Hi guys, this is my first post.
I wrote my first novel over two years ago and since been reworking/editing etc. Most of my rewrites were done in third person limited pov, however I've felt like it's been missing something. Anyways, I'm trying to write a verson in the objective pov. I know this is a hard and daunting way to go, but I want to give it a shot. The question is, I feel like I'm missing something and not totally grasping the idea.
I have searched the forum but still feel I haven't found enough info to answer my questions. Here are two short examples, one descriptive and one with dialogue.. Any tips and guidance would be great. Thanks.
“Selene,” Forrest yelled. “Selene!” The evanescent aura of tits and attitude neither strayed nor slowed but continued away from the young man’s cry. Lips tensed, he rubbed his cheek with his left fingertips and followed behind along the platform walk.
The scene, incredibly dense and depressing, was barren. The station’s podium had been transformed into a frozen picturesque still of Hell. Late afternoon fog had come in from the bay, bringing salt and cold rain. A few Amtrak employees moved about but the weather had kept the remaining farewells and well-wishers inside, even smokers onboard the train.
AND...
“What’s so funny?” she asked. He shifted his body away from the train and shrugged, the smile gone.
“Nothing, well...” Again his lip curled. “The train looks funny, that’s all.”
“What?”
“It looks like a giant piece of silver shit or something.”
“Grow up Forrest.”
“Oh for the love of God, chill out.” The expression on his face went from comical to blank. “Christ, I didn’t know the words I said would hurt so much.”
“Learn to think before you speak.”
“Well, you didn’t have to slap me.”
“What did you expect?” she said, her face placid. Her eyebrows resembled little black, upside down crescent moons. She then turned her gaze and adjusted her slim-fitted long coat, fastening a button that had come loose. The yellow, double-breasted coat flared down to her knees. She appeared sophisticated and sharp.
I wrote my first novel over two years ago and since been reworking/editing etc. Most of my rewrites were done in third person limited pov, however I've felt like it's been missing something. Anyways, I'm trying to write a verson in the objective pov. I know this is a hard and daunting way to go, but I want to give it a shot. The question is, I feel like I'm missing something and not totally grasping the idea.
I have searched the forum but still feel I haven't found enough info to answer my questions. Here are two short examples, one descriptive and one with dialogue.. Any tips and guidance would be great. Thanks.
“Selene,” Forrest yelled. “Selene!” The evanescent aura of tits and attitude neither strayed nor slowed but continued away from the young man’s cry. Lips tensed, he rubbed his cheek with his left fingertips and followed behind along the platform walk.
The scene, incredibly dense and depressing, was barren. The station’s podium had been transformed into a frozen picturesque still of Hell. Late afternoon fog had come in from the bay, bringing salt and cold rain. A few Amtrak employees moved about but the weather had kept the remaining farewells and well-wishers inside, even smokers onboard the train.
AND...
“Nothing, well...” Again his lip curled. “The train looks funny, that’s all.”
“What?”
“It looks like a giant piece of silver shit or something.”
“Grow up Forrest.”
“Oh for the love of God, chill out.” The expression on his face went from comical to blank. “Christ, I didn’t know the words I said would hurt so much.”
“Learn to think before you speak.”
“Well, you didn’t have to slap me.”
“What did you expect?” she said, her face placid. Her eyebrows resembled little black, upside down crescent moons. She then turned her gaze and adjusted her slim-fitted long coat, fastening a button that had come loose. The yellow, double-breasted coat flared down to her knees. She appeared sophisticated and sharp.