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Thread: How supportive is your spouse/so?

  1. #1
    practical experience, FTW
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    How supportive is your spouse/so?

    I was sitting at the computer last night, kids are finally in bed, and my wife walks by peers over my shoulder and says, "oh, you're writing more stories," she says it sarcastically. I try to do it every night, but it seems whenever I sit down, she has to make a sarcastic comment or be insulting. After her comments I always have a hard time getting back to it.

    Do you have a supportive spouse? If not, what do you do to keep going?

  2. #2
    practical experience, FTW c2ckim's Avatar
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    Have any of your stories sold? Maybe she, like my husband is waiting for the $$$ to start coming in. My husband is supportive in the fact that he's never denied me the oppurtinity to write. Sometimes its what they don't say(in my case) that doesn't set right.
    Have you tried explaining to your wife why you spend so much time writing instead of being or doing things with her? Maybe if she understood your need to write, or your love of writing she too would be more understanding. It couldn't hurt
    Last edited by c2ckim; 08-30-2006 at 08:22 PM. Reason: mis-spelling
    www.roguephoenixpress.com 3/25/09 The Darkness Within July 25, 2009
    Meghan's Legacy- Sept.1, 2009; Shadow Chaser- Jan 2010- Witness- Feb 1, 2010 ;Legacy of Murder- April 2010; Secrets and Lies, July 2010; The Prophet out in Oct- Bucks County Publishing; The Unknown Son- Rogue Phoenix Press- out in Oct.
    Avalon Books- No One To Hear You Scream coming out Dec 2010
    Web page: www.kjdahlen.com

  3. #3
    ^
    Last edited by Mystery1; 01-18-2007 at 10:23 PM.

  4. #4
    practical experience, FTW
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    I have a supportive spouse, but it wasn't always that way. Same scenario as you, until I sold a novel to a major pub house. Only then came validation and space to continue my work. He nearly went overboard in the other direction, and admitted feeling guilty for giving me a hard time prior to success.
    At the time, honestly, I pretty much just ignored the comments in the same manner I ignored the laundry and the dirty dishes.
    Being rather sarcastic myself, I sometimes replied to the exasperated "You're writing AGAIN for chrissakes?" comments with something that I hoped would convey the relative harmlessness of my obsession....something like, "Yeah, I ran out of crystal meth so I needed to replace it with another vice: typing."
    We were never combative per se, but it was something that put us at odds, and it took someone besides me to tell the spouse it was a worthwhile endeavor.
    I know that doesn't help much, but at least know you're far from alone...

  5. #5
    crazy spec fic writer L M Ashton's Avatar
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    I have a supportive spouse, but it wasn't always that way. At one time, I wasn't married. Seriously, he's extremely supportive, but he's also a writer. That should pretty much explain everything. And if you see me bantering with a long-haired dude here, it's probably him.

    I'm sorry you don't.

  6. #6
    practical experience, FTW
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    Years ago when I was still a sensitive male I tried talking it out with her, why I wrote, what pleasure it gave me, the sense of accomplishment I got, and I watched as her eyes glazed over and in the middle of our conversation she got up to give herself a pedicure.

    No, this isn't something that will resolve. I can accept that.

    I'm mostly interested in ways to cope with it.

  7. #7
    Never be completely back to normal. Mel's Avatar
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    Yes and no. He doesn't care if I write or not and doesn't ask much. Flip side, he doesn't have any problem with what I do on the computer and surprised me with a laptop last X-mas. He gives me space to do what I want.

    ::he's a keeper!::
    Melanie A.

  8. #8
    I need espresso & chocolate! DeborahM's Avatar
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    No, not a problem. He's dead...but he was supportive of my writing when he was alive and I was getting serious about writinga few years back.

    Now there's no problem at all except when my cat decides he wants my attention, which'll last about 5 minutes and I'm back to work.
    Some tiny thoughts can be loud.

    As Deb drifts toward bottom, mask held in place
    Her mirth climbs to the surface, fins drawn in grace
    And young niece sifting bubbles, rises in space
    To join aunt in this peace, love born to haste. - Silver King

  9. #9
    Never be completely back to normal. Mel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkinsonsd
    I'm mostly interested in ways to cope with it.
    Does she have any hobbies? Bring up the things she likes to do that don't really interest you. You respect what time she puts into them so why shouldn't she reciprocate? It's a two way street.
    Melanie A.

