The "I'm sorry" thread

i did honk out happy birthday while we waited


i'm sorry that i stepped on that blue butterfly while we were dinosaur hunting but...

...since I was searching for dinosaurs I didn't see the pretty little thing fluttering around near the ground.


I am sorry that I forgot to tell you that dinosaurs are extinct but...

...you get as good as you give.

I am sorry that your phone dropped your last call but...

at least now you won't have to uproot your family for that great new job.
I'm sorry the new hologram program trapped you on that veldt with the hungry lions but

don't blame me, I'm just the programmer.


I'm sorry I called you a nerd but...

at least that vasectomy you were planning won't be necessary


i'm sorry that mrs. danvers is out to make your life a living hell, but...

...you should have known better than to move into such a big house in today's economy.

I'm sorry I put your little boy into a balloon, sent him aloft, called the media and the police and the National Guard and used the stunt to promote myself, but...

nanny 911 told me to


i'm sorry that i parked my car on your veranda but...

but it is really hard to find a place to land a flying car.
I'm sorry I wrecked your ship chasing the white whale but

...I'm a member of Save the Whales and would do anything to protect that species.

I'm sorry filled your holiday punch bowl with cabbage juice, but...

it's so much better for your teeth than that sugery swill you had in there.

I'm sorry I put purple streaks in your hair while you were sleeping...

but it goes so well with your writing style, I am quickly losing my regrets.

I'm sorry I stuck an icepick through your radio, but...

...you're lucky I didn't stick it through the sensitive place I first had in mind.

I'm sorry I told the casino manager that you were cheating at blackjack, but...

it distracted him while I emptied the till.

I'm sorry everyone now thinks you're a cheat but...

... your good reputation was making everyone else look bad.

I'm sorry I flushed your goldfish down the toilet while taking him for a walk, but...

how was I to know he was suicidal?

I'm sorry I forgot to flush after I shat in your toilet, but...

only after you shat in my hat

i'm sorry that i lied to you about having a cask of amontillado in my basement but...

now you'll have plenty of peace and quiet.
I'm sorry I mistook your streaming star for a golden sun but

I'm lucky to see anything at my age.


I'm sorry I nailed your foot to the floor but...

you weren't really planning on getting married in white, were you????


i'm sorry that i got death caps and morels confused when i was making your mushroom pizza but...

...where I come from, that's considered a compliment.

I'm sorry I told the pageant directors about those sex tapes you made before you decided to compete for Miss America, but...