The "I'm sorry" thread

do you really think drawing a face on it with a magic marker, and letting it sit on your front porch until it rots is a more dignified end?

I'm sorry your concern for all living things has restricted you to an air and water diet, but

...since air and water are basic elements, all you need to do is sit on the earth and build a bonfire, and you will live very well with the four elements out of which everything is made--earth, air, fire and water.

I'm sorry I can't allow your in-laws to stay in my house, but...

i'm not zoned for handguns and monster wheels

i'm sorry that it is the end of the first nine weeks and your kid hasn't handed in an assignment since august 24 but...

if you'll have dinner with me I might be convinced to overlook it.

I'm sorry you got lost on your way home last night, but

i was craving eye-balls

i'm sorry you lost your glasses, but...

Some things are best not seen.

I'm sorry you didn't lose your sense of smell too...

but now you can have the fun of smelling the in law farts.

I'm sorry I let your cakes burn but

... the lake of fire plays havoc with unwanted buns left in the oven.

I'm sorry that William Shatner has become the Secretary General of the U.N and that all doors now go, Woosh, but ...

next time, be careful what you wish for.

I'm sorry someone stole your garden gnomes, but

...now you can put out plastic flamingos instead.

I'm sorry the doctor told you that you have Dimlinkerslapenzoidenfandoodlefunk's disease, but..

don't worry if your not familiar with it. By the time you look it up you'll be dead.

I'm sorry you-know-who put plastic flamingos all over your yard, but

...they help hide the fact that you never mow your lawn.

I'm sorry I shot an arrow through your living room window, but...

could I have it back? It's my last one.

I'm sorry my Halloween decorations scared your kids, but

but after a while I'll be tired of watching death of Khadhafi videos.
I'm sorry your kids didn't like my living Halloween display of tarantulas.

but I thought that it would be better than turning loose the zombies in my basement.

I'm sorry my dog attacked your pumpkin, but

you did carve it to look like a cat.

I'm sorry I started a worldwide zombie plague but

I"m starting to shoot my big zombie movie and I needed a lot of extras.

I'm sorry you went to sea in a wooden shoe, but...

at least it had odor eaters in it.

Sorry I blasted my music all night, but...

...since I've been doing it for the past three years, you're probably deaf by now anyway.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you that your roof was about to collapse, but...

you have to admit that your place feels a lot less stuffy now.

I'm sorry I signed for, and ate your pizza earlier, but

I saved you the crusts.

I'm sorry I accidentally stapled your shirt to the wall, but

....I needed a mannequin for the day.

I'm sorry I cheated at Monopoly, but

I really like play money.

I'm sorry I stuck you with the dinner bill but

I bought you coffee last week, so it was your turn.

I'm sorry my kids egged and TPed your house last night, but

at least they weren't your kids.

I'm sorry I called you a gopher cunt but...