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Thread: The AW Masnavi

  1. #1
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    The AW Masnavi

    The masnavi is a poetic form of Ottoman/Persian origin. Its theme is usually of a spiritual nature. One of the better known is the Masnavi-i Ma’navi of Rumi, which consist of more than 25000 couplets. An abridged version translated by E.H. Whinfield, (1898) (this translation doesn’t rhyme, it is a literal translation).
    The masnavi form consists of an indefinite number of couplets and follows the rhyme scheme aa/bb/cc/dd etc.

    I thought we could build one ourselves, using the line structure of 10 syllables. We can each write 8 lines following the same or similar theme and see where it gets us. Anyone interested?

    I’ll begin:

    I shall repent and kneel to that shimmer,
    Holding my faith within twisted glimmers
    Of a candle burning in my lone light
    To cast off the sinful curl of the night.
    I shall breathe a tasteful air of the lord,
    Never striking the sole angelic chord
    Of my distraught, solemn ivory bone,
    Instead hark measured words spoken as moans.
    Last edited by kborsden; 03-02-2007 at 04:07 PM.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  2. #2
    banned as an incurable tosspot davids's Avatar
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    I sat forward the orchestra behind
    God's praises to sing although I was blind
    His grace filled the hearts in praise
    My soul was empty my faith in sad haze
    To have such a gift given to me
    Never giving as God did decree
    I spat in His Face to deny sweet truth
    That blessing He gave, aloft and aloof

    That is the best I can do K-I sat in many cathedrals in this world full of booze and self pity-but mostly fear. To be one of the male soloists in the Verdi Requim or Beethoven's seventh and to be paid well and to be thinking only of the next drink or is not this such sweet bullshit is truly spitting in the face of the gift I was so blessed with-this is perhaps not the correct form-you know I am a poetic illiterate but at least it is the truth and the best I can offer-hope some others come up with some good stuff that is more of what you wish-but at least I tried and what a great idea-probably should not share this with anyone I s'pose-I am not bitching about my life it is pretty damn good but at least now I can be greatful and relatively sober-Dave

  3. #3
    may b playn 2 a dif drumr poetic peony's Avatar
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    This was a first for me, I think.

    Up in the lofty air I breathe the smoke
    That devils from below me never choke
    While crusted eyes squint at brightest heaven
    My skin peels and chars as darkest raven
    My dim eyes cannot look into the light
    Painful, seeping, longing for blackest night
    To take away the burdens that I've born
    Return me to a place where I can mourn

  4. #4
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    A place inside my skull, wrought hoary stone
    Lined in presence of a skeletal throne,
    Sat upon by demonic, evil ghosts,
    My errant, corrupted, selfish lost host.
    I speak the word of faithful man and child,
    My forlorn conviction missing in time.
    Take this dagger from my own dragon heart,
    Take and cleanse my soul from its weary start.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  5. #5
    may b playn 2 a dif drumr poetic peony's Avatar
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    Far below stretch miles of harried minions
    Sound defining shouts of their opinions
    Angered, turned to gaze on the scene, repulsed
    Rage without reason, mind purely convulsed
    I, keeper to the evils reputed
    Absent intergrity convoluted
    From Inferno's bowels reached up and bitten
    Cast aside all hope as it was written

  6. #6
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    Was I able to change these livid ways,
    The mind of many together enraged,
    A final war of repressed, spiteful love,
    Calling on for my saviour, a white dove.
    If peace is kept within my leery eyes,
    Then I must not dismay, but bide my time.
    For love is an unsung hymn of the true,
    My obsessive nature for only you.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  7. #7
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    The doctrine of hope may be seen in grace,
    But my own mirrored emotion, my face,
    Is a cracked spiral of divine scripture,
    A predacious loathing of the rapture.
    He speaks of vows, virtuous faiths of truth,
    My ears hear only dissent words uncouth.
    Am I a sinner saint of evil men,
    My soul black, cold and reaped to Satanís den?
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  8. #8
    con∑ver∑sa∑tion∑al∑ist Ganesha's Avatar
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    that I love thee more than me, I detest
    illuminated spirits manifest
    rolling in prayers and penitence I am free
    sweetly my sins have been told unto thee
    I am quieted and lay in fallow ruts
    lurking in my city with tiny huts
    I rest at best with a frog in my throat
    dreaming of flies and mosquitoes I dote
    If I'd had more time, I'd have written a shorter letter. Mark Twain

