Why do I keep doing this?

I am dexing like a madman right now. I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to post on the board, especially since I haven't been around much lately.

I saw 1408 with my dad the other day. He had read the story; I hadn't. He said the story was much better than the film. I read it today (yesterday?). It was okay. Not brilliant, but okay. Who am I to judge?

When you are young and unsuccessful, you suffer for art's sake. When you are old and successful, art suffers for your sake.

I always know the same thing when I am on dex. The same things: there are many of them. First, life and death are very close together. Second, the human face is strange, strange, strange. Even beautiful faces have a weird unbalanced look about them.

Third, I am supposed to write. That is what the dex tells me. I am supposed to write. Writing is what I do. It laughs at me for thinking I will make it doing anything else. But -- just like with alcohol and sex -- dex inflames the desire to write but hinders the performance.

I think I've just proven that.

I'm going to see what's on TV.

Dextromethorphan. Read all about it here.

Yeah, I'm coming down now. Sorry for the attention-whoring, if that's what it was. My class starts in a few days, and thought I'd clear out my head first. That's all.

dclary said:

You probably shouldn't do drugs, dude.

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You're probably right. (Except: I'm not a dude.)

Thanks for the random infusions of sanity, everyone. Godawful Novel #1 is back on track.

lfraser said:

Aw, heck, doesn't everyone go through a phase in which they believe themselves to be an absolute writing genius when they're loaded?

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Hey, I didn't say that!

I never believed I was a genius (or, for that matter, any good at all). I can't write a coherent sentence on dex (though I managed 24 incoherent ones the other night -- which is as much as I'd written in one sitting in a month, so that's something).

There was a time I thought alcohol would make me a great writer. That time was when I was about twelve and had never drunk anything more than a spoonful of champagne on New Year's Eve. I learned better once I got to college. (My one relic of the period -- The Ballad of Wise Bertha's Water -- is still extant, if you really want to know how much I suck.)

No, all I said (albeit unclearly) was that I was meant to write, and that is quite another matter.

spork said:

If you're going to be foolish enough to do drugs, at least stick to pot and 'shrooms.

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That's tough for a girl with virtually no RL friends, and certainly none with those kinds of connections. But Debbie's always at the supermarket, and the Drug/GM boys keep plenty of dextro on the shelves.

---

Thank heaven that night's behind me, anyway. At the time, it always seems it will never end.

This night, on the other hand, is fast fading -- and I'm missing Star Trek.

Sol out.

Unique said:

There is a payoff at the end of this drama, right?

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Drama? Hell, I thought it was a comedy.