BS your way through

choppersmom

---
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 3, 2007
Messages
1,379
Reaction score
1,502
They felt blue, so they took a vacation.

Is it wrong for me to be so excited that my boss is away on an 11-day business trip?
 

C.bronco

I have plans...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
Messages
8,015
Reaction score
3,137
Location
Junior Nation
Website
cynthia-bronco.blogspot.com
"Is it wrong for me to be so excited that my boss is away on an 11-day business trip?"
Not at all. It's the opposite of separation anxiety at work: administrative anxiety. You are experiencing temporary relief.


"Why can't we see the wind?"
It's psychosomatic: Because we innately fear being cold, having our recyclables blow down the street and losing our umbrellas, we choose not to see the wind. It is akin to mass hysteria.

Our feet have soles and arches, and gothic churches have souls and arches. Is this a coincidence?
 

HeronW

Down Under Fan
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
6,398
Reaction score
1,854
Location
Rishon Lezion, Israel
No, because our true spirtual self resides in that part which touches Mother Earth and travels on her. if we misbehave we get ingrown toenails and heelspurs.

Why do cactus have spines?
 

Joycecwilliams

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
2,087
Reaction score
1,808
Location
I'm not telling.
Catus have spines because they live in heat and have to deal with scorpions, rattlesnakes and other pesky critters. If they didn't have a spine to stand up to them they would just lie on the ground, like those inflatable snowmen and Santa's when the air is turned off. :)


How did an organ (the heart) become a symbol of Love?
 

talkwrite

Passion in full bloom
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 27, 2007
Messages
4,200
Reaction score
194
Location
Behind the windmills of your mind
Website
www.linguisticworld.com
This imagery was submitted to the contest judges at the last minute. It quickly overcame the popularity of the foot as submitted by an Italian shoe maker who was left at the altar one too many times. Some blame the foots defeat ( defeet???) on the recent scientific discovery of the all too painful bunions.

Why does a traffic signal use the colors of red for stop, yellow for now hold on there pardner, and green for go?
 

choppersmom

---
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 3, 2007
Messages
1,379
Reaction score
1,502
Because they wanted to match the Christmas lights, like in the song...

"Strings of street lights
Even stop lights
Blink a bright red and greeeeeeeen..."

Why don't I have my new car yet?
 

HeronW

Down Under Fan
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
6,398
Reaction score
1,854
Location
Rishon Lezion, Israel
Because every new car goes through a pre-owner test by a rival car company employee--incognito who makes sure at least 10 things are wrong with it ensuring customer dissatisfaction so that you'll buy another new car from a different manfacturer.

Why do airlines always lose my luggage?
 

Joycecwilliams

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
2,087
Reaction score
1,808
Location
I'm not telling.
It is a goverment plot against you Heron. They figure... why does a bird need clothes? So they take your bags and donate them to the illegal aliens.

Why does the goverment tell us what kind of TV we can watch (High Def) and what kind of light bulbs we can use?
 

Nymtoc

Benefactor Member
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
Messages
43,833
Reaction score
3,366
Location
Between the lines
Because we are not smart enough to make those decisions for ourselves. Didn't you get the memo?

:D

What's the best way to stay warm in winter?
 

choppersmom

---
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 3, 2007
Messages
1,379
Reaction score
1,502
Cuddling with quickWit. ;)

Why don't more men admit they like to cuddle?
 

HeronW

Down Under Fan
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
6,398
Reaction score
1,854
Location
Rishon Lezion, Israel
Because cuddling with barn animals is still frowned upon except in the Hebrides at 30 below zero.

Why do we always talk about procrastination later?
 

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
Uh...do you mind if that question is answered some later? :D


Why is a certain form of jazz called Blues? Why isn't it called Purples or some other color?
 

Nymtoc

Benefactor Member
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
Messages
43,833
Reaction score
3,366
Location
Between the lines
Your ignorance of musical forms is somewhat troubling. The blues are, of course, an important and storied part of our musical heritage, but you appear to be completely oblivious of the reds, lavenders and oranges.

There is not sufficient room here to go into these musical forms in detail (see Malcolm W. Cornett, Multicolored Music, Simon & Schuster, NY, 1922; and Ralph J. Pimpleforth, My Mammy Sang the Oranges, Bluth & Grabble, Miami, 1945.)

