Love at first sight trope

It has to be something more than insta-lust. It has to be an emotional/intellectual/whatever connection. They both see something comic in a situation that no one else seems to realize is comic or they both stop to help someone whom nobody else is helping or they both stop, awestruck, in front of a painting or a sunset—something like that. They have to recognize a connection between them that isn't just sexual. Insta-lust is a one-night stand. You need something that could last.

blackcat777 said:

At what point does love at first sight make you want to throw a book at the wall?

What needs to be in place for something closer to insta-romance to happen but still maintain credibility?

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The trope doesn't work for me because I like to fall in love along with the characters. If they have insta-love, it's like having an insta-orgasm the moment they look at each other, as opposed to building up the sexual tension or the anticipation.

It's also difficult to make love at first sight believable in a story. I've heard people say that when they met their partners for the first time, one look was all they needed. They knew right then and there that this was the person for them. But just because something happened in real life doesn't mean it can be transposed unchanged into a story. Truth is stranger than fiction. In a romance novel, the characters' connection has to be plausible, and if all I have to go on is that they looked at each other, it's likely that the characters will seem shallow to me, because they fall in love with someone's looks.

Sometimes authors will try to get around this by having the characters be the reincarnated souls of people who were lovers in another life. Or they're soulmates (bondmates, heartmates, etc) and the moment they meet, the soulmate bond is triggered. Or her inner wolf recognizes him as her alpha. But to me, all that does is remove the characters' agency and make matters easy for the author, who doesn't need to show why these characters find each other sexy or fall in love. In the worst such cases I've read, the characters are actively nasty to each other - ranging from sneers and sexist insults to kidnapping - but we're supposed to buy that this is all prompted by love, because reincarnation. Because the Soul-Stars on their foreheads are glowing. Isn't that enough?

Insta-lust is fine, but I can't see any way insta-romance would work for me. Other readers might love this trope, though - romance is a vast genre and caters to lots of different tastes.

ETA : I just realized, I'm taking "love at first sight" literally. As in, you look at the other person, you're in love. If, instead, it means "you spend a few days with the other person, you're in love", I'd find that more plausible. Anything where, as Lil said, there's an emotional and mental connection (and saying that the look instantly forged an emotional and mental bond probably wouldn't fly).

It really depends on my mood and my ability to suspend my disbelief long enough. I don't overly mind the "soulmate" or reincarnation just as long as the writer doesn't rely on it as the entire reason the couple is together. As I can't think of any book where love at first is done well, I will say no I can't think of when I would prefer this troupe.

If it's instant - it's lust, and as long as it's not sold as something else I think that's fine.

I think Marian Perera makes some good points about why something that happens in real life may still have something to be desired as a romance trope.

I think for it to work, there needs to be a reason for the instant connection, as Lil said. Also, there still need to be obstacles to the couple being together, perhaps something that makes them doubt the truth, mutualness, or validity of that connection for a while. Something that happens too easily and doesn't contain any obstacles for the characters to overcome won't make for a satisfying story.

Come to think of it, many romances do have the couple connecting in some meaningful way the first time they meet, but then there's a falling out or disillusionment of some kind, or something else that stands in their way.

The opposite trope, one I sometimes find even more maddening, is the "hate to love" one. This is one where the MMC (usually it's the MMC) does something utterly horrible to the FMC at the beginning of the story, so she hates him. Or maybe he's just arrogant and obnoxious and totally rubs her the wrong way. Maybe it's mutual (or he's got a misogynistic side and has never really cared for any woman) until they finally fall in love. I find this hard to relate to. I'm not saying it never works, but in my experience, lasting relationships are more likely to grow out of similarities than differences.

I love reading the one-true-love-at-first-sight romances, but it's not for me when it comes to writing. One of the themes in my book looks at what really makes an everlasting love and it's takes a lot more than infatuation.

I too love the instant love at first site stuff. Maybe at its core its really lust that turns into love, but I'm reading for the escape. Just like the billionaire who buys the virgin off the auction block...yep...I can get into that too sometimes. So it just depends but for the most part I'm good with it.

