Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

Yup, study the passages that you think work... use a highlighter and mark the words that jump out at you...

And I think you will find that it gets down to "the right words and the right details." Pick the right words and the right details, and you're halfway there. Then arrange them in sentences to conjure the right mood and story...

For example:

So when he’d finished speakin’, he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.

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In four short lines, you have some consistent imageries that convey a mood. Simple words, but the right words, that convey not just the surface meanings, but go deeper. For example, "an ace that I could keep" has a much deeper meaning.

Hurrah! Back! There was a glitch in the board that kept me from posting.

Anyway ... have to do some catching up. But while that's happening ...

The Locus Poll only has a couple more days to run. You don't need to be a Locus subscriber to participate.

https://secure.locusmag.com/2005/Issues/02PollAndSurvey.html

James D. Macdonald said:

The Locus Poll only has a couple more days to run. You don't need to be a Locus subscriber to participate.

https://secure.locusmag.com/2005/Issues/02PollAndSurvey.html

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Super! Now all I need to do is track down all those titles, pile them up by my favorite chair, and read them all. I should be done sometime in oh, mid-November, if I apply myself. (Will someone please arrange for regular deliveries of Chinese? Just have it pick randomly from the menu, that's fine...)

I count 19 SF&F novelle on that list. I'm rather amazed that so many were even published last year.

Nangleator said:

It seems a darn shame that a book must fit nicely onto one and only one shelf. I'd love to write a science fiction horror romance, or a comic historical mystery. I'm just afraid I'd be told, "We can't market this." Wouldn't such a book appeal to more people than peruse just one shelf?

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The thing is -- the bookstores have to shelve it somewhere. The publishers and the bookstores are trying to maximize sales, so they put a book where they think it'll find the most readers. A book can be a science fiction horror romance, but where it'll be shelved is going to be where they think it'll sell the best, or by which element prevails.

My own Mageworlds series was one of the first space opera/magical fantasy crossovers, and it did real well. (The fourth one in that series, The Gathering Flame, was a romance.)


I know I've used this example before, but Fritz Lieber's Conjure Wife has been packaged and sold as horror, fantasy, and romance.

Roger J Carlson said:

I'm at the stage where I can recognize good description and most of the time I can see HOW it was done. But when am I going to be able to DO it?

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You'll be able to do it after you've done it enough times to see what's happening.

You're a musician practicing scales. You're a magician practicing palming. You listen to yourself, or you watch yourself in a mirror. You go to clubs and listen to the performers, or watch them, as the case may be, to see how the guys who are standing where you want to stand are doing it.

Let me play with that little opening a bit, okay?

It was hot in the train car that evening. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care. The guy across from me was a gambler. I could tell by the black frock coat and string tie...

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Right. "It was" (or "there were") is generally a weak opening. You'll want to have 'em in your bag of tricks for when you want to direct (or misdirect) your readers ... but the first words of a story probably isn't one of those places. What's important here? The heat? The train? I think the important bit is the other character, the guy.

So let's start:

The guy...

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Which guy?

The guy in the black frock coat. Are both of those adjectives needed? Probably not.

The guy in the frock coat...

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Time for the verb ... what's he doing? He's sitting, but that's not too exciting. There's always a version of "to be," but that's not too exciting either. He's a gambler. What's a gambler thing for him to do? How about the trick where you roll a silver dollar over your knuckles. (This also foreshadows his death ... the "ferryman's fee," and the practice of putting silver dollars on a dead man's eyes.)

The guy in the frock coat was rolling a silver dollar across his knuckles.

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Now we can set the scene.

The train was going nowhere special, and where I was coming from wasn't anywhere special either.

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Action and time, coming up.

I stared out the window into the dark.

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Now some dialog.

I didn't figure him for the chatty kind, but after enough hours he stirred, looked me in the eye, and said, "Son...."

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And go from there.

I can hear you asking, "Uncle Jim, is it true that you do no promotion at all?"

Well, yes and no.

There's this thread, y'see. You all know my name. And anyone who types the words Learn Writing -- no quotes -- will find this thread on the first page. It was #4 tonight. It's been #1 on some occassions. My very first post here, you'll see a link to my web page.

So that's another thing. My web page. It's been up for years, it lists all my books and where to get 'em, and it has useful stuff. No one is going to go around looking for me -- I'm no one -- but they'll look for useful stuff. So if you type science fiction bookstore into Google, one of the top half dozen sites you'll get to (it was #3 as of a couple of minutes ago) is my list of SF/F/H bookstores. In addition to a list of bookstores (I love bookstores -- they sell my books) you'll see some colorful book covers on that page. Those are all links to my books.

Who's visited there?