Most shocking, I find, is that you seem not to be familiar with the greens, which many cleaning women have sung while mopping the floors of rich people. An example:

"I got the wring-wrung greens,
I'm as green as I can be.
I got the wring-wrung greens,
I'm as green as I can be.
My man done went and left me,
I'm greener than the deep-green sea."

:D

Why do people throw confetti, when it only litters the streets?
 

HeronW

Down Under Fan
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
6,398
Reaction score
1,854
Location
Rishon Lezion, Israel
interrupting my jazz-filled moment with Nymtoc...

As a form of celebration, tossing confetti is like breaking champagne over the bow of a new ship--both old forms of a sacrifice when a new ship's keel was wet with the blood of a living person to appease Neptune. The heads of the enemy dead were tossed during a victory parade to show how far barbarian heads would go before ending up splat. Both tossing confetti and playing tiddlywinks revive the old confetti custom with a bit less mess.

Now back to jazz with nymtoc...

Why do we yell, 'Neener Neener' to tease?
 
Last edited:

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
That's not the way that the mafia boss, Vito Mortadella saw it. Shredding records of shady business transactions and dumping them onto the street was always a prudent method of accounting. It was also an effective way of killing off his enemies and disposing of the evidence. This was proven when Mortadella fed one of his rivals, Luigi Confetti (hence the name) through a shredder and scattered his remains onto the Macy's Santa Claus parade.


Why isn't there a parade held for every occasion, such as Ground Hog Day?
 

HeronW

Down Under Fan
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
6,398
Reaction score
1,854
Location
Rishon Lezion, Israel
Because shredding groundhogs for the confetti is reallllly messy.

Why do we yell, 'Neener Neener' to tease?
 

Nymtoc

Benefactor Member
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
Messages
43,833
Reaction score
3,366
Location
Between the lines
I've never heard "neener neener" and had to Google to find out what it means. Regional differences, I suppose, or maybe we live on different planets.

Anyway (trying to answer), we yell "neener neener" because it's easier to say than "Observe. I am in the process of demonstrating that I am superior to you. Ha, ha, ha."

:poke:

Why do we use the same word for a nail that one hammers and a nail on one's finger or toe? Doesn't this lead to confusion?
 

AnnieColleen

Invisible Writer
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 1, 2006
Messages
4,355
Reaction score
1,392
Location
Texas
Because nails on one's fingers frequently get hammered, too. (Nails on the toes, not so much, but certain specialists do master that skill as well.)

Why won't Windows Media and iTunes play nice together?
 

andrewhollinger

practical experience, FTW
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
306
Reaction score
35
Location
Texas
Website
www.andrewhollinger.com
Like, duh, they so totally will. Get Leopard OS and everything will be fine. But that's a Mac and everything's easier on a Mac. ;)

But more actually is probably because Steve Jobs tried to get a job at Microsoft and was denied. Ever since then it was been a nerd war that makes even the most ardent D&D player quake.



Why is it always that 60 seconds before REM sleep that my wife needs to know whether I locked the front door?
 

HeronW

Down Under Fan
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
6,398
Reaction score
1,854
Location
Rishon Lezion, Israel
Your wife is actually saving your life! Not by having you check the front door but the action of moving your sleep-starved mind ito action whilst getting out of a nice warm bed forcing your body to exercise, produce heat, motion, and at least one cognizant thought. This will serve you over the long haul in offsetting senility, heart disease, prostate problems, and the fear of the dark.

Considering the dreck on 99% of TV, why again are the screenwriters on strike?
 

Joycecwilliams

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
2,087
Reaction score
1,808
Location
I'm not telling.
The screenwriters are on strike to call attention to all the dreck on TV.... they are hoping that it goes on for so long... that people will think they really do write good programs. :)

Why do polititians think that visiting people door to door, or shaking their hand will win votes? If that was the case I would vote for my neighbor. :)
 

HeronW

Down Under Fan
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
6,398
Reaction score
1,854
Location
Rishon Lezion, Israel
You can charge all you want but collecting it will be impossible unless you have those photos of the candidate with the negatives hidden in a lockbox. This can all be moot if the candidate doesn't win.

Can the losing candidate be buried in talkwrite's yard?
 

Nymtoc

Benefactor Member
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
Messages
43,833
Reaction score
3,366
Location
Between the lines
No, the losing candidate will live on but must spend the rest of his/her life as Talkwrite's yardman.

:e2hammer:

If a chip could be implanted in your brain to make you smarter, would you go for it?