The "I'm sorry" thread

...I thought they'd go well with your tie-dyed jeans and love beads.

I'm sorry I mistook you for a chimney sweep, but...

you gotta stop sleeping in dirt and soot and crying 'weep. 'weep. 'weep.

I'm sorry that I cannot see your woe but...

...I'm too busy being happy upon the heath.

I'm sorry your plan to build a bridge from Florida to Finland didn't make it through Congress, but...

all the money was going to the giant invisible dark- skin filtering wall that congress and Trump are building to enclose the continental USA. Too bad about Hawaii and Alaska being excluded but when you plan to take the country back to 1857 you have to respect the geography as well as the philosophy of the times.

Sorry that evangelical archaeologists have picked your back yard to excavate Fred and Dino in order to prove that man and dinosaur existed together but ...

...they are performing a vital service for the world! Down with the corrupt ones who contradict All That We Know to Be True! They Shall Not Triumph! Hallelujah!

I'm sorry you didn't like the pumpkin pudding I made for you, but...

what with your wife in the shell and all.

I'm sorry that you fell off that wall --s6

...let's get real. It would cost far too much too employ all the king's horses and all the king's men just because you couldn't keep your balance on the stupid damn wall, so go scramble yourself!

I'm sorry I gave up my ticket and insisted that you take my place on RMS Titanic, but...

but thank god I took over that lifeboat and saved everyone.

I'm sorry that the Broadway musical they made about your life is all lies and glitter but...

...you wouldn't really want the truth out there for everyone to see--would you?

I'm sorry you aren't a fan of the Kardashians, but...

Frankly, they aren't a fan of you, either.

I'm sorry Nymtoc won't reciprocate my love for him, but...

but you should really send flowers and take him out to dinner.

I'm sorry you are addicted to NCIS but

...at least its better than you pretending to be a cop again.


I'm sorry I blew up your planet but...

I have to practice my gun somewhere.

I'm sorry I burped on your face, but

You're just so handsome and I got nervous.

I know, I know my jokes aren't funny but...

you're my best friend.

I'm sorry a crow laid an egg on you, but

...You look sexy now.

I'm sorry that I destroyed the organization that was humanity's best chance but...

but does humanity deserve to survive?

I'm sorry I got into that fight during the race down the Derby stretch but

it was fun beating you. Boo!!

I'm sorry your life is a mess, but

Keith Morrison wants to do a Dateline on your life!

I'm sorry that you will have to wear your prison jumpsuit for the interview but...

...orange is your color.

I'm sorry you got left at the altar, but...

you wore those shoes with that tux. It's like you were begging for it.

I'm sorry you can't have a pet dinosaur, but....

here's a pet alligator who killed off it's last owner, so you can gift this lizard to your momma-in-law. Guaranteed results in 2 days else cash back.

I'm sorry you fell off the flying plane, but

I can't help that your pants were so long I tripped on them.

I'm sorry your blind date had such a favorable position towards Rick Astley, but....

that was no reason for her seeing eye dog to bite you!

I'm sorry that your new girlfriend looks like Rick Astley but...

...you should be glad she doesn't look like Justin Bieber.

I'm sorry I painted "Make America Great Again" on all your windows, but...