The "I'm sorry" thread

armydillo978

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Your just jealous that your family line only goes to. ..... what..... pffft.....hanger 18...... wench.

I'm sorry that some blue eyed floozies are actually brown eyed floozies.
 

Nymtoc

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...but as my old man used to say, "A floozie is a floozie, ain't nothin' you can do about it."

I'm sorry you don't know which end is up, but...
 

Nymtoc

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...what's said is said and cannot be unsaid.

I'm sorry I followed you everywhere last week, but...
 

Mary Mitchell

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the lasso I roped you with got wrapped around my wrist, and you wouldn't stop running.

I'm sorry the chicken liver liver stew was too rich for your gallbladder, but...
 

Nymtoc

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...I have a friend who's in the second year of medical school, and he says he needs practice and will remove your gallbladder for free!

I'm sorry you tweet 2,000 times a day, but...
 

Mary Mitchell

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soon your texting finger will become muscle bound and will be too big to tap the individual keys, and that will be the end of that--and a few other things that require manual dexterity.

I'm sorry you discovered the dark dank cupboard under your kitchen sink is infested with cockroaches, but...
 

armydillo978

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But ..... those cockroaches are your friends after all.....and you do enjoy snuggling up to them and letting them pick your teeth in the middle of the night......well, your a mouth breather after all.

I'm sorry the breaks went out in your car
 

Mary Mitchell

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but them's the breaks, Man.

I'm sorry that, when you Google Tesla, 47 sites about the car are listed before you come to a mention of Nikola, but...
 

Nymtoc

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...Tom Edison did his best to put Nikola in the dustbin of history, and he damn near succeeded!

I'm sorry I took the ladder away and left you on the roof all night, but...
 

Mary Mitchell

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the roof rats probably kept you warm.

I'm sorry I replaced your house number with 666, but...
 

Nymtoc

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...666 Fifth Avenue is the flagship building of the Kushner financial empire, so it's a tossup whether you're in league with Jared Kushner or someone more...um...problematical.

I'm sorry your hair looks exactly like Donald Trump's, but...
 

shakeysix

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but you are also a dead ringer for Nymtoc's classic avatar, so it's not all bad to have squirrely orange hair. At least on your head.

I'm sorry that the innuendos escape you but
 

Nymtoc

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...they just go in one end and out the other.

I'm sorry you decided not to cut your nails for a year, but...
 

Mary Mitchell

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when you do, you'll be able to use the cuttings to build a shrapnel bomb.

I'm sorry you have rats in your attic, but...
 

Komnena

In Honor of Peter Tomich,USS Utah
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but now you have a lifetime supply of free pets.
I'm sorry your best friend thinks he is Napoleon but
 

Nymtoc

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...at least you know you're Julius Caesar.

I'm sorry the narcs arrested you by mistake, but...
 

Fruitbat

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... I'm sure you did something to deserve it.

I'm sorry I stole your identity but...
 

Mary Mitchell

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you didn't seem to be using it, anyway.

I'm sorry you failed your driver's test--again--but...
 

Komnena

In Honor of Peter Tomich,USS Utah
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but now you can still relax while riding the bus.
I'm sorry I threw out your Elvis corncob but
 

Mary Mitchell

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I thought there could be Elvis anything. Kind of like coconut oil--you can build a house with that stuff, can't you?

Speaking of which...

...but I left you your coconut oil John Lenon.

I'm sorry my fit of temper resulted in your pool liner getting slashed, but...
 

Nymtoc

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...the truth is, I didn't want to tell you how crappy you look in a swimsuit, and I thought that by making your pool unusable I would save you some embarrassment this summer.

I'm sorry I brought 100 of my friends over to your house last night, but...
 
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Nymtoc

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...wouldn't you rather have scorch marks than be reminded of St. Bartholomew, who was skinned alive?

I'm sorry the postman rang twice, but...