BS your way through

Silver King

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What is the Crocodile Rock, exactly, and how do you "do" it?
The dance was perfected by Elton John and consists mainly of prancing on stage wearing gaudy glasses while a live crocodile continually snaps at your backside. If you stop moving and the croc gets you, as the man says, "I never knew me a better time, and I guess I never will..."

While we're on the topic of music, who wrote the book of love?
 

TrainofThought

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While we're on the topic of music, who wrote the book of love?
I did using an outrageous name to avoid being tracked. My friends and family asked for love advice, so I wrote out my responses and published the book.

Why doesn’t Earth have a ring around it like Saturn?
 

Silver King

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Why doesn’t Earth have a ring around it like Saturn?
Each time the Space Shuttle is launched, a huge payload of Tidy Bowl is on board. The cleanser is released while the space craft orbits the earth to clean the unsightly stain. A mission to Saturn was announced recently to dissolve its ring using the same method.

If the universe is forever expanding, what happens when it runs out of room?
 

CBeasy

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Actually, the universe will eventually round back on itself until it all collides into one mass until it becomes too condensed, which will result in another big bang.

Why do Americans drive on the opposite side of the road as the English?
 

endless

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Americans drive on the opposite side of the road from the Brits because all British cars are made backwards. This stems from one engineer, a dyslexic, who traced the plans the way he saw them -- backwards -- and this started a trend that continues to this day. British roads are built from the end to the start, as well as on the wrong side. They also tried this with building construction, with rather limited success.

Why are operatic sopranos pictured as overweight in cartoons?
 
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JeanneTGC

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Operatic sopranos are pictured as heavy in cartoons because in reality, all sopranos are skinny little twigs. However, the Operatic Standards Society deemed in 1687 that all sopranos, regardless of sex, MUST be heavy. Anyone either being or depicting a soprano who was not heavy was immediately executed by someone playing Wagner 24/7. Most died within hours. The OSS has relaxed its rules a bit, but most cartoonists don't make enough money to handle the lawsuits, so they continue to show sopranos as heavy.

Why do fools fall in love?
 

truelyana

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Fools fall in love because its a trickery of the mind. As neuro-chemicals that fuel the brains built in reward system triggers, the brain releases dopamine using the desire for sex. Serotonin levels plumet, creating that 'cant live with you' feeling. The attachment chemicals also kick in at this stage, and you either go with it, or disregard it. It's more of an illusion, than anything. Love is only an emotion and the 'in love' experience temporarily meets that need. In other words, it's an an emotional obsession and it's fiction rather than fact. Falling 'in love' is not an act of the will or a conscious choice, it is not real love neither because, its effortless and the 'in love' experience does not focus on our own growth and the growth and development of the other person involved. So, thats all the reasons why, and its easy to fall 'in love' with someone so quickly, as falling 'out of love' and re-continuing the cycle of addictiviness.

There you go, my own interpretation

Where do the words that we talk, come from?
 

JeanneTGC

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The words we "talk" come from the great Speechometer, circa 1582. Created by Benzaclear Monks, it formulated all the words necessary and put them out into the world. All new words, such as "SexyBack" or "Dawg" come from the Speechometer. It's location is, sadly, a well-guarded secret.

If I think, does that mean I am?
 

MidnightMuse

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Technically, if you THINK, it doesn't mean that you "am" but rather that you "are woman." It's a common misconception attributed to the quote: "Behind every great man, is a woman doing his work, cleaning his house, paying his bills, washing his laundry, cooking his food, walking his dog, keeping him happy. I think I need a woman."

Through the years, it was shortened to: I think (therefore I need a woman) and I am (going to go get me one).

As you can see, it's been bastardized to merely: I think, therefore I am.


What I need to know is - Why do tires have air inside, instead of being solid rubber?
 

JeanneTGC

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Tires actually don't have air inside them, either. They are hollow, because that's where the squirrels, who actually power your car by running on many little wheels that are hidden in the engine block, sleep when you're not driving. The squirrels make the car go so fast that it's propelled without ever actually touching the ground. The tires just make it LOOK like it's touching the ground. So, be careful of how you dispose of an old tire, because your car-squirrel could be asleep in it.

But, I need to know -- who said "to be or not to be" and what was he talking about?
 
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Ol' Fashioned Girl

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Jeanne, this ties in with MidnightMuse's explanation for 'I think, therefore I am.'.

Consensus believes 'To be or not to be' relates to contemplation of suicide but those 'in the know' know it's truly the soul searching every young woman must go through before deciding to actually BE a woman and take on all the rights, privileges and responsibilities appertaining thereto. Shakespeare's mother related her personal coming of age story to her son and was himself pondering the question when he was inspired to write it into 'Hamlet' - only he switched the gender of the speaker, dropped the references to being a woman and ended up with one of the most well-known soliloquies in literature.

But what's the story behind those Nazca Lines?
 

JeanneTGC

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The Nazca Lines relate to ancient Mayan and Incan myths. Nazca was the Goddess of Power and Fertility for both races. Nazca Lines are what some today call "The Happy Trail"...the line of fur that leads from a man's stomach to his groinal regions.

But, why is the mascot for happiness a bluebird, and how do you know you've spotted the right one?
 

David McAfee

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Actually, that's a trick question. The official UN mascot for happiness is in reality the spotted pygmy hyena. These 5 inch canids are so happy they frequently die of overexcitment before the reach the mating age. It's a sad, sad thing to see.

