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Thread: BS your way through

  1. #11001
    "The Moving Finger writes..." M.S. Wiggins's Avatar
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    Because the employees at Remington and Gillette would be jobless, which will result in aimlessness for some of them and then they’ll be scratching at their hairy armpits, chins, legs, and other places with one hand, clutching at a bottle of ‘Hair of the dog’—or a half-empty bag of Krispy Kreme powered donuts—with the other hand while binge-watching every season of "American Horror Story" on Amazon Prime or dark-corner documentaries on Netflix.

    Is there a map somewhere that leads to that moment of, ‘Eureka’?
    Last edited by M.S. Wiggins; 04-20-2017 at 03:03 AM.
    "...and, having writ; Moves on..."

    It was of nothing in particular, yet everything combined.


    Write,
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    Even if it's shit.
    Shit on a page is organic.
    A blank page is
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  2. #11002
    The unmighty and non-powerful One! armydillo978's Avatar
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    It was written in the Tome of Thyme that a certain map that lead to the mystical "Eureka" did exist and that it was hidden in the Temple of Sage located in the Mountains of Marjoram by Epazote tribal mystics. It is said that this place can only be found by one pure of heart......that's why I haven't found it yet. Meh.

    How can you turn a bad penny into a good penny?

  3. #11003
    Your friendly neighborhood robot possiblerobot's Avatar
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    You exorcise it.

    Why aren't more people joining my awesome book club?
    Trust me, I know what I'm doing about 70% of the time.

  4. #11004
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Bloopographer's Avatar
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    More people are very literal-minded. They would likely be interested were you to describe your book club as awful rather than awesome.

    Why is glass transparent?
    "It doesn't matter why​ they're dressed as a tiger. Have they got my leg?" —Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life

  5. #11005
    Your friendly neighborhood robot possiblerobot's Avatar
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    Because it's really shy and doesn't want to be seen.

    Why does racism exist?
    Trust me, I know what I'm doing about 70% of the time.

  6. #11006
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    Because, unfortunately, people aren't made of glass.

    Who wrote the book of love?
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  7. #11007
    The unmighty and non-powerful One! armydillo978's Avatar
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    It was the popular band The Birds and The Bee's who wrote the book of love.

    Why are barmaids called barmaids?

  8. #11008
    JoeBrat JoeBrat's Avatar
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    In the early 1400's, a wealthy man by the name of Sir Mitchell McMonty had a full staff of maids. One of his best maids could no longer handle his abusive behavior. So, when a friend of hers offered her a job at the local pub she accepted. Unfortunately, the pub was Sir Mitchell McMonty's favorite hangout spot. When he walked into the pub to see her serving drinks he laughed.

    "So, you quit being my house maid to be my barmaid."

    Others in the bar heard the term. In fact, everyone started using the term. So, barmaids are called barmaids because of Sir Mitchell McMonty.

  9. #11009
    JoeBrat JoeBrat's Avatar
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    Opps, I forgot to add a question.

    Why are the letters of the alphabet shaped the way they are shaped?

  10. #11010
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Bloopographer's Avatar
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    Nobody knows. Hang on a sec while I make a call. ... ... Okay. I wasn't able to get any answers. I'd barely started to speak when Nobody hung up, mumbling something about "super-secret" and "no eyes only".

    [shrug] It's a mystery.

    Are we still evolving?
    "It doesn't matter why​ they're dressed as a tiger. Have they got my leg?" —Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life

  11. #11011
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
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    We have never evolved. We are exactly the same as we were when the great god Mbombo barfed up the world.*

    *from a Bakuba myth.


    Should people who text while driving be sentenced to life in prison or to a week caddying for Trump at Mar-a-Lago?

  12. #11012
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    How about life in prison with Trump?

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  13. #11013
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Bloopographer's Avatar
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    They do, actually. But only during those rare occasions of hot-rainfall. And their shrinkage is offset by the growth spurt triggered by this wacky phenomenon.