  9. #9
    is this how it ends? SuperModerator poetinahat's Avatar
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    I lurch and straggle on this path alone,
    a crippled beetle on a bloody stone:
    the first and second simple steps I take
    draw taut the chain from abdomen to stake.
    The life I knew was happy ere I woke,
    in sleep, a swan: awake, a Kafka joke.
    Exhausted now, I pray for grace of death,
    or music: strains of Locomotive Breath.
    Last edited by poetinahat; 03-02-2007 at 05:19 AM. Reason: re-write for ten syllables, not eight

  10. #10
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    My passions bleed, lifeless indifference,
    My ill-gotten gains, loathing in abstinence.
    Denial of His name, denial of His love,
    A crushing valour of gauntlets, my glove.
    My unspoken arduous trails of hate
    Have led me astray from that hallowed gate.
    Perusing the holy word of my kin,
    I develop welts, lacerated skin.
    Last edited by kborsden; 03-03-2007 at 07:55 AM.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  11. #11
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    My eyes are coal, dull, dark and oblique stones,
    Blind to sights of angelic, secure homes
    Where nymphs dance, bathed in heavenly romance,
    Their movements harmoniously enhanced.
    I speak of visions blocked, stolen, kept from my heel,
    I am but wistful, reflecting dead yield,
    Forsaken, abused, misused by my hand
    As time ticks on, hours of gold and white sand.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  12. #12
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    The light of yesterday weighs heavy now,
    I stand to walk but am lame, forced to bow.
    My pose submissive, my stature depletes,
    Reduced to washing the unwashed, foul feet
    Of demons and devils, my remembrance.
    Personified trance throughout reverence
    And dream in broken satire of my realm,
    No living being to work, man the helm.

    (this is getting a bit too dark. Please, people, jump in any time! Make this thing a bit less tainted!)
    Last edited by kborsden; 03-03-2007 at 07:55 AM.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  13. #13
    may b playn 2 a dif drumr poetic peony's Avatar
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    When eyes do awaken to see the screen
    I may come up with something not so mean
    But right now my poor eyes are sagging bad
    And canyonesque yawns seem all that I had
    Talented feat to think of even this
    Syllabuls I've forgotten -what'd I miss
    So sleep, with angles singing sweet strain
    With angels kicking in a calm refrain


  14. #14
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poetic peony View Post
    When eyes do awaken to see the screen
    I may come up with something not so mean
    But right now my poor eyes are sagging bad
    And canyonesque yawns seem all that I had
    Talented feat to think of even this
    Syllabuls I've forgotten -what'd I miss
    So sleep, with angles singing sweet strain
    With angels kicking in a calm refrain

    OK...it is lighter and quite amusing, not exactly fitted to the rest of the poem and doesn't sit right with the other couplets, but it is lighter.

    I'll write something to turn it around.

    Kie
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  15. #15
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    Despite the anger, torment and torture
    Of the depths of eternal blood ruptures,
    The flames that lick, flicker with cold desire
    To help me climb from undying hellfire.
    A stroke of madness, genius pleasure
    In fading atrophy and found treasures
    Of cherubic, blessed and seraphic war,
    Glee and smiles, laughter, amusement and more.
    Last edited by kborsden; 03-04-2007 at 02:45 AM.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  16. #16
    King of Sloth Town ddgryphon's Avatar
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    Okay--I hope I've gotten us moving somewhat--we're a little fixed in place and spinning our wheels:

    I feel ev'ry step a weight of dull lead
    I feel ev'ry sound harsh drums in my head
    onward I strive beyond pain and measure
    seeking holy water: life and treasure
    blessings burned on my tongue as I murmur
    slogging through fire I seek a perch firmer
    desperate flight I seek a distant shore
    far from this ill-blown, dark season of war
    Last edited by ddgryphon; 03-03-2007 at 09:54 PM. Reason: weak scansion
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  17. #17
    Scars are poems too LimeyDawg's Avatar
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    What will I find beneath the banner’s cross?
    Rewards sufficient, salves to ease my loss?
    What plunder will adorn the armored soul
    At siege’s end above the sulfered hole.
    Salvation’s promise is a pyrite lie
    Plunder for the saved, booty paid on high.
    For those who go unwilling to the fray
    Will stoke the hellfire forges for their pay.

