SciFi/Fantasy First Line Game

AMCrenshaw

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Since the last thing I wrote sucked so bad no one would follow,

Can this be read by itself as a complete thought? I wouldn't say so, which makes it a dependent clause. "No one would follow" isn't independent of the clause as it is connected to "so"-- the word "that" is implied: "So bad that no one would follow" is the actual clause, I believe.

I was doomed to wander the empty plane between life until another brave soul put pen to pad.

This is an independent clause.


(this isn't a chat) my entry:

Maria, naked and blue and illuminated by the moon, opens her third eye.



AMC
 
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waylander

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My father had been dead three years when he came looking for me
 

ELMontague

I always appreciate kind shepherding of my words when they stray dangerously close to error. My entry has been modified to avoid the appearance of impropriety.

My next attempt:

Grandma taught me the sight of the third eye so I could catch peeping Toms who follow me, hoping for a glimpse of me moonlight tanning in the nude.
 

ELMontague

We lost everything when Mallard Enterprises folded during the lunar depression.
 

ELMontague

I began looking for someone to love me on the planet Cherlan, but ended up sad and alone beside a duck pond.
 

badducky

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Paul knew he was lucky to have survived the gatecrash; everyone told him he was lucky.

[I've worked long and hard coming up with a first-line with a semi-colon that is correct and compelling, and I stole part of a line from someone mentioned in a Nancy Kress non-fic book. After over a week of thinking and plotting and scheming, this is the only one I can come up with. If that doesn't tell you about why you should avoid semi-colon openers, that should. Best, BD]
 

Pthom

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Semicolons, used that way (yes, properly) combine two very closely related, but otherwise complete sentences. In other words, "Paul knew he was lucky to have survived the gatecrash" stands alone as a sentence as does "Everyone told him he was lucky". According to Strunk and White, it's 'permissible' but not, as you point out, the best solution always, especially for an opener. It is, however, sometimes better than using "and" instead. A stylistic choice. (Another use for semicolons that is really lousy in most fiction prose, is in a list of phrases following a colon: like this phrase; another phrase, one with a comma this time; alternative uses for phrases, like this; and you get the idea. The preceding is, in my opinion, to be avoided with a passion.)

Now my entry:
It was going to take forever, Miles thought, to get a divorce from his wife, the windmill.
 

badducky

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Also, if you don't know what a semi-colon sounds like, don't use it. You're better off without it.

The best person to talk to about semi-colon sounds is a University Professor of Grammar and/or Linguistics.

Any around here?

Anyhow...

My entry:

Who would know if I took the egg from the Phoenix Box?
 

Euan H.

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My father had been dead three years when he came looking for me
Three years after I died, I went looking for my son--that dirty rat-bastard.

badducky said:
The best person to talk to about semi-colon sounds is a University Professor of Grammar and/or Linguistics
I studied Linguistics (I may even be a professor someday, when I find the secret decoder ring), and I can say with confidence that the absolute last person you should ask for advice on how to use a semi-colon in fiction is a uni. prof. Especially in Linguistics. For rules, yes, but advice on style? :e2thud:
 

ELMontague

I lived a good life, lived by all the rules, cared for others, was honest in all my dealings, and this is my reincarnation.
 

Donkey

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Returning to the earthly plane as a mule wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't remember every single one of my past lives; waking up from sex dreams is a bitch.
 

badducky

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Returning to the earthly plane as a mule wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't remember every single one of my past lives; waking up from sex dreams is a bitch.

This is not grammatically correct usage, at all.

The reason, here, is both the non-equivalent nature of the two sentences and the law of parallellism which states that the verbs must be in the same case. Fiction is more flexible on that than other forms, but it is still a very good grammatical rule to follow, and helps readers stay in the moment of the story.

(I should have known folks would take my semi-colon info as a challenge... Don't! It's not a challenge, but a warning! Semi-colons=difficult and oft'-misused!)

My entry:

Do not sleep in subspace.
 

Donkey

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My entry:

Do not sleep in subspace.

On the other hand, this begs for a semi-colon and the completion of the thought. ;)



My entry:

The Oracle warned us to stay away from the trees, but it wasn't until we lost Crewman Shaw that we realized she wasn't being metaphorical.
 
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Donkey

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I was only there an hour when I was approached by two bearded men in tie-dye muumuus and told I wasn't welcome in their dimension.