At a previous job:
Manager (running into my office, such as it was, in a panic): "Quick, I need one of those easel things, two of those flip chart things, a bunch of those real big sticky notes in all different colors, markers in every color you have and oh yeah, get coffee and all that crap from the cafeteria!"
Me: "Okay, when do you need this stuff?" (None of which was normally kept on hand except the markers, mind you.)
Him: "For my meeting in five minutes!"
Me (thinking): "Gee, nothing like planning ahead, is there? Especially not here..."
~*~
Moronic former co-worker, on IM: "R U THERE?!!!?!!!!111 R U There!!!!!111?/// 911!!!!1111 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 R U Ther????!!!!!????!!!??!111"
Me: "No."
Or this lovely exchange:
Dazed & Confused Staff Person: "That meeting for today, you gotta fix igt! You put it on the seventeenth!"
Me: "Huh?"
D&CSP: "It's ont he seventeenth! You gotta fix it! You gotta call everyone and tell them it's today! It's gotta be TODAY!"
Me: "Uh, Rich? Today is the seventeenth."
Him: "No, no, it's the sixteenth! You gotta fix it!"
Me: "Rich, today is the seventeenth. Trust me on that." (It was my birthday, I should have known what day it was!)
Him (slightly indignant): "Are you trying to tell me I don't know what day it is?"
Me: "With all due respect, yes."