half the AW world with my redneck lyrics, lemme drop back into some Jonathan Coulton. I wish you could hear his music, because it's equally diverse and brilliant.

Take Care of Me

I woke up with a headache
Slept too late and my coffee turned cold
Nobody got me my breakfast
My eyes are tired and my body feels old
And no one seems to care
I’m looking at you when I say that

Why don’t you take care of me?
Why don’t you take care of me?
Why don’t you take care of me?
When you know that I can’t take care of myself?

I think this handle is broken
No one can fix it cause no one knows how
That’s not the pen that I wanted
Come and look what you made me do now
I’m not surprised at all
I know how it goes
I get it

Why don’t you take care of me?
Why don’t you take care of me?
Why don’t you take care of me?
When you know that I can’t take care of myself?

I see you’re busy with something
Go ahead and finish I swear it’s alright
I’ll just sit here in the dark then
With no one helping me turn on the light
And by the time you’re done it’s probably too late
To help me

Why don’t you take care of me?
Why don’t you take care of me?
Why don’t you take care of me?
When you know that I can’t take care of myself?

No comment? Okay, try this Jonathan Coulton on for size.

Re: Your Brains

Heya, Tom' it’s Bob from the office down the hall
Good to see you, buddy; how’ve you been?
Thing have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now
I really wish you’d let us in
I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand
But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming

All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable; I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here; maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

I don’t want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan?
To spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
Maybe that’s OK for now but someday you’ll be out of food and guns
And then you’ll have to make the call
I’m not surprised to see you haven’t thought it through enough
You never had the head for all that bigger picture stuff
But, Tom, that’s what I do, and I plan on eating you slowly

All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable; I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here; maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

I’d like to help you, Tom, in any way I can
I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me
I’m not a monster, Tom...well, technically, I am
I guess I am

I’ve got another meeting, Tom; maybe we could wrap it up
I know we’ll get to common ground somehow
Meanwhile I’ll report back to my colleagues who were chewing on the doors
I guess we’ll table this for now
I’m glad to see you take constructive criticism well
Thank you for your time; I know we’re all busy as hell
And we’ll put this thing to bed
When I bash your head open

All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable; I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here; maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

Suspicious Minds

We're caught in a trap
I can't walk out
Because I love you too much baby

Why can't you see
What you're doing to me
When you don't believe a word I say?

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds

So, if an old friend I know
Drops by to say hello
Would I still see suspicion in your eyes?

Here we go again
Asking where I've been
You cant see these tears are real
I'm crying

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And be can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds

Oh let our love survive
Or dry the tears from your eyes
Lets don't let a good thing die

When honey, you know
I've never lied to you
Mmm yeah, yeah



{Elvis has left the building}

Take Me Home Country Roads
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Almost Heaven, West Makaha,
high-ridge mountain, crystal-clear blue water.
All my friends there hanging on the beach,
young and old among them,
feel the ocean breeze.

Country road, take me home,
to the place I belong,
West Makaha, Mount Ka'ala.
Oh, take me home, oh, country road.

I heard a voice,
in the morning calm, she calls me,
as though to remind me of my Home far away.

Driving down the road,
I feel the Spirit coming to me,
from yesterday, yesterday.

All my memories hold Heaven on high,
brown-skinned woman, clear blue island sky.
Daytime sunshine, oo-ooh so bright,
midnight moon a-glowing, stars up in the sky.

Country road, take me home,
to the place I belong,
West Makaha, Mount Ka'ala.
Take me home, take me home, country road.

I hear a voice, in the morning calm, she's calling,
as though to remind me of my Home far away.
We driving down the road, I feel the Spirits coming to me,
of yesterday, yesterday.

Almost Heaven, West Makaha,
high ridge mountain, crystal clear blue waters.
All my friends there sitting on the beach,
young and old among them,
eating fish straight from the sea.

Country road, take me home,
to the place I belong,
West Makaha, oh, Mount Ka'ala.
Take me home, oh country road.