    What causes static?
    "It doesn't matter why​ they're dressed as a tiger. Have they got my leg?" —Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life

  14. #11014
    The unmighty and non-powerful One! armydillo978's Avatar
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    Static is caused by rubbing several sheep together. Not wet sheep like what Mary M. has, but dry sheep like everyone else. Of course you have to be strong to pick up at least two sheep and rub them together. The sheep aren't terribly fond of it either. Static is created when their wooly sides are rubbed frantically together. Sometimes rogue sheep will do this on purpose and walk up to the their owner and shock them.

    Why do fish swim.

  15. #11015
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
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    They are taught to swim in schools.

    If you go to a fancy dinner party, and there are bowls of flowers on the table, are you supposed to eat them?

  16. #11016
    The practice of laying out bowls of flowers on the table before supper is actually of Pagan origin. The ancient Celts believed that if their foods were embued with scents of vibrant plants on the eve of battle, that they too would be vibrant and strong the day of. As such, the practice is merely a traditional and cursory gesture, no eating intended.

    We've been gathering evidence against you for weeks. You are hereby charged with illegally downloading 20,000 dollars worth of media, mostly badly acted pornography. What do you have to say for yourself?

  17. #11017
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    Want some?

    Do dogs think in barks?
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  18. #11018
    practical experience, FTW Cobalt Jade's Avatar
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    Dogs use barks to send sub-sound coded messages to other dogs, like how email messages are sent in packets. The packets are decoded by the other dog's brain. Thus it is possible for all dogs in an area to be in communication all the time. However what they communicate is mostly where the food and squirrels are, and the good peeing places.

    Why do some women neglect their toenail polish so all that remains are tiny stubs of uneven color?

  19. #11019
    In evolutionary psychology, this phenomenon is known as the "Bait and switch." Typically, this is one of the first signs. It's part of an elaborate test on part of the female to see whether the male has the capability for commitment, even when the female's bright plumage and shiny bobbits are absent.

    Why are most people that refer to themselves as sapiosexual massively full of shit?

  20. #11020
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Bloopographer's Avatar
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    Who better to answer than a sapiosexual like myself? See, the thing is, as a sapiosexual, I'm not into body-type stuff at all. I mean, a body that's alive—able to walk and talk and maybe look around with its eyes and all that is obviously, well, necessary, but other than that, bleh. Whatever. Because I'm not big on physical stuff, I'm not big on physical stuff. Including my own physical stuff. As long as I've got wit and what not, I'm happy. Like this: And sometimes even this: Needless to say, sapiosexuals—like myself—tend to neglect their bodies. And their bodily needs. It's a little gross, but—*shrug*—not really. To a sapiosexual, that is.

    What happens to metal after it rusts?
    "It doesn't matter why​ they're dressed as a tiger. Have they got my leg?" —Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life

  21. #11021
    The unmighty and non-powerful One! armydillo978's Avatar
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    After metal rusts, it retires to a home for elderly metallurgians.....there, they are cared for by qualified metallurgists till they need eventually pass onto to shavings. Sadly this happened to the Tin Woodsman years ago. There was a lot of crying....which led to more rust and the early demise of more Tin Woodspeople.

    Why can't people from the UK speak proper english? Specifically the Scotts.

  22. #11022
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    Yeerrrr daft, man. The Scots speak perrrfectly goood English. Awa' an bile yer heid. (If only I knew how to spell a glottal stop )

    Where do bubbles go when they burst?
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  23. #11023
    The unmighty and non-powerful One! armydillo978's Avatar
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    Ahhh, that's a tricky one....but all bubbles bursting go to Beavin. They are met at the bubbly gates by St. Globular who welcomes them and guides them to a coalesce center where they reform into golden globes. It's beautiful to see.

    Why does the ice in my drinks melt to quickly?

  24. #11024
    "The Moving Finger writes..." M.S. Wiggins's Avatar
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    Axiom of Causality.

    What would happen if the arrow of time came to a four-way stop intersection?
    "...and, having writ; Moves on..."

    It was of nothing in particular, yet everything combined.


    Write,
    Always.
    Even if it's shit.
    Shit on a page is organic.
    A blank page is
    Inert.
    MSusanneWiggins.com
    Twit Me

  25. #11025
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    That's what really causes black holes.

    Are tigers black with orange stripes or orange with black stripes?
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

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