BS your way through

Why do you think there is that much dryer lint? Every time you do laundry your dryer will unravel a single sock as your sacrifice for the work it's doing. It then makes you clean out your own sock's remains to clearly establish your lowly position in the hierarchy in the laundry room.

Why are so many people terrified of spiders?

In a parallel universe, 10-tonne spiders prey on human beings. We are subconsciously connected to this universe.

Why is fire hot?

Because it can't help it.

Why haven't I ever been seized by aliens and taken aboard a spaceship?

Because the most aliens are too polite to do that.

Why do people enjoy consuming copious quantities of mind-altering drugs?

Because most people's minds are a poor fit and require copious alteration to avoid dragging on the ground.

Why isn't Pluto a planet?

Because it would rather be King of the Kuiper Belt.

Why do idiots succeed, while geniuses are left by the side of the road?

Two reasons:

1. Genius is rare. Since no one will buy a thing they cannot comprehend, the works of a genius are simply unmarketable.

2. A B C always comes before x y z. Thus, a simple-minded person has the advantage of greater advertising.

Of course, being very, very, very intelligent, a genius possesses the ability to understand everything, including that which is necessary to achieve success in any situation. A genius by the side of the road must therefore desire to be there.


Why can't humans understand the language of the dumber animals who understand the language of humans?

Because the animals don't know how to teach us.

Why do historical movies never seem to be as historically accurate as they should be?

Because they would be so tedious that people would doze off and wouldn't buy popcorn.

Can you teach a chimpanzee to play tennis?

There's no need. It was chimpanzees who invented the game of tennis, which they played with all enthusiasm for about a decade before becoming bored. Jane Goodall happened to be present for the final match. She captured it on video and mailed the tape to a friend in Wimbledon.

Why is there a high level of variation in the life expectancy of animals?

Because some ‘other’ being has hedged their bet and wants to make sure the best animal wins. A tasty hint of immortality is an excellent strategic move to up the motivation of game pawns to survive by causing the extinction of all other players. Don’t ya think?


How much game advantage should we give AI?

My SO calls BS on AI game advantage. A BA on one's CV s/b OK for preventing nervous BO when challenging the MO of an ET equivalent.

Why haven't marsupials learned that they can carry things besides offspring in their pockets?

They do. They used to carry paperback books and things, but today they can carry so much more--cell phones and other useful electronic objects. The reason you don't know this is that you base your knowledge on dusty old books and don't pay attention to what is right before your eyes.

What color is suspicion?

It's different for everyone—and every instance—depending on a variety of factors, including but not limited to age, experience, exposure, diet, hair length, freckle placement, orientation...

For instance, a young person with no experience, limited exposure, a healthy diet, long hair, freckles on their shoulders and facing into the sun will see suspicion as bright.

Why are there six strings on a guitar?

Because 5 strings would make it a banjo, 7 a guqin, 8 a mandolin, 9 a cittern, and 10 the minimum number of dimensions in the universe according to superstring theory. (Oh, and 230 strings would make it a piano.)


Why is butter yellow?

Because it's COWardly.
(Real answer: Dairy producers often put artificial yellow in butter, which may be too pale to please customers.)

Should readers of mysteries be punished if they turn to the last page to find out whodunnit before reading the whole book?

(Har har. And summer butter, when the cows are out in the sun, is yellower than winter butter, when the cows are mostly shut in the barn.)

No, because they are already punished by the vast amount of money they have to spend on books, since after reading the ending there is little point in reading the preceding story--time for a new book.

Mary Mitchell said:

(Har har. And summer butter, when the cows are out in the sun, is yellower than winter butter, when the cows are mostly shut in the barn.)

No, because they are already punished by the vast amount of money they have to spend on books, since after reading the ending there is little point in reading the preceding story--time for a new book.

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What's wrong with this picture?

Bloopographer said:

What's wrong with this picture?

Click to expand...

Oops.

Why wouldn't fire breathing dragons end up cooking themselves?

Mary Mitchell said:

Oops.

Why wouldn't fire breathing dragons end up cooking themselves?

Click to expand...

Because they have internal ceramic padding.

Why are killer whales black and white?

Because when God created them, he hadn't invented colors yet.

Why do dogs thump their leg when a certain spot on their back is scratched?

Call it a bio-glitch. Directly underneath the certain spot—beneath its hide—lies a kill switch, a remnant from ancient times when dogs were marine animals. Scratching this spot causes a dog to attempt to flee, using the leg which still thinks it's a fin.

Why is September the ninth month instead of the seventh?

Because people love messing with pedantic people.

Why can't I get a better immune system?

Because they're not selling any in the inter-dimensional market right now.

Where did Pluto go?

It's going on strike because of the lack of recognition as a planet.

Why does my hair never respond to combing?