Country road, take me home,
oh to the place I belong.
West Makaha, Mount Ka'ala,
take me home, oh country road.

Country road, oh take me home,
yes to the place, to the place, I belong,
West Makaha, Mount Ka'ala,
take me home country road.

Country road, take me home,
to the place I was born,
West Makaha, Mount Ka'ala.
Take me home, country road.......

Huuhuu. Huuu-tah.
Good to be back.
White sand, clean water.
Hô boy, the mountain...feel the makani...
whew, what a place.


{What, you were expecting John Denver?}

Herod's Song

Jesus, I am overjoyed to meet you face to face.
You've been getting quite a name all around the place.
Healing cripples, raising from the dead.
And now I understand you're God,
At least, that's what you've said.

So, you are the Christ, you're the great Jesus Christ.
Prove to me that you're divine; change my water into wine.
That's all you need do, then I'll know it's all true.
Come on, King of the Jews.

Jesus, you just won't believe the hit you've made around here.
You are all we talk about, the wonder of the year.
Oh what a pity if it's all a lie.
Still, I'm sure that you can rock the cynics if you tried.

So, you are the Christ, you're the great Jesus Christ.
Prove to me that you're no fool; walk across my swimming pool.
If you do that for me, then I'll let you go free.
Come on, King of the Jews.

I only ask what I'd ask any superstar.
What is it that you have got that puts you where you are.
I am waiting, yes I'm a captive fan.
I'm dying to be shown that you are not just any man.

So, if you are the Christ, yes the great Jesus Christ
Feed my household with this bread.
You can do it on your head.
Or has something gone wrong. Jesus, why do you take so long?
Oh come on, King of the Jews.

Hey! Aren't you scared of me Christ?
Mr. Wonderful Christ?
You're a joke. You're not the Lord.
You are nothing but a fraud.
Take him away.
He's got nothing to say!
Get out you King of the,
Get out King of the,
Oh get out you King of the Jews!
Get out of here!
Get out of here you,
Get out of my life.

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
Andrew Lloyd Webber

CHRISTINE
In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me and speaks my name
And do I dream again for now I find
The Phantom of the Opera is there
Inside my mind

PHANTOM
Sing once again with me
Our strange duet
My power over you grows stronger yet
And though you turn from me to glance behind
The Phantom of the Opera is there
Inside your mind

CHRISTINE
Those who have seen your face
Draw back in fear
I am the mask you wear

PHANTOM
It's me they hear ...

CHRISTINE/PHANTOM
Your/My spirit and your/my voice in one combined
The Phantom of the Opera is there
Inside your/my mind

He's there, the Phantom of the Opera
Beware the Phantom of the Opera

PHANTOM
In all your fantasies,
You always knew
That man and mystery

CHRISTINE
Were both in you

CHRISTINE/PHANTOM
And in this labyrinth
Where night is blind,
The Phantom of the Opera is there/here
Inside your/my mind

PHANTOM
Sing for me, my Angel

CHRISTINE
Beware the Phantom of the Opera

PHANTOM
Sing
Sing, my Angel
Sing for me

TOM CRUISE CRAZY
Jonathan Coulton

Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie
At least all his people tell him so
And while he thinks that she’s a very special lady
It’s probably not the way he’d choose to go
And a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction
Good thing that he’s not gay anymore

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy expensive shoes
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Oh no, you couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise is always getting older
He knows he’ll never be that young again
And when Tom Cruise looks back over his shoulder
He says a thousand younger leading men
He knows someday he’ll have to play
An old retarded grandpa
While someone younger plays his sexy son

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy expensive shoes
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Oh no, you couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise knows somewhere there’s a place for him
He’s not of this world anymore...

Somewhere in some secluded castle
Poor Tom Cruise sits staring at the wall
And the outside world is always such a hassle
Sometimes he won’t go out at all
There are millions who know his name
Everybody loves him
Why is it that he feels so alone?

