BS your way through

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
Well, basilisk lizards are not called "Jesus lizards" for nothing. They walk on water because they believe that they are on a messianic mission to save the world. How they will save the world by walking on water is not entirely clear, but perhaps we will all take them more seriously when they begin to perform other sorts of miracles - like turning water into wine. Now, for humans to be able to walk on water, the only way that will happen is if we all become lizards, which may not be possible, except for those individuals with truly reptilian personalities.



How would a Wiccan or a Zoroastrian fare if they were running for U.S. President?
 

Niniva

Life is just a bowl of cherries...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 27, 2008
Messages
751
Reaction score
130
Location
Athens, GA
Everyone knows America is a Christian nation and Christ would have to return to take care of that personally, leading to that whole second-coming thing. I recommend against letting Wiccans run for office.

Why are drugs so popular with opium addicts?
 

willfulone

I am a zebra...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
2,477
Reaction score
572
Location
where I can be found
That is a lie started by dealers. The truth is the flowers are popular when the addict is high. Since they puke if they eat the flowers (which was tried several times), dealers found a way for addicts to enjoy the flowers without vomiting. Thus, drugs.

Where do thoughts go when we forget them?
 

willfulone

I am a zebra...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
2,477
Reaction score
572
Location
where I can be found
Do you ever gossip?

No, I do not. But, I tell you….I know this girl. She sure gossips. We (around the coffee pot at work) call her "blabbermouth" behind her back. It is too bad. She is really a nice girl. She just cannot stop her gossip and it is very off putting to those of us who do not cotton to that type of thing. I mean, really Nymtoc. You know how it is when gossip gets around – it is ugly. I never told anyone that you wear bunny slippers. You don’t want that getting around do you? No, that would be gossip if I told and I do not gossip. ;)

Why do stars appear to wink at us?
 

Snowstorm

Baby plot bunneh sniffs out a clue
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Messages
13,722
Reaction score
1,121
Location
Wyoming mountain cabin
When you stare at a star, our iris will contract which lets in less light and dims the light (as you see it) of the star. As the star appears to dim, you blink. The blinking resets the iris to its wider opening, which lets in more light so the star appears brighter. This continual stare (dim), blink (brighter) appears to the human mind that the star is winking.

How to telemarketers know when most inconvenient time to call?
 

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
Because telemarketers have done extensive market research to determine that the most inconvenient times to call are:

1. During dinner.
2. During sex.
3. When you have just stepped out of the shower, dripping wet.
4. When you are sleeping.
5. When you are experiencing a moment of creative brilliance.


If you track down a telemarketer and kill them, would your actions fall under the category of 'justifiable homicide' ?
 

Nymtoc

Benefactor Member
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
Messages
43,833
Reaction score
3,366
Location
Between the lines
If you track down a telemarketer and kill them, would your actions fall under the category of 'justifiable homicide' ?

Yes. In fact, I have dispatched a total of six this year, and no charges have been filed against me so far.

MOOSE%20ANWR%20250X187.jpg
 

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
...do you or your pet moose care to pose a question?
 

Nymtoc

Benefactor Member
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
Messages
43,833
Reaction score
3,366
Location
Between the lines
Sorry, my moose needed attention.

As all our financial instutions go under, where should I put my money? (Assuming I had any, of course.)
 

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
During uncertain economic times, that old standby, the mattress can always be relied upon to keep your money safe. A mattress of course, pays no interest - unless there is something interesting happening on top of the mattress to catch its attention. But then again, too much activity on or about the mattress might tempt dishonest parties to slip their fingers into the bed springs and relieve you of your nest egg. Perhaps a niche beneath a floor board is a better idea.


Are the best things in life free?
 

willfulone

I am a zebra...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
2,477
Reaction score
572
Location
where I can be found
Well, in many cases - yes. Sunshine, rainbows, wildflowers, love, smiles, hugs, etc. are all free. However, some of the other best things in life are not. Ice cream for instance is not free and it is dog gone near a perfect thing. Thus, it is one of the best. And, even if you make your own, there are costs involved. And, on the flip side, some of the worst things are free too - STD's, bad advice, etc.

Is there truly a balance between good and evil in that ya win some, ya lose some?
 