How do you know if you've spotted the right one? The truth is, you are very unlikely to spot a pygmy hyena. The little guys are masters at camoflage. Even more amazing is they're incredibly prolific and can be found just about anywhere. In fact, odds are good there's a tiny spotted pygmy hyena hiding under your desk right now, living off the crumbs you drop when you raid your snack drawer.



So....does the light REALLY go go out when you close the refrigerator door?
 

MidnightMuse

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Not only does the light NOT go go out, but while the door is closed - those sounds they told you were the ice maker - are really being made by your dethawed chicken cutlets doing the go go. Sometimes the mayo plays Karaoke, other times the sliced cheese plays "bull ring" with the pickles. It's a party in there, and you're not invited.

What I'd like to know is - what's the best F-stop for outdoor landscape photography?
 

JeanneTGC

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The best F-stop for outdoor photography is always 250. For indoor it's 500. For while you're in a moving vehicle it's 1000.

But, if you're using a digital phone, then you have to hit the * and # keys at the same time, then hit your F-stop of choice on the keypad, and THEN snap your shot. But it'll come out as good as any 34mm that way.

But, I need to know -- why do I, personally, get so much spam email?
 

Ol' Fashioned Girl

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JeanneTGC, I'm SO sorry no one's answered your question! I read it day-before-yesterday and thought surely someone would beat me to the keyboard.

The reason you get so much spam email is the proliferation of 'progressive email parties' where Spam is served! Believe it or not, here in grassroots America, Spam parties are all the rage! Didn't anyone tell you how to play? You start at one house, forward all the Spam and then at that house, your spam is added to their Spam and both piles are forwarded to the next house, etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum - until there it is in JeanneTGC's box! The results of an exponential progression!

What you have to do now is bundle it all up and forward it to [email protected]... where they'll handle it once and for all.

Yeah. Right. Okay... next question:

What the heck is String Theory?
 

MidnightMuse

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Oh heck, String Theory is an easy one! Simply put: It's a measurement of the amount of needed force - or 'pull' - applied to one single string that will accomplish the complete unravelling of one's sweater. This varies, of course, based on sweater size, yarn thickness, the extent to which said string is already protruding from normal space/time, etc.

It's all very scientific. Very complicated. Very Cosmic.


What I wanna know is . . . Where DO babies come from?
 

JeanneTGC

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Babies come from the Baby Planet, located to the west of the North Star. It's in the same solar system that provides the Dog Planet, the Cat Planet, the Horse Planet, the Small Furred Beasts Planet, the Reptiles & Amphibian Planet, the Bird Planet, and the Planet That Covers Everything Else Odd.

Storks, which are capable of space travel and always have been (denizens of the Bird Planet are good that way), have been bringing babies to Earth for millenia, due to the massive overpopulation of the Baby Planet.

But, what I need to know is, why does Uncle Sam want ME?
 

AnnieColleen

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Same reason he wants MI: because MO and MS are too far south. It's a security thing. Gotta keep that northern border under control.

Why does my hair frizz only on the sides, but looks great underneath?
 

JeanneTGC

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Unbeknownst to you, your hair dresser is actually a part of the underground Frizz Alliance. They work to ensure that all hair frizzes on a daily basis. Their numbers are legion, their methods shrouded in secrecy. They're more tied in than the Masons. Just wait...the back of your hair is going to start frizzing, too, unless you change salons as fast as possible. But then again, they're everywhere, so you could just change from one Frizz Alliance member to another. It's a scary, frizzy world out there.

But I wonder, why do things go better with Coke?
 

endless

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Things go better with coke because the substance generally gets you so hammered you have no idea what would actually go better with much of anything---

Wait a minute. You mean Coke?

Oooo-kay then. Heh, heh. *eep*

Things go better with Coke because after it has rotted out your taste buds, you still don't know what goes with what.

Why do cars that won't start in the winter make that horrid little ree-er-ree-er-re-e-e-e-ee-eer sound?
 

Ol' Fashioned Girl

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To you, endless, that 'horrid little ree-er-ree-er-re-e-e-e-ee-eer sound' is just a mechanical response to your sticking your key in the ignition and turning it in a futile attempt to start your car... a car that, by the way, has already determined it is not going to do as you desire.

That sound you hear is really the sound of auto laughter.

But what is the End of the World and how do we know it hasn't already happened?
 

MidnightMuse

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Technically, it has happened. You see, the "world" is actually round, therefore whenever someone comes to the "end" of it, they're really just starting back up the other side. So once every 12 hours we technically come to "the end" of the world, and then start coming back up the other side. Now, if we were to ever change direction, and try to find the "left" or "right" of the world, then and only then would we truly come to an "end". Mostly we'd all just get so dizzy, we'd fall right off.


What I'd like to have explained is - why is there no truely BLUE food?
 

czjaba

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Because blue food tends to turn our whole mouths blue. Ever eat blueberries, blackberries, or the blue popcicles? Very few women wear blue lipstick as this not on a top 10 list of favorite lip colors.

What I want to know is - What causes the moon to change shapes?
 

Solatium

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For starters, it's not the moon; it's a different one every month. (Haven't you ever heard of a "new moon"?) A giant invisible space amoeba slowly absorbs each moon, then just as slowly excretes it. Passing space dust clings to the excreted matter, creating a new moon for the amoeba to eat.

---

I've heard homogenized milk is bad for you. Why would that be?