  10. #10
    You want me to write what? sdarb's Avatar
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    Yes and no. He is supportive in my goal of building a freelance writing business and to ulitmately write a book. But, there are nights (the only time I have right now to do most of my writing) that he much would rather I sit on the porch with him and watch the sunset.

    Plus, most non-writers don't understand that when you are in the writing "zone" any interruption can make you crazy and those great thoughts you were so close to putting into words just go "poof"!!
    "Know something, sugar? Stories only happen to people who can tell them."
    Allan Gurganus




  11. #11
    practical experience, FTW
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    My husband is so supportive that he nags me when I'm not writing. "Why are you knitting, get back to work!?" He can't beta read for me but he likes to see my work.

    He used to have the fantasy that I'd sell a novel, become the next great bestseller and we could retire off my good fortune. heh. Lucky for me, husband has met several of my FT writer friends who have sold several novels, and had some success, yet they still have to keep day jobs and struggle for new contracts. He's starting to realize what a lighting strike that kind of fame can be. Now he'll settle for my simply getting published.

  12. #12
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Boo22's Avatar
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    My husband is very supportive. He's my beta reader and although he doesn't offer intense, specific feedback, at least he's honest with me. After reading the first draft of my WIP, he told me that it was really good and made him want to finish it to see how it ended. But he also pointed out that "there's not much action". So I see I have some work to do in the plot development department.

    What really made me smile was when he said, "When I read this I just wish you could quit your job and do it full time." So do I, of course, but having him say it just meant so much.

  13. #13
    practical experience, FTW c2ckim's Avatar
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    I have high hopes of writing full time but then life interrupted. My daughter needed someone she could trust to babysit until the yougest went to school. That day finally arrives on Friday so maybe I'll get some serious work done now. But getting back to the problem first posed..

    Maybe get your wife involved with your story, ask for her opinion on something you want to fit into your book. That way she wouldn't feel so left out when you sit down to write. Could be she just wants you to spend more time with her!
    www.roguephoenixpress.com 3/25/09 The Darkness Within July 25, 2009
    Meghan's Legacy- Sept.1, 2009; Shadow Chaser- Jan 2010- Witness- Feb 1, 2010 ;Legacy of Murder- April 2010; Secrets and Lies, July 2010; The Prophet out in Oct- Bucks County Publishing; The Unknown Son- Rogue Phoenix Press- out in Oct.
    Avalon Books- No One To Hear You Scream coming out Dec 2010
    Web page: www.kjdahlen.com

  14. #14
    figuring it all out
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    My partner is supportive, although I know he sometimes feels neglected. Also he doesn't always understand why the dishes aren't done and the house is still a mess even though I've been home all day. The problem may be that he thinks of my writing as a hobby, and I see it as my mission.
    One way I found to ease potential conflict is that I schedule time off with him, even when my fingers are aching for a keyboard. I keep a small notebook with me just in case something comes to me that I just have to write down.
    He is of course more supportive with every article or short story I sell, apparently money enhances my credibility with him.
    In general I find that my family humors me about writing, as if one day I'll take up dog sled racing in Alaska and trade in my quill for a pair of mukluks. The only way I've found to counter this is that I take my writing seriously. For example, if I have a deadline looming I don't agree to take my Grandchildren for the night so the big kids can get another eyebrow piercing.
    Though eyes may roll, I stay consistent. I make sure I spend time with everyone, but I resist the temptation to be all things to everyone and I make writing a priority.

  15. #15
    My DBF is very supportive of my writing. He's a workaholic like me, so he's low-maintenance because he leaves me alone to write as much as I want. But seriously, he believes in me and my writing even more than I believe in myself sometimes. It's so wonderful to have that kind of support. My parents, on the other hand, view my writing as a cute hobby. So naturally, I listen to DBF.

