The "I'm sorry" thread

Mary Mitchell

Go down road, go pub.
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putting Sparkel in my toilet bowl is about to take on a whole new meaning.

I'm sorry my lawn sprinkler ran over your sidewalk paintings, but...
 

Komnena

In Honor of Peter Tomich,USS Utah
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but if you pay the Russian hackers enough they'll send you a copy.
I'm sorry I'm such a lousy person but
 

Nymtoc

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...there are several people here who are much lousier.

I'm sorry I tore shingles off your roof to repair the holes in mine, but...
 

DrDLN

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but... I have spare shingles in my garage.

I am good at working around the house, but...
 

Komnena

In Honor of Peter Tomich,USS Utah
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but not so good at the inside.
I'm sorry I've only got some 1500 words on my NaNo project but
 

Nightfly

Ruby Ruby when will you be mine?
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....as a serial killer I've developed the habit of always cutting the words out of magazines and pasting them on the page.

I'm sorry I never apologize for anything without having a hidden agenda but....
 

Nymtoc

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...here's a big can of Spam. Serve it with dressing, yams, creamed onions, peas, mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts, squash, and lots of cranberry sauce, and your guests won't know the difference.

I'm sorry I told your three-year-old there isn't any Santa Claus, but...
 

CDSinex

Imagine something clever here.
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think of all the money you'll save.

I'm sorry you're snowed in (not here in Oregon, where it's 50°f), and ran out of coffee, but . . .
 

CDSinex

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it will help you get over your coffee addiction.

I'm sorry your cable went out and you're missing the Olympics, but ...
 

Nymtoc

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...the kids next door are staging a rock-throwing contest. Hear that glass shattering? That's competition right in your own house!

I'm sorry that when you dialed 9-1-1 the call was accidentally sent to my phone, but...
 

Nymtoc

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...I had an extra bag of kitty litter, and how was I supposed to know if :e2cat: ...I mean...well...I thought I heard a "meow" coming from the box...Or else I didn't...I mean...

I'm sorry I named my dog after you, but...
 

Nymtoc

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...but now you can legitimately hire yourself out for some of those track-a-satch treks through the woods.

I'm sorry that poem you submitted ("How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...") appears to be plagiarized, but...
 

shakeysix

blue eyed floozy
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but I am sure that your ode to John Wayne--"That's My Last Duke, There on the Wall" will reclaim your reputation.

I am sorry that the cabbage in your pupusa has fermented but ...
 

CDSinex

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slap a hot dog on it and serve it at tonight's BBQ.

I'm sorry that someone stole your low-mileage-lease car and drove it cross country.
 

shakeysix

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But I think it is up on blocks in the cow pasture across from my house. Too bad about the tires but the confederate flag, the Mexican Hat Dance klaxon and the coyote hunting searchlights are a real attention grabber. I'm sure the leasing company will appreciate the reno.

I'm sorry that the stray you have been feeding turns out to be a rabid bobcat but …
 

Nymtoc

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...if it nibbles on you, and if you start to experience tremors or something, it's probably too late for treatment--rabies in humans is almost always fatal--but I suggest you check in at a hospital ER anyway. Good luck!

I'm sorry I put the piranhas in your swimming pool, but...
 

shakeysix

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this will certainly discourage you from swimming without your trunks.

I'm sorry that your latest Times article-- Sarah Huckabee Sanders Tells It Like It Is--is getting you death threats but …
 

Nerdilydone

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...the "threats" are just people flirting with you.

I'm sorry I stole your birthday cake, but...
 

Nymtoc

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...my dog likes chocolate.

I'm sorry your house disappeared into a sinkhole, but...