Hi all,
I'm new here. It has taken me a few months to get through the five thousand posts, so I don't
feel that new, but you get the point.
DamaNegra, I find it difficult to discuss concepts like "show, don't tell" in the abstract, but with regard to your example, in my opinion it depends on the situation which of these is appropriate.
To me, "The place was so cold goosebumps filled my skin" conveys that the narrator (and the reader) knew that the place would be cold, or at least cool, but is surprised by
how cold it is. "As I entered, goosebumps filled my skin" (assuming that the reader understand they are from the cold) conveys to me that it is cold, uncomfortably so, but the narrator (and the reader) knew that it would be. I would find the first variant inappropriate if the narrator knew it would be this cold, and I would find the second one inappropriate if they are surprised by it.
If the narrator didn't know it would be cold at all, I would find both versions inappropriate. In that case, I might consider, for example, "The place was ice cold. Goose bumps filled my skin."
maestrowork's "I entered the room, a rush of cold air brushed past me and goosebumps filled my skin" and Uncle Jim's "His breath steamed and he stamped his feet" seem appropriate in the same situation as "As I entered, goosebumps filled my skin", for me, (except that they fix the problem that the reader might not now whether the goosebumps are from the cold or from the narrator's nerves).
Of course there's also the possibility that the narrator knew it would be cold, but the reader doesn't. "Like always, the place was so cold that goosebumps filled my skin" might serve you here. "The place was so cold that goosebumps filled my skin" is inappropriate because it conveys (to me) that the narrator didn't know it would be. "As I entered, goosebumps filled my skin" isn't appropriate because the
reader doesn't know why that would happen; the same is true for "His breath steamed and he stamped his feet" and "I entered the room, a rush of cold air brushed past me and goosebumps filled my skin." These could be made to work by following them up by an explanation, though: "Grandmother always kept her windows open, even in Winter."
Hmm:
1) "I entered my grandmother's appartment. The windows were wide open, as always. It was so cold that goosebumps filled my skin."
2) "I entered my grandmother's appartment. The windows were wide open, as always. A rush of cold air brushed past me, and goosebumps filled my skin."
3) "I entered my grandmother's appartment. The windows were wide open, as always. Goosebumps filled my skin."
4) "I entered my grandmother's appartment. The windows were wide open, as always. My breath steamed, and I stamped my feet."
(3) and (4) don't work for me in this context -- seems to me that we need the word "cold" somewhere in here, or something similar to fill the reader in on what is going on. I like (2) better than (1), in this context, though.
- Benja