The "I'm sorry" thread

...didn't it bring you a lot of new friends?

I'm sorry you think Milli Vanilli was the greatest band ever, but...

...I always thought of Milli Vanilli as the greatest ice cream brand ever.

I'm sorry your satellite dish is Made in North Korea, but...

...it will enable you to watch programs in which Kim Jong-Un speaks to his people, calling for "final victory." Now, where are you going to find that sort of thing otherwise?

I'm sorry they thought you were joking when you called the police emergency number and told them you had been shot, but...

your heirs will probably get a huge settlement, and live quite comfortably.

I'm sorry you didn't get a invitation to your kid's graduation ceremony, but

...I had anyway planned on watching it live on telly.

I'm sorry I thought political debates on pensions were boring, but...

then i found myself working as a walmart greeter at seventy two.

i'm sorry that your father ran off with your tango instructor but...

...a bit of fun in old age doesn't do any harm, does it?

I'm sorry you were the only woman at your son's 30th birthday party, but...

...after all, there are no women allowed in the prison where he is being held.

I'm sorry people keep mispronouncing your name, but...

I told you Mother's Truckers was a bad name for your company.

...may I please remind you of the Whimsical netiquette: We don't* talk about women, age, and obesity.

*unless you do it in a charming way, of course


I'm sorry to tell you that the French Cuisine lacks in spiciness, but...

... Frogs legs tends to be a delicacy in North Korea, where it is served up with a side of spicy crab legs and buttery cinnamon biscuits in exchange for your soul.

I'm sorry to tell you that you were adopted, along with your father who never baked the boar right, but...

...it gets worse. You were found in the wreckage of an alien spacecraft.

I'm sorry we don't like the same kind of music, but...

but george harrison on sitar beats slim whitman yodeling any day, any time!

i'm sorry that your mother was a gastropod but...

... she tasted quite fine in my soup last night.

I'm sorry you're a whimsical ninny, but...

that explains your nimmsical whinny.

i'm sorry that you lost your vorpal blade but...

...there are plenty of places where you can hide in the wabe.

I'm sorry the Jubjub bird has a crush on you, but...

...no worries. I walk around with a laser sword 24/7.

I'm sorry not to have heard of Jubjubs before, but...

but i understand they are a manxome foe

i'm sorry that you allowed your pre-teen daughters to go on an unchaperoned picnic with the reverend dodgson but...

...who cares about them, when they may have given him an idea for another wonderful book?

I'm sorry you can't be a skilled mathematician and also a writer of literary classics, but...

but at least you are not sexually repressed

i'm sorry that you speak roughly to your little boy...

But frankly some men like being called little, boy, and spoken to roughly.

I'm sorry you had to make fish for shooting...

but now you can sell them for a pittance.
I'm sorry the firemen burned your books but

Bradbury warned you to keep them hidden.


i'm sorry the elders have assigned you to become War & Peace but...

think of all the things you'll learn about the Napoleonic wars.
I'm sorry I sent the man with the living tattoos to you but

he looks just like rod steiger and i know you are single

i'm sorry that your african veldt wall paper has come to life but...