The "I'm sorry" thread

[COLOR=#333333 said:

I'm sorry your mother-in-law moved in while you were out....[/COLOR]

Click to expand...

but my sister's Hubby simply couldn't take her abuse anymore.

I'm sorry I stole your car...

but I've left it at the scene of the crime, and your fingerprints are all over it.

I'm sorry you fell out of a five-storey window...

but hey, yesterday I was going to push you from the ninth floor!

I'm sorry I said your grandmother's face reminded me of an old man's armpit...

but I figured it's ok to lie to not hurt your feelings.

I'm sorry your carpet doesn't match the boogers I wiped on them, but...

since I caught tuberculosis, my mucus has taken on this strange violet color.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that cat vomit before you stepped in it...

...but considering your choice in shoes, I didn't think it would matter.

I'm sorry your parents never told you they were from the planet Dagobah, but...

with your long pointy ears and green skin tone you can't tell me you weren't the least bit suspicious.

I'm sorry you had to wait 5-hours to vote, but ...

...it gave you time to consider whether you wanted to write in a vote for Penelope Clearwater or Homer Simpson.

I'm sorry no one came to your Halloween party, but...

you shouldn't have turned all of the lights off, and ignored the people knocking at your door, because you thought it was kids and you were too cheap to buy candy to hand out.

I'm sorry you think I was talking behind your back, but ...

No one was actually there, you were just hallucinating.

I'm sorry I didn't make our date, but...

you probably would have run screaming from my fangs.
I'm sorry I booked your time travel cruise on the Titanic but

... but the Hindenburg was already sold out.

I'm sorry you lost your foot in a skiing accident ...

but this thread has stalled long enough, so...

I'm sorry your neighbor called the police on you, but ...

but luckily, the horse she was hiding in her backyard got spooked and kicked a hole in her fence, distracting Barney and Goober from her complaint about your shooting at her loose dog with your grand daughter's BB gun. So she got the ticket instead! (Loosely based on actual facts!)


I'm sorry that your nerdy podiatrist went to high school with you and seems to revel in the fact that you were once popular but now he is more successful while you have tendonitis. (also based, less loosely, on actual facts)

...but he is still a nerd, albeit a nerd with a six-figure income, but hey, you aren't still getting wedgies from your co-workers.

I'm sorry you got stuck teaching that horrid class this year...

but like they say, a class is merely a reflection of it's teacher.

I'm sorry you couldn't find your snow shovel this morning, but ...

...you really should let the snow keep piling up, so you can have a white Christmas.

I'm sorry you lost $5,000 in Las Vegas, but...

you really should have known better than to play against MIT studentd.
I'm sorry your prize robot with its data on the Death Star got sent to that desert planet but

...BB-8 has a thing for plucky brunettes.

I'm sorry to hear you may lose your remaining testicle, but...

...you didn't use it much anyway.

I'm sorry your Mission to Mars made it only as far as Albuquerque, but...

but you at least are keeping the space dream alive.
I'm sorry my first drafts have been so awful I can't make myself work on them but

...that gives you more time to do important things like laundry and housecleaning.

I'm sorry that new weight-loss product made you gain 100 lbs, but...

but now you have no problem forcing your way through crowds.
I'm sorry I left the cake out in the rain but

that's a lot easier than making custard.

I'm sorry my dog gave you fleas but

...at least he didn't bite you.

I'm sorry that scruffy-looking painter you hired painted your entire house purple, but...