The "I'm sorry" thread

yeah, there was a reason for that.

I'm sorry you bruise so easily, but

you should stop trying out for mixed martial arts.

I'm sorry aliens kidnapped you but

...you enjoyed their probes...didn't you?

I'm sorry I left you standing at the altar, but...

Dr. Who was on tv.

I'm sorry I kidnapped you, but.....

I wanted to see what it was like from the other end of the probe.

I'm sorry I spilled the bucket of eaves trough paint on your cat but

I'm a dog person.

I'm sorry I saved your life, but...

perhaps you should have pinned the suicide note to your shirt.

I'm sorry your parents named you Archibald Aloysius but

their other choice was Bernard Boomhauer

I'm sorry you didn't like the meal, sir but

your cleaned plate determined that was a lie. Pay up.

I'm sorry I forgot to buy coffee cream but

but I thought you were a real man.

I'm sorry I dug your spare key out of the planter and let myself into your house and crept up the stairs by moonlight and entered your room and stood over your bed and watched you and your husband sleep, leaning over to smell your hair and dipping my nose so close to your nose that we pulled the very same breath, but

my other neighbors are light sleepers.

I'm sorry we played piggy-in-the-middle with your wallet but

....but.....you just couldn't make your mind up and take a side..... not saying your getting kickbacks from both parties......buuuuuuuut. Hmmmmm

I am SOOOOOO sorry that had to reware dirty underwear because I said the washer was broken......sucker......but.....

try turning it inside out.

I'm sorry they gave the lead in the play to your arch rival but...

...you can still figure out how to get rid of your rival and get that lead. Let me count the ways...

I'm sorry they blacklisted you at the Writers Club, but...

They quickly realized it was one of your manuscripts that I had plagiarized and forgave me.....

I'm sorry they won't let you on the subway anymore.....but nude midget tossing on the platform is a No-No.....tsk tsk.....but the Transit Police did say.....

since you'd studiously avoided the third rail, you could ride again in a month.

I'm sorry they discontinued your cat's favorite--i.e. the only thing it deems worthy of the name--food, but...

if you wanted gratitude you should have gotten a dog.
I'm sorry I stole your medicines but

I was out of vines and craved that fake cherry flavor rush. Cherry flavored Zyprexa is the bees knees. The cat's pajamas thebestthingsincesliced breadhell the best thing since adam and eve invented sex they did you know, back in the garden...I just want to get back to the garden. that's where I saw that caterpillarand his hookah. in the garden when I was stardust just before we turned into butterflies...noreallyhe had a hookah

I wish my manic would kick back and let my overly scrupulous paranoia take the wheel

Granted. You are now sure the bee's knees are now knocking in secret code, sending creepy messages about you to the cat, whose pajamas have little happy faces on them that are mocking you, laughing at your tasted in bread and interest in Biblical sex, and that hookah smoking caterpillar doesn't really think you deserve to turn into a butterfly, and he's growing, growing, getting big enough to prevent you... Where is that cherry flavored Zyprexa?

I wish plot ideas grew on trees.

I wish I could remember that this is the I'm sorry thread.

I'm sorry that I am going ga-ga on you guys.

...but at least you can feel successful at suckering me in on your little trip, too

I'm sorry your dog ran away and came home pregnant, but...

...maybe she'll have a big litter, and you will have such fun housebreaking the puppies (too bad about your Persian rug).

I'm sorry I lost your first edition of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, but...

I promise to play "We're Off to See the Wizard" at your funeral.

I'm sorry I burnt the last two slices of toast but...

you didn't really need all those extra calories anyway.

I'm sorry your time travel agent sent you to Alamagordo, New Mexico in July 1945 but

At least you won't need that glow in the dark watch.

I'm sorry that my house landed on your sister but...