Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

UJ, I didn't know what it was, but something told me I should copy it and keep it. Now, I know what it is. You're too cool!

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[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']Gur cybg: Ovyy Pbfol jnagf gb fyrrc

Gur (o) cybg: Ovyy Pbfol'f jvsr guerngraf uvz jvgu ivbyrapr.

Gur rkcrpgrq (O) pyvznk: Ovyy'f jvsr jvyy npghnyyl cresbez ivbyrapr.

Gur (N) pbapyhfvba fhofvghgrq sbe O: Ovyy trgf gb tb onpx gb fyrrc.[/FONT]

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[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']I wish I could've figured it out from your original post, but unfortunately, you had to actually spell it out for me. Thanks for that and thanks for this, too![/FONT]

Am I the only one REALLY confused now?

Thank you for the decoder ring Uncle Jim. Now I get it.

James D. Macdonald said:

Decoder Ring

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What was that all about?
I found the decoder and decoded the message, but why code it in the first place? And what...? I mean who...? Or why...?

It mentioned Usenet. I've never been there.
I know you'd never believe it, but I spent nearly 30 years working with computers!

Here's another take on Bill Cosby's routine.

N cybg: Ovyy jnagf gb fyrrc
O cybg: Ovyy’f jvsr jnagf uvz gb znxr oernxsnfg sbe gur xvqf
P cybg: Ovyy qbrfa’g xabj jung gb pbbx sbe oernxsnfg
Q cybg: Uvf lbhatrfg qnhtugre jnagf pnxr
Gur rkcrpgrq pyvznk bs Q (Ovyy’f ershfny gb tvir ure pnxr) vf ercynprq jvgu gur pyvznk bs P, jura Ovyy ernfbaf gung pnxr vf shyy bs ahgevgvbany vaterqvragf naq nterrf gb tvir ure pnxr.
R cybg: Ovyy’f bgure sbhe puvyqera nfx sbe pnxr gbb
Ntnva, Ovyy zvtug unir ershfrq, ohg ur tbrf jvgu uvf bevtvany ernfbavat naq rirelobql unf pnxr. Gur R pyvznk (ershfvat pnxr gb gur bgure sbhe) vf ercynprq ol gur P pyvznk
Ovyy’f jvsr nccrnef naq ybbxf yvxr fur zvtug rkcybqr (gur rkcrpgrq pyvznk bs cybg O) ohg fur fraqf Ovyy onpx gb orq, fhofgvghgvat gur pyvznk bs cybg N.

Don't mistake incident for plot.

James D. Macdonald said:

So, to that end:

If anyone who is reading this responds to any Google Ads for any writing-related service (such as you can see at the top of this very page), I will come to your house and mock you in person.

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So, I let myself be scammed and Jim comes to my house to mock me, where I kidnap him and force him to tutor me. If he refuses, I will feed him the turkey-like substance from a MRE and the chocolate bars from C-rats. Soon I'll be a better writer and all the agents will want me and the guys here will want to be like me.

Sounds like a fair deal... How does this work? Do I send you a receipt for the scamming? Or is there some UJ magical telepathy that lets you know? Is there better training for the bigger, more expensive scams?

allenparker said:

So, I let myself be scammed and Jim comes to my house to mock me, where I kidnap him and force him to tutor me. If he refuses, I will feed him the turkey-like substance from a MRE and the chocolate bars from C-rats. Soon I'll be a better writer and all the agents will want me and the guys here will want to be like me.

Sounds like a fair deal... How does this work? Do I send you a receipt for the scamming? Or is there some UJ magical telepathy that lets you know? Is there better training for the bigger, more expensive scams?

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This will be a perfect, real-life example of UJ's climax substitution!

Plot A: writer plans and executes kidnapping of UJ.

Plot B: writer is able to learn all of UJ's secrets and just as the climax of signing a mult-book deal with a huge advance is about to happen...

Climax of Plot A is substituted: the police come knocking on the door and drag writer off to jail, where he has plenty of time to write, but can't make a dime off of any of it!

Truth be told, I thought of the same thing myself when I read UJ's post about the scams! I guess we'll just have to learn it the old fashioned way:

vox said:

I guess we'll just have to learn it the old fashioned way:

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Yes, with hours and hours of writing, learning, writing some more, learning some more, writing some... okay, you get the picture. Well, I get the picture.

There's a lovely line in the movie Cross of Iron.

"I can not give you a Cross of Iron, but I can take you where they grow."

In the same way:

I can not give you a publishing contract, but I can take you where they grow.

I read the first few thread pages, and I was beside myself with the chess metaphor.
I've been writing as a hobby since late 2007, and up till now, it’s been instinctual storytelling. I'm now trying my best to take this site in, in its entirety, and so far I've learned a lot about my own mistakes, and the weaknesses of my writing. I wish I could read faster because this site has month’s worth of good information to be absorbed.
I play chess to put my pieces in positions to deny my opponents board position. I position my pieces to take advantage of mistakes. People that aren’t studied up and "skilled" at chess hate playing against me; my wife won't play with me anymore lol. I called her and told her to order the book for me, and when I get to LA in a few months it is on the top of my "must read" list.
I can't express how excited I am to continue my learning (now that I've discovered this website as a honest and true resource) and absorbing of the mechanics of what I'm choosing for my profession.
Thanks

Marcus, So you're saying you don't play to win, but to obtain a stalemate, or at least to prevent your opponent from winning?