Nymtoc

Benefactor Member
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
Messages
43,833
Reaction score
3,366
Location
Between the lines
Is there truly a balance between good and evil in that ya win some, ya lose some?

Well, it's true that ya win some and ya lose some, but there's no balance--none, zilch, zero. Sometimes your losses overwhelm your gains by miles. Just look at Wall Street.

:(

If you were in the NFL, what position would you play--and why?
 
Last edited:

willfulone

I am a zebra...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
2,477
Reaction score
572
Location
where I can be found
"Wally" is a boy who could not swallow pills. He tried and tried, his mommy even took him to the doctor to get one of those special pill swallowing cups (yes they used to have such a thing - not sure if they do since I was 10 - but I had one). He could not swallow them. He always gagged - thus, the "gaggger". One time when he gagged he vomited a little. Hence the extra "g" in the word. That "g" stands for gross due to the vomit part.

Why do they say your palm "itches" to smack someone, when it is really your anger wishing to do so?
 

sixdogman

Registered
Joined
Apr 8, 2008
Messages
20
Reaction score
3
The gland that secretes anger is located in the palm, and the chemical agent is actually used in itchy warfare. When you get angry your palm may become itchy, hence the phrase.

what color is running?
 

Deccydiva

Back from the dead
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 22, 2008
Messages
2,197
Reaction score
222
Location
Ireland
That's fairly simple one. When you get mad, your brain releases a chemical which triggers a reflex action down the arm into the palm of the hand. Hence clenching fists as another feature of anger. This reflex action causes the nerves in the palm to come closer to the surface, which is why people experience the "itch".
It also explains why your hands stings so much after the slap.

Why are men incapable of admitting they are lost or asking another man for directions?
 

Deccydiva

Back from the dead
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 22, 2008
Messages
2,197
Reaction score
222
Location
Ireland
ooops, the penalty of spending time on a reply on what looked like a quiet thread!!!!!! :flag: Referee!
 

willfulone

I am a zebra...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
2,477
Reaction score
572
Location
where I can be found
Absolutely NO penalties. We just do two at one time when this occurs, it happens often enough you should not worry.:)

"what color is running?"

A: At my house the runs are brown. And if it is running down a leg - it is still brown.

"Why are men incapable of admitting they are lost or asking another man for directions?"

Well it is not that they are incapable of admitting they are wrong that prevents this (although they usually are wrong ;)). What prevents this is that they are actually smart enough to know that if they are lost and they ask the next guy - he is in same predicament. So, why ask at all?

If melanin in skin gives pigment - what gives feathers the variety of colors in birds (their skin is pink under there)?
 

Deccydiva

Back from the dead
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 22, 2008
Messages
2,197
Reaction score
222
Location
Ireland
In birds, the melanin is coloured and it sweats out of the pores of the skin according to the bird's genetic make-up. This eases into the feathers to dye them the appropriate colour.
I thought, as writers, everyone would know how feathers soaked up ink!


Why do deciduous trees drop all their leaves over a relatively short time instead of gradually, so they could be replaced at the same time which would make them green all year round?
 

willfulone

I am a zebra...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
2,477
Reaction score
572
Location
where I can be found
It is for they are the only considerate tree type. They wish you to only have to expend energy raking once or twice, instead of constantly. Nice trees!

Why do termites like to shred wood?
 

StephanieFox

Maybull the Bulldog
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
4,442
Reaction score
636
Location
MPLS
Why do termites like to shred wood?

It's not that they like to shred wood, but the money is too good to pass up.





What would you bring to a hot-dish party?
 

willfulone

I am a zebra...
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
2,477
Reaction score
572
Location
where I can be found
Well, the men I think are hot dishes, others often do not. But, probably Colin Firth would be my hot dish.

Why does one feel dirty after taking a bath?
 

Nymtoc

Benefactor Member
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
Messages
43,833
Reaction score
3,366
Location
Between the lines
Why does one feel dirty after taking a bath?

Because using water from the septic tank was not a good idea. Next time, use water from the well.

:D

If the "wrong" candidate wins the presidential election, would you leave the country?

[BTW, Why have all the posts suddenly become centered--or is it just my computer? Everything looks weird.]