The "I'm sorry" thread

....since you're the wrong person to drive around in a Hummer, I'd already parked my Ferrari 911 GTI two blocks down the street as a kind of precautionary measure.

I'm sorry your admission for application to the Church was turned down by the Rev., but...

...don't you think being carried to the interview nailed to a cross may have been a little excessive?

I'm sorry you had a fit of hiccups when you were presented to the Queen, but...

...the hiccups were there for a reason: I didn't want her to know I'm stuttering.

I'm sorry to hear you had your first hangover at the tender age of thirty-one, but...

...maybe now you'll stop acting so superior toward people who drink too much.

I'm sorry the shop mistakenly sold you an umbrella with a poison tip, but...

now you don't have to worry about people jostling you more than once.

I'm sorry I stole all your Bonanza DVDs but

at least you have a new drinking game.

I'm sorry I left wet towels in your walking path...

...you'll learn to pick them up yourself. I decided to cut my own path.

I'm sorry your teenage son is still sucking his thumb, but...

...there are worse things he could do with his mouth.

I'm sorry you've been diagnosed with a split personality, but...

...that's just sour grapes: Wouldn't you also wish to write like Shakespeare, and punch the first person who steps on your toes like Tyson does?! There you are,
yours
William Mike

I'm sorry for all those people who can't leave home without tons of make-up, but...

...considering how most of them look without it, I hope they'll continue smearing the stuff on.

I'm sorry you lost your mind, but...

...mind you, mindless madness really is mind-blowing.

I'm sorry to see you're as scatterbrained as you were before treatment began, but...

the new breasts really suit you.


I'm sorry I drove over your foot but...

...now you can have it amputated and sit on the pavement with a tin cup asking for charity.

I'm sorry I told your wife that fake story about how you were having sex with five other women, but...

at least I didn't say five men.

I'm sorry your visa runs out tomorrow but...

but i'm pretty sure that internet birth certificate showing that you were born in hawaii with a twin named barry obama is not going to fool anyone.
i'm sorry that lassie and gramps are mired down in the cranberry bog but...

...they deserve each other.

I'm sorry you went all the way to Alaska and failed to get Sarah Palin's autograph, but...

...the real problem was she refused to have mine in exchange.

I'm sorry to hear your nephew nicked sweets from the corner shop, but...

...he split them with you, didn't he?

I'm sorry someone stole your skateboard, but...

I have an extra one that looks just like it that I can let you have for $50.

I'm sorry your weekend plans fizzled, but

...I have a great deal of yard work that needs doing, and if you want to come over and spend the next two days mowing my lawn, trimming my hedges, etc., you'll find that you won't miss your weekend plans at all.

I'm sorry the city wouldn't give you a permit to set off fireworks to celebrate your publication of a Kindle book, but...

...when I forwarded the sad news to amazon.com, they straight away suggested to set it off in their hometown.

I'm sorry your washing machine flooded the apartment below, but...

...it was their fault for having such a thin ceiling.

I'm sorry your doctor turned out to be a quack, but...

you could take him duck hunting.


I'm sorry your book was pulped but...

...at least it served a (recycling) purpose.

I'm sorry you paid forty quid only to see your team getting hammered, but...

...you were thinking of betting 100 quid, so you're 60 quid ahead!

I'm sorry that when you were aloft in your hot-air balloon, you were shot down by a six-year-old boy with a BB gun, but...