Web Pages referring to this page within the last 24 hours (min 1 reference):

Google [336]
Yahoo! Search - Web Search [54]
THE TOR BOOKS FAQ [32]
MSN Search: -- More Useful Everyday [6]
Antique Collectible Fantasy Fiction Horror Science [1]
EarthLink Search powered by Google [1]

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Do you see the link to the Writer's Weekend at the bottom of this post? That's a conference I'm going to, where I'll be a featured speaker. (I've already been to three others this year.)

I've done two book signings this year. One a multi-author thing at a convention, the other a multi-author thing at a bookstore. (They invited me -- in the hour we were there, every copy of one or another of my books in the place sold. No, I didn't count. Who cares?)

I've got the regular writer's workshop I teach in the fall. (Still open if you're planning to apply.)

We've got a LiveJournal going for a work in progress.

Many years ago, when I was just beginning one day I visited my publisher, had my editor take me over to the publicity department, and met the head of publicity. I shook his hand, and said, "If there's anything I can do, let me know." He said, "That's what I like to hear."

So, that's what I'm doing for publicity. I've done the tours, I've done the radio stuff, I've had the newspaper articles. Mostly, what I think those things do is give the author something to do with his time so he won't fret.

I'm not having pens with my titles made. I'm not doing bookmarks. I'm not doing postcards. I'm not calling around to bookstores. I'm just here, writing novels, chatting with folks, and getting out into the world once in a while.

Originally posted by James D. Macdonald
The thing is -- the bookstores have to shelve it somewhere.

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That's understood. I guess it's just that I'm dreading writing the query for something like this. And, as I'm unpublished and without agent, selecting an agent and convincing them that I belong with them sounds very difficult.

Originally posted by Medievalist
Paranormal romance is very popular -- think of Kim Armstrong, Charlaine Harris' "southern vampire," or even Laurell K. Hamilton.

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Good to hear. I was thinking that today's publishing industry made crossover (or jambalaya) novels unlikely.

Certainly, any outstanding novel will be sold, but I have yet to discover I can write one that good. Might as well shoot for the moon, though.

BIC, BIC, BIC...

I just wanted to say I GOT IT! I finally got what many of you have tried to say gently to this bullheaded Taurus, and what IWrite pounded into my head. James and IWrite and Jalpha especially, long expositions are story killers.

What came to me this morning where two statements James made. 1. You don't have to tell the reader all the details, but you need to know them. When I first read that, I just didn't understand what you meant, James.

But I am revising, and I came upon one of my long passages describing a room, (you know, those passages I defended as THE WAY I WRITE?) I stopped, wrote myself a note there and said, just give the reader Maddy's overall impression of this room, that's not what she came in here for, she's looking for her mother's social security number, not taking a tour!

2. Put a gun to each adjectives head and make them justify their existence. God, I hated reading that the first time! But I am the woman with the gun and those puppies better have a damn good reason for being there!

This board is an invaluable tool, this thread worth gold. And I think I may turn out to be a writer after all.

Thanks,

Denise

wurdwise said:

I just wanted to say I GOT IT!

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Kinda like The Rain in Spain, eh?

(Great musical, and the restored version on the DVD is wonderful.)

Denise, I'm so glad you finally had that "By George" moment.

Yeah, expositions are summaries, and they're like an uncle sitting next to you and saying, "and then this happened to me." They are good for certain things (transitions, info dump, etc.) but they take you out of the story, out of that "dream state" we novelists strive for so very much.

You don't have to describe the room if it's not part of the story, but if it is (somehow the pattern on the drapes is important) then do describe it -- it adds texture and details to your story -- the point is to put your readers as much as possible in the moment, making them see, hear, taste, feel and smell things. At the same time, move the plot along so we're not standing there looking at things when your protagonist just wants to get in and get out.

(UJ, the restored version is marvelous.)

Thanks, Ray. That's what made me realize that I had finally gotten it. I want the reader to come away knowing how Maddy feels about the way her grandma's private bedroom makes her feel, by the way it looks and the things it in, the way it smells, and how she feels very intrusive being in this personal world of the old woman she loves so much. I will use only what i need to create this atmosphere. I am so happy! I feel like Christopher Columbus! The world really isn't square!!

A good way to cure yourself of info dumping is to study the writing of a minimalist. I love Robert B. Parker’s Spencer novels. The series is written in first person, and the style really makes it seem like the daily log of a hard boiled detective. There are descriptive passages, but they are more poetic than lengthy. By poetic, I mean both attractive and efficient. He’s great at using similes and metaphors for comic effect and efficiency.


During passages of dialog, the only words used outside of quotes are either tags or very brief descriptions of what the title character is directly perceiving or thinking. In fact, these descriptions fill in the pertinent ‘stage direction’ of each character. For example, when Spencer’s psychologist girlfriend and others are analyzing him in his presence, the author describes something unimportant happening outside the window and across the street. You can feel Spencer’s discomfort and know he’s turned his head in embarrassment and disinterest. When he’s in the presence of threatening criminals, the descriptions prove he’s watching hands and faces for clues to any impending assault.

