Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

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wurdwise

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She dropped her gaze. Red with anger, filled with shame, she realized she still had on her dirty old clothes.

I think that sounds better. Hope you don't mind. I couldn't resist.
 

James D. Macdonald

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Stronger than love, stronger than hate, stronger than self-preservation, is the desire to mess with someone else's prose.

I'm always careful of doing things with gazes and glances.

Try this:

She looked down, ashamed, as she realized she was still wearing her dirty old clothes.


That does depend on your style, the rhythm of the scene, the character being described. Let everything support the effect.
 

Ken Schneider

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She looked down. Her face flushed with the heat of anger. The dirty clothes she wore shamed her.

She brushed her hands hands down the front of the dirty shirt. She was ashamed,and angry at herself for allowing him to see her this way.

The dirty shirt screamed at her. She was embarassed, shamed, and angry about her appearence.

Ken.
I'm with my uncle on this one.

Work it out, you'll come up with several ways to say it.
You know the lines before the passage and after. If it is that important to you, you'll find the right way to say it.
 

Mr Underhill

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Roger J Carlson said:
It's hard to explain but sometimes I can almost hear what a passage is supposed to sound like. Not the words, but the rhythm, the pattern. But when I try to put words into it, it comes out dull and prosaic.

... I've come to realize that if I can't start doing it for myself, I'm not really a writer.
I've heard sculptors say that the secret of their art is starting with a block of stone and carefully chipping away all the bits which don't belong.
 

E.G. Gammon

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Jim,

I'm putting myself on a strict writing schedule and wanted to know the average word count per day to shoot for.
 

Nangleator

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In re: the technique of spreading out science fiction info dump over the course of the story, we should coin a new term.

Infotrickle?
Backgrounding?
Infohints?
Worlding?
 

Roger J Carlson

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Mr Underhill said:
I've heard sculptors say that the secret of their art is starting with a block of stone and carefully chipping away all the bits which don't belong.
That's a good analogy and very encouraging. I guess I've been influenced by Heinlein too much. He said, "Never revise except by editorial direction." That's probably good advice if you can produce publishable copy in your first draft. I can't.

Maybe I should think of myself as a clay sculptor. Take a little off here, stick it there, smooth it over -- until I've got something that looks like a novel.
 

wurdwise

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I'm just a novice, but I think, even though you do need certain basic guidelines, you can't write a novel with your head, it has to come from your heart, your passion. I don't think it can be viewed so analytically, or technically, maybe that's a better word.
 

James D. Macdonald

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Roger J Carlson said:
I guess I've been influenced by Heinlein too much. He said, "Never revise except by editorial direction." That's probably good advice if you can produce publishable copy in your first draft. I can't.

He didn't mean what you think he meant. Heinlein himself wrote multiple drafts and revised his work until it was a finished piece.

After you send it out, though -- if it comes back with a rejection slip, that doesn't mean "rewrite!" that means "send it right back out!"

After you've gotten the piece to where you want it and you've started the submission process, don't revise unless an editor offers you a contract first. Meanwhile, work on your next book.
 
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black winged fighter

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Thanks for all the ideas - I'll definitely try plugging a few new variations.

And can someone tell me why some reputations are visible, and some aren't? Did I miss something?
 

reph

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All reputations are supposed to be invisible now. If you still see some, your browser has stored them, or something like that. The discussion you missed is in Water Cooler Changes and Announcements.
 

pianoman5

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"Never revise except by editorial direction." - Heinlein

James D. Macdonald said:
He didn't mean what you think he meant. Heinlein himself wrote multiple drafts and revised his work until it was a finished piece.

Thanks for that clarification, Jim. I suspect that many writers take his graven statement too literally, under the impression that others will later revise and edit their work to (comparative) perfection, rather than figuring out how to do it themselves before submitting widely.
 

E.G. Gammon

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James D. Macdonald said:
I prefer time to words -- but if you can do five pages (1,250 words) per day, no one will say you're slacking.

Thanks, Jim. And since you said that you prefer time to words, what would be the goal TIME each day for writing?
 

Euan H.

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I find I work better with a word-count goal rather than time. Usually I go for about 1,000 (which takes me anywhere from one hour to three hours, depending). During Nano last year, I managed 2,000 and up for November and December. Wasnae that hard after the first week or so...but it did take a big chunk out of the day.

And to backtrack for a moment, when I see "She dropped her gaze", my instinctive reaction is to follow it with something like this:

She dropped her gaze. It landed on her foot and shattered into a thousand pieces.

Still, it's better than "she rolled her eyes at him", which just sounds disgusting. What did he do? Roll 'em back?
 

Zane Curtis

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Euan H. said:
Still, it's better than "she rolled her eyes at him", which just sounds disgusting. What did he do? Roll 'em back?

Ah, now. You shouldn't have said that, because I'm tempted to use it...

She rolled her eyes at him, which caused some comment around the room.

"Um," she said. "Could you pass those back. I'm lost without them."

"You have two glass eyes?" He nudged them with the toe of his boot, and they left silvery trail in their wake, like a pair of spherical slugs.

:D
 

Euan H.

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Paolo said:
Ok, so what do you do if your writing resembles something from Atlanta Nights?

Well...you could always self-publish your book at Lulu and splash something like "In the spirit of the 'best-selling' 'novel' Atlanta Nights, this is South Putney Dog-Day Afternoons."

Maybe you could piggy-back on Atlanta Night's success.

She rolled her eyes at him, which caused some comment around the room.

"Um," she said. "Could you pass those back. I'm lost without them."

"You have two glass eyes?" He nudged them with the toe of his boot, and they left silvery trail in their wake, like a pair of spherical slugs.
Heh. How about:

He threw her a dirty look. It landed on her dress with a splatch, leaving a brown stain as it slid downward.
 
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