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy expensive shoes
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Oh no, you couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise

Freebird
Lynyrd Skynyrd

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
'cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Oh... oh... oh... oh... oh...
And the bird you cannot change.
And this bird you cannot change.
Lord knows I can't change.

Bye, bye, baby it's been a sweet love.
Yea, yea
Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it so badly,
'cause the lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll can not change.
Oh... oh... oh... oh... oh...
And this bird you cannot change.
And this bird you cannot change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.
Lord I can't change,
Won't you fly high free bird yea

What song is it you wanna hear?

Cell Block Tango

Chicago The Musical Cell Block Tango Lyrics

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[ANNOUNCER]
And now the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
(4X)

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[VELMA]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
(2X)

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day,
And I am really irritated, and i'm
looking for a little bit of sympathy
and there's Bernie layin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "You pop that
gun one more time..."
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

[ANNIE (Spoken)]
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago,
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd
fix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
And then I found out,
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
was he married
...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know. So that
night, when he came home from work, I fixed him his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold
their arsenic.

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"
he says. He was crazy
and he kept on screamin',
"you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!

[ALL]
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK (Spoken in Hungarian)]
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Yeah, but did you do it?

[HUNYAK]
UH UH, not guilty!

[VELMA]
My sister, Veronica and
I had this double act
and my husband, Charlie,
used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row

One,two,three,four,five...splits, spread eagles,
back flips,flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Cicero,the three of us,boozin', havin' a few laughs and
we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming all along
[GIRLS]
They had it coming all along
[VELMA]
I didn't do it
[GIRLS]
She didn't do it
[VELMA]
But if I done it
[GIRLS]
But if she'd done it
[VELMA]
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They took a flower
[VELMA]
All along
[GIRLS]
In its prime
[VELMA]
I didn't do it
[GIRLS]
And then they used it
[VELMA]
But if I'd done it,
[GIRLS]
and they abused it
[VELMA}
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
[GIRLS]
It was a murder but not a crime
[MONA(Spoken)]
I loved Al Lipschitz
more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...
sensitive... a painter.
But he was always trying
to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself
and on the way
he found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.

[ALL]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
All along
[Group 2]
All along
[Group 1]
'Cause if they used us
[Group 2]
'Cause if they used us
[Group 1]
And they abused us
[Group 2]
And they abused us
[ALL]
How could you tell us that we were wrong?

[Group 1]
He had it coming
[Group 2]
He had it coming
[Group 1]
He had it coming
[Group 2]
He had it coming
[Group 1]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 2]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 1]
If you'd have been there
[Group 2]
If you'd have been there
[Group 1]
If you'd have seen it
[Group 2]
If you'd have seen it
[ALL]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You pop that gum one more time!
[ANNIE (spoken)]
Single my ass.
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Ten times!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.
[VELMA (Spoken)]
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.
[MONA (Spoken)]
Artistic differences.

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

Watching the Wheels
John Lennon

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I'm o.k. well they look at me kind of strange
Surely you're not happy now you no longer play the game

People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go

Ah, people asking questions lost in confusion
Well I tell them there's no problem, only solutions
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry
I'm just sitting here doing time

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go

Suicide is Painless

Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...

[REFRAIN]:
that suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...

[REFRAIN]

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.

[REFRAIN]

The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat.

[REFRAIN]

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

[REFRAIN]

A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
is it to be or not to be
and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

[REFRAIN]

'Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
...and you can do the same thing if you please.

Stan
Eminem

Chorus: Dido

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

1st Chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background
2nd Chorus: full volume with beat right after "thunder" noise

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Scam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Ruckus too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S.
We should be together too

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Slim; {*screaming*} Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
but I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out?
{*car tires squeal*} {*CRASH*}
.. {*brief silence*} .. {*LOUD splash*}

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem]
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
and here's an autograph for your brother,
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg,
c'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
and had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Damn!