I'm not entirely certain that a stalemate is an option in writing if you want to eventually be published. Writing is a game with few winners and lot of people playing/competing against one another. You have to play to win.

Just one person's opinion, worth what you paid for it.

I don't know that he meant he doesn't play to win, but that he utilizes every tactical advantage at his disposal.

Now, in my opinion, that is a key in writing.

FOTSGreg said:

Marcus, So you're saying you don't play to win, but to obtain a stalemate, or at least to prevent your opponent from winning?

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FOTSGreg said:

Just one person's opinion, worth what you paid for it.

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My style of chess is one that will give me a win on people that make mistakes. I'm a "swooper", I can identify mistakes and be in a position to take advantage of it. If you understand action and reaction, I have a reactive style, I can't gain an advantage until someone makes a mistake with me not makeing one myself. This is usually sufficient to win on "regular" people.
If I play someone that knows enough about the game to NOT make "mistakes", i loose in a crushing heart wrenching defeat that can only be described as epic. It’s a brutal simple strategy, and in NO way can be considered a "master" strategy. I'm going to invest the time to study the book on chess recommended, and I'm smart enough to be able to read it as a learning tool for my own writing.
The reason I talked about my chess play is because I can already see parallels with my writing, the metaphor was Very accurate for me IMHO.

Chess isn't my thing. I'll stick to poker.

It probably suits my writing better. The characters always surprise me, like an unexpected pair of aces. And the stakes build and build as it gets closer to the final hand

(The chess-writing link probably makes more sense But each to his own.)

There's a lovely line in the movie Cross of Iron.

"I can not give you a Cross of Iron, but I can take you where they grow."

In the same way:

I can not give you a publishing contract, but I can take you where they grow.

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One of my favorite lines. The book of the same name by Willi Heinrich is imho a fine study of portraying the hopeless, exhausted, doomed feeling of fighting a lost war. The movie sugar-coated things a bit. The book's original title was The Willing Flesh. (Did you read it in German, Jim?) Another great book for studying such portrayal is The Forgotten Soldier by Guy Sayer. Essentially, a German soldier walks home from Russia during World War II, fighting continually.

So, Jim, once one lands the proverbial book contract, does the Roman galley captain's line in Ben Hur apply?

"You are all condemned men. We keep you alive to serve this ship. So row well and live."

Marcus, I understand and I truly meant no offense by my comment. I've played against opponents like you before and I'd guess my win:loss ratio was about 50:50 depending on whether or not I was really paying attention.

I would think that using every tactical advantage, as smsarber points out, would be a good way to write and play chess, but using those tactical advantages usually requires an aggressive and forward-looking style and manner of play in my opinion. I hesitate to allow my opponent in a chess game or a wargame (which chess can be likened to) to gain the tactical advantage of the initiative. A "reactive" game does just that. That's very much against Tsun Szu's advice and very much against the laws of military history. However, overly aggressive players can and will fall into traps of the type that Marcus is speaking of. That's fairly typical of players in "bar" chess.

Be that as it may, having a reactive attiitude owards one's writing style doesn;t seem to me to be a very good option either. Writing is an active activity and requires an active push to propel it forward in my opinion, both in the writing and in the initiative of the writer to get out there and query, submit, publish, and market.

I'm not trying to offend here, it's just my opinion.

hey bud, it’s All good! No offence taken, no offence given I hope. My first post stated I was beside myself, because I understand how I play chess, and I look back at my writing and see that there are major parallels. I'm gunna study the book for the value it will give me. I'm here for a learning experience. I agree with your point and that’s why I stated it’s on the top of my "must read" list. Plus I'll get to upgrade my chess game!
Believe me, I have fairly thick skin, I have to have that because I straight shoot people all the time that get offended that my words don't pull punches. Unless someone is outright looking to offend, I can take it. I'm not a forum nooby, just new to this forum

Wow, your first post is in Uncle Jim's thread. Welcome!

I'm new here myself. If you haven't, I strongly recommend reading the entire thread, perhaps taking some notes along the way. This is the single best resource to writing commercial fiction that I've found.

Uncle Jim, can you explain the proper use of semicolons to me? Thanks.

I second that question, and could you comment on the use of semicolons in dialogue. I was told by a beta reader that it's not done. Is this true?

brainstorm77 said:

Uncle Jim, can you explain the proper use of semicolons to me? Thanks.

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http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/04/

euclid said:

I second that question, and could you comment on the use of semicolons in dialogue. I was told by a beta reader that it's not done. Is this true?

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No, it is not true.

James D. Macdonald said:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/04/

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Thanks for the link.