The "I'm sorry" thread

I wanted to make sure I really did have unlimited minutes on my new cell phone plan.

I'm sorry you about those teeth marks in your sandwich but....

I really wanted to see how durable old grammy's dentures really were.

I'm sorry your date didn't turn out so well, but...

what do you expect when you take your cousin to the homecoming dance?

I'm sorry you got cut from the team, but

That what you get for going the wrong way and scoring for the other side.


I'm sorry you feel so lonely but...

it's because you are alone. No one else can see through your eyes...

I'm sorry your new neighbors upstairs have eight young kids, but

...hey, what's the big deal, we've got six ourselves.

I'm sorry there wasn't enough booze at your wedding party, but...

...I've sent over a case of gin for you to drink when you wake up tomorrow morning and realize what you've gotten yourself into.

I'm sorry you have to earn your living by standing on the street corner imitating Toni Basil singing "Mickey," but...

At least you've got that nice rubber rain coat to repel the puddle spray as all the cars drive by.

I'm sorry you seem to be having trouble expressing yourself but

...you ain't not first guy whose telling me.

I'm sorry your spouse missed the return flight, but...

but his/her lover is a very slow driver.

I'm sorry you misplaced your keys and had to sleep in your office.

...but you've got to admit your office is far more pleasant than that shack you call a home.

I'm sorry your four-year-old daughter didn't win the Little Miss Bimbo Pageant, but...

it was your threats on the judges' lives that got her a lifetime ban.

I'm sorry your car wouldn't start this morning, but

... jump leads in the boot are well worth their money.

I'm sorry your father-in-law was diagnosed with diabetes the other day, but...

... doesn't that sound like nothing after the news your wife had cancer?

I'm sorry your dog ate your winning lottery ticket, but...

at least you have a good story to tell.

I'm sorry the supermarket was sold out of turkeys when you finally went shopping, but ...

...but on Navassa Island, a US protectorate in the Caribbean, the natives celebrate Thanksgiving with roast sea turtle, and I know a man who'll sell you one for a fantastic price, if you hurry.

I'm sorry the float carrying the Spider-Man balloon collapsed on you during Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, but...

You do look strikingly similar to the Green Goblin in that hideous outfit.

I'm sorry you're having trouble following the recipe for the classic Green Bean Casserole dish but...

you should have opened the can of soup, and just dumped just the contents into the pan.

I'm sorry your power went out before your turkey was finished, but ...

...you'll find that if you shape cold Spam into drumsticks and keep a lively conversation going, your guests won't notice the difference.

I'm sorry the government confiscated your house to make room for a new shopping mall, but...

look on the bright side, you'll no longer be burdened with the hassle of property taxes.

I'm sorry your turkey frier set your house on fire, but

...after putting my positive thinking cap on, I thought, 'sod it, but at least I'll no longer be burdened with the hassle of property taxes'.

I'm sorry for all those people that die from boredom, but...

...maybe they should pay less attention to "I'm a Celebrity" (UK) and "American Idol" (US) and get a life.

I'm sorry you finished last at the triathlon, but...

...but hardly a big surprise, given that I've been very self-indulgent lately.

I'm sorry your arch-enemy survived the stabbing, but...

...if he had died, you'd have been given the death penalty, and this way you only have to spend the rest of your life in prison.

I'm sorry everybody got sick after they ate your Thanksgiving dinner, but...

you were supposed to cook the turkey before serving.

I'm sorry you got pepper sprayed at the big box store, but ...