When I first tried to emulate him, I was of the impression that brevity was easy because there were fewer words. Good gravy, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

A good way to cure yourself of info dumping is to study the writing of a minimalist. I love Robert B. Parker’s Spencer novels.

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I suspect that style only works for certain genre or storytelling. If you're writing romance or historical fiction, I doubt that "minimalist" approach would work very well, unlike in suspense or mystery. In sci-fi, you pretty much needs some info dump somewhere if your world is an alien one...

James D. Macdonald said:

Right. "It was" (or "there were") is generally a weak opening. You'll want to have 'em in your bag of tricks for when you want to direct (or misdirect) your readers ... but the first words of a story probably isn't one of those places.

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Yeah I know. That's why I wrote the Passive Word Highlighter. Works great for pointing out all the 'was's and 'to be's. But then I still have to go back and fix it. And there's the rub.

It's hard to explain but sometimes I can almost hear what a passage is supposed to sound like. Not the words, but the rhythm, the pattern. But when I try to put words into it, it comes out dull and prosaic.

I used to complain that if someone would just work with me and point out the flaws in my story then I could be a publishable writer. But I've come to realize that if I can't start doing it for myself, I'm not really a writer. Why should an editor work with me when he can work with someone who can already do it?

So I keep plugging at it. One hour, every day. Thanks all, especially you, Jim.

maestrowork said:

In sci-fi, you pretty much need some info dump somewhere if your world is an alien one...

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I don't know. I've read some excellent science fiction novels where you pick up the world details bit by bit during the story, so that by the end you have a good world picture. In the course of the story, you always have enough to understand what's going on, but you also have unanswered questions. As a reader, I find it very effective to discover the answers to those questions in the course of the novel, through the natural details and dialog of the story. If well done, I like this technique way better than an info-dump.

On the other hand, I've met folks who simply cannot keep reading if there's even one undefined alien term they don't understand--drives 'em crazy. So, like most techniques, this one doesn't please everyone.

Kris

PS. In my French drama class, we recently studied a classic 17th century play by Corneille. The professor pointed out that entire first act was nothing characters talking about the present situation and the events that caused it, in order to get the audience up to speed. Info-dump is not a recent phenomenon, that's for sure!

maestrowork said:

In sci-fi, you pretty much needs some info dump somewhere if your world is an alien one...

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Have you ever read A Fire Upon The Deep? Stuff that's way outside our normal experience is all brought home to the reader with very little info-dumping.

The high-tech half of the story has some, with a major character needing to learn things in a hurry and having a local explain it to him, but a whole lot of background stuff is left to be filled in by the reader. What info-dumping does go on in those scenes is very well done.

The other half of the story involves aliens rather unlike anything that had ever been done before in a major work. Their psychology and physiology is just thrown at the reader, and little is explained except through inference and slow learning through dialogue.

It's actually pretty fascinating to see how Vinge does it. He didn't really follow Jim's advice about answering the readers' questions just before they're asked, but I found that working out some of the details for myself before having the author shine some light on them was one of the great things about that book.

Okay, I'm coming down to the end of my current work.

Jim, your thoughts on my approach.
I plan to toss it in the drawer for a month or so before taking a red pencil to it.

My thought is that it will not be as fresh in my mind when I revisit it.
Then I can say, yuck, and find a better passage or word.

I just got through doing that, and am ready to insert changes/new scenes, and delete the useless stuff.
Now the fun really begins!

changling said:

I plan to toss it in the drawer for a month or so before taking a red pencil to it.

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A month minimum. Take the weekend off, then immediately start writing your next book. (That'll help you gain distance, and through distance perspective, on the work in the desk drawer.)

Grammar Question

Could anyone help me / direct me to a helpful place concerning this:

She dropped her gaze, and red with anger and shame, noted that she still wore her old, dirty clothes.

vs.

She dropped her gaze, and, red with anger and shame, noted that she still wore her old dirty clothes.

Should there be a comma after the 'and' or not? Is there a more 'correct' way of writing this, or this a stylistic grammar pitfall? Is the comma after 'shame' correct?

First one. Second one doesn't flow.

This is correct:

She dropped her gaze and, red with anger and shame, noted that she still wore her old dirty clothes.

No comma after "gaze." That's not a compound sentence; it's a simple sentence with a compound predicate. Take out the "red..." phrase and you have "She dropped her gaze and noted that she still wore her old dirty clothes."

I'm not sure about dropping one's gaze, though. Nobody talks like that. How about "She looked down and..."?

Does she see her redness? Whose POV are you using?