Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

Status
Not open for further replies.

euclid

Where did I put me specs?
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
1,964
Reaction score
229
Location
Paradise
Website
www.jjtoner.com
Yes, that's alliteration. Yes, you should consider changing it.

Why doesn't your thunderstorm serve a function? Every word needs to either support the theme, reveal character, or advance the plot.

If your subconscious is trying to support the theme with this storm, look to see where else that theme might trying to break through.

The theme of the book revolves around the excesses of the Nazi regime, so I suppose there's a gloomy, stormy feel to the whole thing. Not sure what you mean about the theme trying to break through... Or what I should do about it if I did locate these occurrences.

Why should I change the unintentional alliteration? What harm is it doing?
 

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle
Absolute Sage
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
25,582
Reaction score
3,785
Location
New Hampshire
Website
madhousemanor.wordpress.com
The theme of the book revolves around the excesses of the Nazi regime, so I suppose there's a gloomy, stormy feel to the whole thing. Not sure what you mean about the theme trying to break through... Or what I should do about it if I did locate these occurrences.

Sharpen, focus, and unify them.

Why should I change the unintentional alliteration? What harm is it doing?

Why should you make your prose the best and most polished that you can? Why should you remove or change clumsy bits? I dunno. You tell me.
 

lucidzfl

Back from the dead
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
2,757
Reaction score
517
James, I asked this on the Roundtable forum (Accidently, I meant it for the novels forum)

How do you approach chase/hunting/battle scenes? The only way I can visualize it is to draw it on paper, or even use figurines to determine positioning and reactions.

Is there a better way?
 

euclid

Where did I put me specs?
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
1,964
Reaction score
229
Location
Paradise
Website
www.jjtoner.com
Sharpen, focus, and unify them.

Right. Thanks. Will do.


Why should you make your prose the best and most polished that you can? Why should you remove or change clumsy bits? I dunno. You tell me.

Right. Sorry, Jim. I suppose I should have asked:

When is it a good idea to use (intentional) alliteration?
 

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle
Absolute Sage
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
25,582
Reaction score
3,785
Location
New Hampshire
Website
madhousemanor.wordpress.com
When is it a good idea to use (intentional) alliteration?

Here is an example:

During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens, I had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country; and at length found myself, as the shades of evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Usher.
You are writing a 100,000 word poem. Every word must be there for the right reason, including its sound. You might want to read "The Philosophy of Composition" by Edgar Allan Poe for more thoughts on this. It's short.

I first read that essay when I was in high school, and it influenced me deeply. Poe, himself, was a great literary innovator. You could have worse models.

Just in case you've not read The Raven, here it is.

Read it silently, then read it aloud. See how different the experience is.
 
Last edited:

Salis

You Lie!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 10, 2009
Messages
725
Reaction score
91
Good essay, but Poe was also the fellow who loved to plagiarize, so as much as I loved The Cask of Amontillado, there are better role models.
 

motormind

Banned
Flounced
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
557
Reaction score
41
Why should you make your prose the best and most polished that you can? Why should you remove or change clumsy bits? I dunno. You tell me.

Prose that's too polished tends to be a bit stale and boring. I like it when sentences wriggle like restless worms.
 
Last edited:

MondayNightFrungy

Registered
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
26
Reaction score
0
Location
United States
Hello Mr. Macdonald... I was wondering, what is a good way to learn how to make your descriptive prose more compelling and... colorful?

I have tried thesauruses and even a few books on the subject but somehow I still feel something is missing. Well, a whole lot of something, to be exact.

Anyways... what suggestions would you have?
 

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle
Absolute Sage
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
25,582
Reaction score
3,785
Location
New Hampshire
Website
madhousemanor.wordpress.com
Anyways... what suggestions would you have?


Memorize a whole bunch of Shakespeare. Recite it aloud to inanimate objects (although cattle will do if no inanimate objects present themselves), preferably out of doors, in a loud voice.

People may start avoiding you, but your prose will become much more vivid.
 

Salis

You Lie!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 10, 2009
Messages
725
Reaction score
91
What do you base that on?

He wrote a piece about a fellow who traveled to the Moon (fiction!) and lifted whole sections verbatim from encyclopedia-like books of the day. See here for exact details (and a really good book besides). To be specific about it, the example isn't "oh he stole an idea", he literally just copied entire paragraphs from another (scientific) book to lend his description of intra-planetary flight a "authentic" air. Ironically, he was known for strongly condemning other authors for alleged plagiarism. No one's perfect, I guess?

Still one of my favorite authors.
 
Last edited:

Blue Sky

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
178
Reaction score
16
Location
Tucson
Memorize a whole bunch of Shakespeare. Recite it aloud to inanimate objects (although cattle will do if no inanimate objects present themselves), preferably out of doors, in a loud voice.

People may start avoiding you, but your prose will become much more vivid.

For a break I recommend mooing at the cows. I've had some interesting responses. As long as people are avoiding you anyway.

Moo! :)
 

MondayNightFrungy

Registered
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
26
Reaction score
0
Location
United States
Memorize a whole bunch of Shakespeare. Recite it aloud to inanimate objects (although cattle will do if no inanimate objects present themselves), preferably out of doors, in a loud voice.

People may start avoiding you, but your prose will become much more vivid.
I'll wear my cell phone ear-set and tap it from time to time. That way they'll think I'm actually talking to someone else who's crazy! :D
 

mkcbunny

Bufflehead
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 26, 2005
Messages
2,344
Reaction score
361
Location
Oakland, CA
Page 32 and following in this thread. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6710&page=32

You can use Google better than the (poor, broken) search function that comes with this site. Use site:absolutewrite.com "Uncle Jim" then whatever term you're looking for.

Wow. I missed this one. Frankly, I couldn't finish the article. All the moaning and groaning both bored and irritated me. It smacks of the "entitled artist" syndrome. $40k per year? I could live on that, and I live in the Bay Area, one of the most expensive places in the country. What artist's heart hasn't been broken over something? Stop complaining. It's one thing if you are broke and frustrated, wondering if you should quit because you're digging yourself into debt, but if you are making that income? I'd be happy to be so "unhappy."
 

Calliopenjo

Esteemed thinker
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
892
Reaction score
51
Location
In a townhouse over looking the tumble weed fields
For general interest, The Ten Best Southern Novels of All Time is an interesting list. I say that because Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is listed in this article. I don't know if anybody remembers but there was controversy over letting children read this book. Why? It has the word "Nigger" in it.
 

RJK

Sheriff Bullwinkle the Poet says:
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
3,415
Reaction score
440
Location
Lewiston, NY
Question for UJ. Why is an occasional alliteration, unintentional or not, bad?
 

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle
Absolute Sage
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
25,582
Reaction score
3,785
Location
New Hampshire
Website
madhousemanor.wordpress.com
Because it draws attention to the words. If you want to draw attention to the words, that's okay. If you don't, it's not so okay.

Alliteration can also produce effects. If you want to produce the effect of silken curtains swishing, that's okay. If there isn't a silken curtain in a hundred miles, that's not so okay.

"Take care of the sounds and the sense will take care of itself."
 
Status
Not open for further replies.