  18. #18
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    An eclipse of moon, of reason and wake,
    A shallow, gaping, cavernous, deep lake;
    This my grave, my place of final rest,
    A place of sleep, where nightmares, horrors press
    And lay down to sweet melodious tunes
    Of harmonies sung beyond embankment dunes
    By those splendorous beauties beyond hills
    Of filtered pain, sifted to raging thrills.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  19. #19
    Scars are poems too LimeyDawg's Avatar
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    Will I, upon angelic trumpets blast
    Be set at that reward, or cruelly cast
    Out from those fair meadows, to be broken
    For lust or envy, burned for a spoken
    Curse cast at this gate in passion’s hot grip,
    To beg eternal mercies from these lips
    That filled the years between moments of sin
    With praise for Your glory everlasting?
    Last edited by LimeyDawg; 03-04-2007 at 04:25 AM. Reason: had to move some furniture around

  20. #20
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    Moments cast or sculpted in ancient stone,
    Primeval, primordial gut and groan,
    Tilted words of slanted lies, debris drifts,
    Floating, sinking, aborted in its thrift.
    So many words, so much deceit, broken
    Ties, family binds of faith in tokens
    Of unsung songs, truths, respite in danger,
    Unborn child pre-destined for a manger.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  21. #21
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    Enter new hope, chance, glorious Eden.
    Destination, pharisaic garden
    Of blossoming, flourishing colour bright,
    A kaleidoscopic burst of new life.
    This neo-paradise parasitic
    Devours the sinful anti-idyllic
    Thoughts and dreams of harmonic atrophy:
    Remainder of my wretched sympathies.

    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  22. #22
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    Compassion, empathy--vows, passive lust,
    Compressed loyalty, apathy and trust
    In a champion of fantasyís rule
    Who battles evils, blood-thirsty duels.
    A passionate kiss of rejoice and mirth,
    He stands a victor, enemy in dirt.
    This dream I dream with each passing full moon,
    The defender is me, released from gloom.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  23. #23
    musker vyusher Beyondian's Avatar
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    Though the darkening storms of life's hell churn
    In a seething mass that hates, envies, burns
    Smothering all else, breeding as it kills
    Creating death, pointless lustreless lulls
    That sweep the gloss from earth's shimmering charms
    Pandora's box opens, the troubles swarm
    And yet... And yet... hope, faith, peace, are alight
    A triple-edged sword slaying eternal night
    Yes... the avatar is not me. It is Audrey Hepburn.

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    Early Frost - Novel. Rewrite underway. 17 chapters of rewrite and counting. World building being researched intently.

    A Black and White Man - Pierrot and Red Riding Hood ganging up on me. Notes, research, and a short story so obscure no one understands it.

  24. #24
    Has a few recurring issues kborsden's Avatar
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    Cast away is the shroud of darkened gloom,
    As the curtain rips, the ribbon entombed
    In stark light, white and piercing, holy, bright,
    Devastating those beings, evil sprites.
    Hurriedly, they scurry, flee, absconding,
    Escaping truths of their pained belonging.
    Purged of wrong and converted to essence,
    The inner-self reveals its true presence.
    Kieran Borsden
    "to be born Welsh, is to be born--not with a silver spoon in your mouth, but with song in your heart, and poetry in your soul"



    -->Read Me


    Got to write an Englyn or 2

  25. #25
    con∑ver∑sa∑tion∑al∑ist Ganesha's Avatar
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    Long arched shadows stretched thinner with time's edge
    O'le broken bodies hobble cobbled ledge
    Viper fanged death hides beneath pretty smile
    Ethers call solemn ringing so vile
    This is your time, I am here to take you
    Her laughter echos through churches dark pew
    I look up to luscious black wing's tight fist
    Soon I will join you lover, my last tryst
    Last edited by Ganesha; 03-06-2007 at 07:31 AM.
    If I'd had more time, I'd have written a shorter letter. Mark Twain

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