The "I'm sorry" thread
- Thread starter Woof
- Start date
...in no time you'll find yourself saying "An' a-one, an' a-two" and being invited to all the best polka parties.
I'm sorry I made you wear a chauffeur's uniform when you offered to drive me to the mall, but...
I'm sorry I made you wear a chauffeur's uniform when you offered to drive me to the mall, but...
...but you know that if you help me pretend that I'm the Baron de Rothschild, I'll make it worth your while...
I'm sorry that when you said you had trouble getting to sleep last night, that I brought a flock of sheep into your bedroom for you to count, but...
I'm sorry that when you said you had trouble getting to sleep last night, that I brought a flock of sheep into your bedroom for you to count, but...
...but after I bought that serta mattress they just won't leave me the hell alone!!!!!
I'm sorry that I bit your ear off when we were horsing around the other day but...
I'm sorry that I bit your ear off when we were horsing around the other day but...
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you really shouldn't use it to brush your teeth.
I'm sorry I flushed your diamond necklace down the toilet but...
I'm sorry I flushed your diamond necklace down the toilet but...
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...you never were very sharp-eyed before.
I'm sorry I snarkily tore apart your epic fantasy and shredded your dreams of sudden fame, but...
I'm sorry I snarkily tore apart your epic fantasy and shredded your dreams of sudden fame, but...
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...surely you don't think that kind of superstitious nonsense will affect you, do you? 
I'm sorry I took your birthday cake off the table and shoved it down the disposal, but...
I'm sorry I took your birthday cake off the table and shoved it down the disposal, but...
...but I thought it was possessed by the angry spirit of Che Guevara.
I'm sorry I kicked you in the face with my steel-toed boots, but...
I'm sorry I kicked you in the face with my steel-toed boots, but...
...but I thought that rearranging your features would increase your dating success.
I'm sorry that I peeked into your bedroom and observed you doing that very kinky thing, but...
I'm sorry that I peeked into your bedroom and observed you doing that very kinky thing, but...
...my memberships to all the good porn sites had expired, and you couldn't expect me to spend the night surfing for free stuff.
I'm sorry I doubted you when you said you were from Planet X, but...
I'm sorry I doubted you when you said you were from Planet X, but...
...but with your antennae and multiple eyes it was an honest mistake believing that you were a giant cockroach.
I'm sorry the cook dropped a cigarette butt in your mashed potatoes, but...
I'm sorry the cook dropped a cigarette butt in your mashed potatoes, but...
...a little ketchup will do wonders to disguise the taste.
I'm sorry I told the Post Office you had moved to an undisclosed location, but...
I'm sorry I told the Post Office you had moved to an undisclosed location, but...
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... but the Witness Protection Program doesn't normally leave a forwarding address.
I'm sorry my aim was a little off in the William Tell skit, but...
I'm sorry my aim was a little off in the William Tell skit, but...
...but since I'm the apple of your eye, it seemed like an appropriate place for the arrow to land.
I'm sorry that your fly rusted in your suit of armor and you couldn't unzip it, but...
I'm sorry that your fly rusted in your suit of armor and you couldn't unzip it, but...
...there are several types of can opener that will solve your problem, with only about a 20% chance of damaging your...um...valuables.
I'm sorry I stole your winning lottery ticket and collected the $1 million that should have been yours, but...
I'm sorry I stole your winning lottery ticket and collected the $1 million that should have been yours, but...
You did borrow 999,999 dollars from me. Call that one dollar interest.
I'm sorry I ate the last chicken leg, but....
I'm sorry I ate the last chicken leg, but....
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the chicken looked silly hopping around on leg. Somebody had to do it.
I'm sorry I set the laundry basket on fire, but...
I'm sorry I set the laundry basket on fire, but...
You do realize parachute pants have fallen out of style for a very long time now, right? I couldn't let you continue to injustice yourself.
I'm sorry I had to throw all your rough drafts away, but
I'm sorry I had to throw all your rough drafts away, but
...I went to a fortune teller, and she told me that if I could find something utterly worthless and destroy it, it would bring me good luck.
I'm sorry I brought those rats over from the lab and set them loose during your dinner party, but...
I'm sorry I brought those rats over from the lab and set them loose during your dinner party, but...
...but you did say you were running out of ratatouille.
I'm sorry that you were chauffeured to a gala black tie event in a broken down, rusty 1973 AMC Gremlin hatchback, but...
I'm sorry that you were chauffeured to a gala black tie event in a broken down, rusty 1973 AMC Gremlin hatchback, but...
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