  16. #16
    wishes you happiness JennaGlatzer's Avatar
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    Hi. This doesn't belong on the Newbies board. I'm moving it to Novels unless you were referring to a different sort of writing, Parkinsonsd. If so, lemme know.
    I am no longer here. If you'd like to visit me, please find me at www.jennaglatzer.com or on Facebook. Thanks!

  17. #17
    Moderator In Name Only AW Moderator Roger J Carlson's Avatar
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    Well, I do have a supportive spouse, but even in her support, she's a distraction. She'll want to tell me something or ask me something and I lose the thread of what I'm trying to write. But instead of trying to get her to stop talking to me (something that I really don't want to do anyway), I took a different tack.

    I get up an hour early every day, go to the restaurant with my laptop for coffee (only I drink coffee, not the laptop) and I write for an hour. Every day. I can write about 500 to 800 words in that hour and I can spend my evenings with my wife in peace.
    --Roger J. Carlson

  18. #18
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin country-writer's Avatar
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    My ex used to burn my writings and journals. He used to tell me that I was a rotten writer. He had more issues than most.

    My new husband is the reason I am published now. His belief in my talents brought out by four years of letter writing (we met through a personal ad eons ago) so we wrote a lot of letters before we actually "met."

    Between his encouragement and my joining The Cat Writers' Association a few years ago both of these events have led me to the life I live today.

  19. #19
    Banned RJLeahy's Avatar
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    My wife is very supportive, but then she has a fulfilling career as well. She actually loves the new novel I'm working on to the point that she keeps printing out first draft pages just to see what the characters are doing.

    This is also a woman who tolerates my fondess for fine scotch and cigars without comment. No greater compliment hath man to give.

  20. #20
    practical experience, FTW Southern_girl29's Avatar
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    He's supportive in the fact that he wants me to write, asks about what I'm writing, etc. But, he doesn't like how I often let other things go when I'm reading. He'll do his part of the housework and mine still won't be done because I'm writing.

    Or, I'll be working away, completely in the zone, and he starts talking to me. When I asked him what he said, he often gets a little annoyed.
    Querying: The Devil Herself -- Southern Gothic Young Adult

    Outlining -- No title yet, but in the outlining phase.

  21. #21
    5 W's & an H Sassenach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkinsonsd
    Years ago when I was still a sensitive male I tried talking it out with her, why I wrote, what pleasure it gave me, the sense of accomplishment I got, and I watched as her eyes glazed over and in the middle of our conversation she got up to give herself a pedicure.

    No, this isn't something that will resolve. I can accept that.

    I'm mostly interested in ways to cope with it.
    I'll be blunt...you've got a real problem. A spouse who's regularly "sarcastic and insulting" about an activity that's important to you seems to be maing it abundantly clear how much she values you.
    I feel God in this Chili's.
    -Pam Beesley









  22. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by country-writer
    My ex used to burn my writings and journals. He used to tell me that I was a rotten writer. He had more issues than most.
    Holy crap! That just blows.

    My wife is very supportive... to a point. She's always been very supportive verbally, and reminds me that she's banking on my writing when I get 'rich and famous. But when we were first married, she didn't understand that it takes me some time to warm up the engine every night. So we had the talk about what it meant for me to be able to write, and she got accustomed to going to bed alone.

    We're remodelling our entire house and doing some major landscaping work in our yard, all by ourselves. It's back-breaking work, and there have been times when she will say that this project or that project is more important than what I'm doing. But that doesn't happen nearly as often as it used to. We've kind of come to a kind of agreement where she will try to leave me be as much as possible during the week, but on Saturdays I belong to her.
    WORD PROBLEMS: The continuing chronicle of Wesley's quest to be published; plus comments on popular culture, family life, and whatever else falls out of his head.

  23. #23
    Midnight Reading MidnightMuse's Avatar
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    Write the perfect murder, then when you query, admit to having first-hand experience.



    (sorry - single person here, and my cats -- and sister/roomie- support me completely)

  24. #24
    Absolutely Fazed
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    Very. He holds down a full time job so I can write full time. I quit my job of nine years mid-June, and we both agreed I'd give this full time writing thing a bit of a go for a few months.

  25. #25
    banned as an incurable tosspot SpookyWriter's Avatar
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    My ex-wife would be really supportive if she weren't alive to nag me.

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