BS your way through

Solar cars were built and operated with great success years ago, so Big Oil immediately bought out the patents, destroyed all prototypes and paid off or eliminated anyone with knowledge of the project. I'm in hiding from them—I can't be bought!

Where and when did the term "Uglier than a mud fence" originate?

The term "uglier than a mud fence" originated when my ugly cousin Martha was put under a spell by a Wiccan priestess that, literally, turned her into a muddy fence. There's an X-Files episode based on this event. It's called "Wood".


Why can't I buy a gift card to WalMart with my gift card for Target?

There is an exclusivity requiring gift cards to be utilized unilaterally as categorically designated, notwithstanding precedent of the organizational flowchart as dictated by corporate doctrine as put forth in the original charter. This does not preclude gift cards falling under the marketing requirements and as controlled by state and local laws.

Why can't internet service providers understand their own contractual terms?

because their momma is so stupid, she tripped over a wireless network.

what does the sun think about us?

The Sun loves us and gives great thought to us and our welfare, and when we are at our best is when the Sun has that big smile.

What are the top five best cars on the market?

Pinto, Studebaker,'76 Monte Carlo, Sunbird and Ford Flex.

Why am I still getting mosquito bites?

Those bites aren't coming from real mosquitoes; they are from drones being tested by the government.

Why don't they make narrow shoes anymore?

Few people have slim feet these days because it is an after effect of Honey Boo Boo.

How many feats make a metric ton?

The preferred term is feet for the plural, and how many make a ton really depends how big the feet are. My ex-mother-in-law had huge feet, and I'll bet it wouldn't have taken many that size to add up real quick.

Who should play Tony Soprano in the series remake?

Larry the Cable Guy. It will add a new twist to the plot, including annual fish fries and mudding.

Why does popular culture romanticize violence?

C.bronco said:

Larry the Cable Guy. It will add a new twist to the plot, including annual fish fries and mudding.

Why does popular culture romanticize violence?

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Did I kill this beloved thread?

Yes, you killed it. Memorial services will be held tomorrow night at the Stumble Inn, in Podunk, where we will all sing "99 Bottles of Beer." Then we will create another thread with the same name and nobody will know the difference.

When will politicians start treating voters like intelligent citizens?

Not until 1999, because that is what the artist formerly known as Prince predicted, wisely.

If I have three truffles and four wild boars, does anyone win?

The Jabberwock wins.

Why do flowers wilt when a ghost enters the room?

When a ghost enters the room, flowers wilt because ghosts emanate a gas called "ghosborium". This gas is odorless and tasteless to humans, but flowers react to it because ghosborium absorbs carbon dioxide. Essentially, a ghost will suffocate a flower. If the ghost leaves the room quickly enough, the flower will recover. If they hang around...well, your flower will become a ghost, too.

What made the ancients decide to call the color "green", "green"? Why wasn't it called purple? Or something else, like fluzgibbet?

Angela said:

When a ghost enters the room, flowers wilt because ghosts emanate a gas called "ghosborium". This gas is odorless and tasteless to humans, but flowers react to it because ghosborium absorbs carbon dioxide. Essentially, a ghost will suffocate a flower. If the ghost leaves the room quickly enough, the flower will recover. If they hang around...well, your flower will become a ghost, too.

What made the ancients decide to call the color "green", "green"? Why wasn't it called purple? Or something else, like fluzgibbet?

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Pixies, basically.

Pixies are really finickity when it comes to color. They make Pantone swatches look like pamphlets. They have colors like "the green your grass goes in late summer after a thunderstorm", and "the green your grass goes in late summer after a light drizzle".

They're also rather grass fixated.

Anyway -- green is the Pixie word for the color. It came into common usage during the debacle of King Ro's Coronation (2800 BC), when, after 17 interior designers were summarily executed for poor color coordination choices, Pixie advisors were quietly called in. They introduced the King to the word green (it hadn't existed prior to that).



Why are honey badgers so ferocious?

Honey, badgers have self-esteem issues. They are always on the defensive, and can't handle situations such as, "Hey, let's get chili dogs on the waterfront!" Immediately, they feel threatened by dogs in cold weather. Sadly, they miss out.

What is the best chilidog? Slaw or no slaw?

C.bronco said:

What is the best chilidog? Slaw or no slaw?

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This was definitively settled for all time in Amarillo, Texas at the last chilidog symposium of the CFOA (Chilidog Federation Of America). A denizen of Massachusetts was visiting and started a riot when she added slaw to her chilidog in public. It took half the resources of the Amarillo PD and FD. The governor was moments away from calling out the National Guard, when the president of the Federation sacrificed his life to detonate the altered chilidog. After a day of mourning, they passed a resolution that henceforth, slaw was banned by all members.

Why are UFO's unidentified?

T Robinson said:

Why are UFO's unidentified?

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At one point in time, they actually weren't. The citizens of Atlantis knew which ships belonged to which aliens, (since they were also from one of those advanced races) so they had no need to call them "unidentified". They had an extensive library which identified not only the alien race each ship belonged to, but the names of each ship's captain. Unfortunately, the library of Atlantis was destroyed right along with the rest of the city in the great calamity that befell that great civilization, so we now call them "unidentified" because we don't know which alien race they come from. The aliens have been trying to make contact with us to reestablish the trade they had with the citizens of Atlantis, but we're not as receptive to them as Atlantis was. And they really don't like the fact that we've forgotten them and insist on calling their ships "unidentified".

What do you suppose the mysterious power source of Atlantis was?

Angela said:

What do you suppose the mysterious power source of Atlantis was?

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Atlantis was and is powered by future inquiries into the many mysteries of Atlantis. Heavy quantum mechanic stuff, there. In a nutshell, Atlantis came to be because of the first person who pondered the great lost city of Atlantis. It didn't exist until after it disappeared. Grandfather paradox, sure, but we cannot dwell on that. We must continue to ponder Atlantis now in the present, and in the future, so Atlantis can exist in the past.

Why do even the most cowardly of dogs bark when someone knocks on your door? What are they realistically hoping for?

Ser Michael P said:

Why do even the most cowardly of dogs bark when someone knocks on your door? What are they realistically hoping for?

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A: The knocking on the door is within all of canine culture. It symbolizes death, and the barking they do is symbolic of warding off the end times. They have a firm belief if their species can ward off death enough they can eventually kill it, saving them and their owner from losing one another.
Q: Why haven't extraterrestrials made themselves known to the public?

Extraterrestrials only make themselves known to really cool people who they deem no one will believe. Much to their surprise, some folks follow such things, and know how to find good barbecue. The said aliens would benefit from such knowledge. Sadly, they are too proud.

Light sabre or no light sabre?

C.bronco said:

Light sabre or no light sabre?

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"Light sabre or no light sabre" has been a heated debate among many scientists, and military officials. But it is known to a minority of Earthlings that the technology for such construction comes from otherworldly crystals, and certain metals. The actual knowledge as to how such weapons are constructed is also rather esoteric, and generally requires some force knowledge. Earthlings are too absorbed in their current technological fields to expand into outlaying areas of experience, which allow such weapons to be forged.

Why do so many people dislike spiders?

Spiders can read minds and then write little sarcastic stories based on the thoughts they read in people's minds. The webs they weave actually contain a secret spider alphabet used to send the message out to other spiders, who then convey it even further. The Chinese have already discovered a way to decipher those messages and are now printing them on t-shirts.

What colour is the dark side of the Moon?

The dark side of thhe moon is burnt umber, one of my favorite crayon colors.

How do lemmings know where tp find the nearest cliff?