BS your way through

I'd choose neither.....I'm an individual. So there.

If you could choose whether to die in a hot climate, or cold climate......which one? (An actual question at the Army survival school 30 years ago).

Since it's 30 years later, did you change your mind?



Who would win in a fist fight? Smurfette of Grumpy, of the seven dwarves?

Neither--it would be Grouchy Smurf.

Which comes first, A or 1?

If you're referring to A1 steak sauce, then A, obviously.

If you have a dragon's horde of treasure in the middle of nowhere with armies after you, how do you safely get it all back home?

You move to the middle of nowhere.


Why is there never enough hot water?

Oh, there’s always enough hot water around. Just ask the multitude of people who are in it.


What’s the best way to exit said hot water?

Stage left.


What is the greatest question of all?

The one you ask yourself when you wake up in the middle of the night.

Is there any beer in Heaven?

Yeah, but it's all light beer. The hard liquor's in hell.


I want to be the person who names paint colors. How do I get that job?

As a former paint store employee, I speak with authority on this. Think up ten of the most uninformative names for colors possible, such as Reputation, Squeak, Rasmussen, Ball Park etc., submit them with your resume and you'll probably be hired instantly.

What exactly are quarks?

Quarks are a filliment of your hallucination. They have never been observed, but theories on their existance have supposedly been proven, and we all know theory looks best on paper.


How small are sub sub subatomic particles?

They are really, really, really small.

Do phones have personalities?

Sort of, in a split manner of cellular interpretation—for some the short-range fabric bisects humanity from civility. For others, it is the only way to govern.


Why do apps want access to voice, location, and images… everything that seems unrelated to the app’s function? What next: Prick your finger and drop your DNA sample into the mic?

Ahhh, it's some real Big Brother type shit. They claim it's to gelp better target advertising, but they just want to spy on you so they can report back to whomever is responsible for you (or just to the last person you wanted to know) just how many Long Island ice teas you really had.


Do sex workers, where legal, have to charge sales tax?

The expression "selling your body" is a euphemism. It's really just a short-term rental. Hence, no.

A sheet of paper weighs virtually nothing. So why does carrying a case of 5000 times nothing make my back scream?

You have a back that can scream? You must be a really interesting date.



Why do people insist on attempting things they already know they can't do?

Because Hope Springs Eternal. (Or is it external? Something like that... )

Why is my phone always screwing up?

Operator error.

Why does it seem like my cellphone is stalking me?

That's funny, your cell phone just texted me the same question about you.

Why were sailing ships' figureheads typically women?

They weren't just women, and they weren't carved figureheads. They were Ex Wives. Some guys really hold a grudge.(That's a fate too good for my Ex though.)


This one may be a little delicate...
My mother was a neonatal specialist in her professional life. She was the one who reviewed all those L and D films they show first time expectant mothers. As a result, I had to watch a few with her as she monopolized the VCR. My question is why the hell would a woman go through child birth once, let alone multiple times, and do it voluntarily?

Hell, that's easy.....women are bat crazy.

Now, are men more crazy for hooking up with women, knowing that women are just crazy....?

Men are more crazy, period. No qualifiers required.

If the first day of summer is the longest day of the year, why does it still have only 24 hours?

Are you sure it's only 24 hours and not some X-files thing where government mind control rays have you thinking it's 24 hours?


How long do bruised ribs take to heal? I'm getting tired of this crap.

However long it takes for Eve to get over the slight.


How many ribs would take for a man to endure childbirth—without drugs?

All of them, I think, plus the drugs, and a bottle of scotch, and the complete loss of faculties.


Of the current selection, what's the best?