How do they expect to sell any of their snacks, if they have to be labeled "Warning: Dangerously Cheesy!" so prominently? Why don't they just change the recipe a little to avoid that whole FDA mess?
What if AW members had to continue Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy...
- Thread starter Meerkat
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I keep trying to come up with deep thoughts, but all I have are mud puddles.
But I think everyone else's are hilarious. More! More!
But I think everyone else's are hilarious. More! More!
Suppose you got on a train leaving Washington DC at 2:15, and the train's average speed was 65 miles per hour. And then suppose that, when the conductor came around insisting on seeing your ticket, you just stared out the window with a serious look on your face, and said "Don't interrupt me, I'm in the middle of a math problem!"
That would be pretty clever, I think. Pretty clever indeed.
That would be pretty clever, I think. Pretty clever indeed.
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I think it’s nice when someone asks ‘if you’re all right’ when you fall but you should be able to smack them to pass the pain along.
If being in jail were criminalized, then only the criminals would be in jail.
HAH! Take that 4th District Court!!!
HAH! Take that 4th District Court!!!
They just gave us our annual "Discrimination in the Workplace" training, and at the end of the class, they asked if we had any questions. I raised my hand and asked if anyone besides me thought the secretary in the first video was NOT a natural blond.
Now I get to see those videos all over again--they must want me to gather more evidence about my theory...
Now I get to see those videos all over again--they must want me to gather more evidence about my theory...
For those of you who are parents, whenever any of your kids are scared in the middle of the night, claiming there is something or someone under their bed or in their closet, just do what I did:
First get the child a glass of water, to take their mind off the issue.
Then, tell a completely unrelated story--a fairy tale or perhaps a tale of when you were a kid their same age.
Then, tell the same story, slightly differently, so they get bored enough to start falling asleep again as you're talking.
Finally, ask if that made things better in helping them forget all about that monster under the bed.
From one parent to another.
First get the child a glass of water, to take their mind off the issue.
Then, tell a completely unrelated story--a fairy tale or perhaps a tale of when you were a kid their same age.
Then, tell the same story, slightly differently, so they get bored enough to start falling asleep again as you're talking.
Finally, ask if that made things better in helping them forget all about that monster under the bed.
From one parent to another.
When I see my son walking home from school, wet, cold, miserable and utterly dejected, I drive by smiling and waving. That way, he'll be able to tell stories about his cruel mother on talk shows, get sympathy from the audience and sell more books.
When you feed your kids carrots, serve them on hot dog buns with catsup and tell them they are crunchy hot dogs, that way when you burn the hotdogs, you can tell your kids they are chocolate carrots.
As I walked through the forest I could not help but think; "Where have all the friendly animals gone?" Then I realized that I was not in the forest. I was in jail, hungover and the animals weren't so friendly.
I was told by my stock broker that everything was going to fine and that I would soon be rich. It was then that I decided to stop dangling him from the 47th floor window of his office.
Joe270
Banned
In the middle ages they thought the world was flat. But they had all these old greek statues with Atlas with a round world on his shoulder. I bet that made them scratch their heads. That, and the lice.
When your friends says they don't eat meat because they're a vegetarian, ask if you can pull their canine teeth since they won't be needing them.
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oops
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mal suerte
driving through cimarron, kansas the other night a dark cat darted across the street, inches from my tires. my heart stopped. the last thing i need is more bad luck. a black cat killed my husband some years ago and things have been going to hell in a h-basket since. so i chased the cat down. turns out he was only dark gray w/ black stripes. at first relief flooded over me---and then i realized that THEY were out of black cats and now were sending in the grays--s6
p.s.--this is a whole lot more true than you would ever want to believe.
driving through cimarron, kansas the other night a dark cat darted across the street, inches from my tires. my heart stopped. the last thing i need is more bad luck. a black cat killed my husband some years ago and things have been going to hell in a h-basket since. so i chased the cat down. turns out he was only dark gray w/ black stripes. at first relief flooded over me---and then i realized that THEY were out of black cats and now were sending in the grays--s6
p.s.--this is a whole lot more true than you would ever want to believe.
I remembered the time when I was hiking and saw a doe and wondered why they called it a doe. Then I saw its eyes and realized the evil heart and sinister bearings towards all of humankind. Suddenly, it all made sense.
I always found it odd that people say "god bless you" when you sneeze. Last time someone said it I handed them my snot filled handkerchief and told them that god had blessed it, thanks to them.
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I often see people stopped in a left-turn lane with their left blinker on. I am glad they do this because I wasn't sure which direction they were going to turn.
I often wondered what it would be like to play water polo. But it is so hard to get a horse into the swimming pool.
Joe270
Banned
If I traveled back in time and saw myself, I think I'd punch myself in the nose. One poke for the mistakes and missed hints and clues I've reconsidered over the years.
Oh, and one more just for Darla Karlpunski. I've been kicking myself for years over that night, so why not punch myself just once back in time?
Would it rend the fabric of time, or would it just rend the seat of my pants, like on that date with Darla?
Oh, and one more just for Darla Karlpunski. I've been kicking myself for years over that night, so why not punch myself just once back in time?
Would it rend the fabric of time, or would it just rend the seat of my pants, like on that date with Darla?
My mother once said she was going to knock me into next week. I asked her to put a little more effort into it and try to get me to Saturday.
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