It had happened in real life, and it happens in some stories too. And I disagree with being only lust. It is possible in some cases, to be lust, but in others it is NOT. Because some characters are chaste and don't think that way. It's just a desire to know better that person, to spend more time with him/ her, to discuss more.

blackcat777 said:

The plot for my WIP demands sex at the end of the first act. I wanted to make sure it wasn't baseless.

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If it's a matter of the characters having sex at the end of the first act, that's different. I've written a romance where the hero and heroine met and then had sex, without even knowing each other's names (because for him, it was lust at first sight, and for her, she wanted to hire someone to have sex with). But after that, they gradually fell in love over the course of the story.

Roxxsmom said:

The opposite trope, one I sometimes find even more maddening, is the "hate to love" one. This is one where the MMC (usually it's the MMC) does something utterly horrible to the FMC at the beginning of the story, so she hates him. Or maybe he's just arrogant and obnoxious and totally rubs her the wrong way. Maybe it's mutual (or he's got a misogynistic side and has never really cared for any woman) until they finally fall in love. I find this hard to relate to. I'm not saying it never works, but in my experience, lasting relationships are more likely to grow out of similarities than differences.

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Enemies-to-lovers is also a difficult one to get right. It's a balancing act. The cause of the enmity has to be serious enough to buy that yes, the injured party would hate the other person now, yet there has to be a good reason for the characters to spend time together afterward (this usually leads into the forced proximity trope). The characters' personalities also have to factor into why one of them would do something to earn the other's hate, and how they would gradually overcome this.

When this trope works, though, I find it delicious. It was very enjoyable in Pride and Prejudice, and while Gone with the Wind isn't a romance, I love the development of Scarlett's and Rhett's relationship, where he's pretty arrogant at the start and she has good reason to dislike him. I agree that similarities are important in lasting relationships, but IMO, that's what the rest of the story should show. Have the inciting incident at the start, make the characters collide, then bring them together over the rest of the book, as their hostility fades and they realize they have qualities in common, or they admire things about each other.

Heck, in one of the romance manuscripts I'm querying, the first chapter ends with one of the heroes shooting the other in the back of the head, at point-blank range, with hollow-point bullets, so he intends to kill. But there's a reason for his being like this (just as there's a reason the other hero behaved in such a way as to deserve retaliation). And the romance could only go uphill from there.

I don't really believe in love at first sight. Lust at first sight, curiosity at first sight, conflict at first sight, sure... but not love. People grow into love, with all bumps and grooves along the way.

My one MC only realised accidentally that he was in love at the end of the second novel. It took the third novel in the series for his partner to come to see it too.

I like really slow burn, lol.

Enemies to lovers is perfect for learning how to handle 'slow burn' and avoiding insta-love. For me, it's always about the psychological play before love comes in.

I don't always equate love with having to have sex to validate the" love at first sight" business. I like the mystery of why the characters are so drawn to one another.I like to think that one character is looking for something and the other one has it. I understand how some commentators here think love at first sight is lust. I think everyone's own take on this is so fascinating and if you think about your own WIP,all these scenarios are valid.Really good,thought producing post.

I think its very normal for two people to be head over heels instantly. Whether it's love or lust is debatable but what matters is the pull and attraction they feel towards each other. If you take an alpha male in these novels most have been with numerous women and know the difference in how they feel when they meet the right person. In my mind it makes sense. If you've been around the block a hundred times you are very aware of your emotions, however usually the younger female is more hesitant and unsure of herself, especially if she's a virgin and may not recognize her own emotions.

I hope that post didn't come across as sexist. It's just a common theme I see played out...and one that appears in my own wip. Older alpha...younger virgin. Plus I have two more realistic characters.

I view romance very similar to fantasy. Anything goes.

blackcat777 said:

"Plausible connection" is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

The plot for my WIP demands sex at the end of the first act. I wanted to make sure it wasn't baseless.

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Ha..I like it already...love a hot sex scene at the beginning. I don't have this in my wip...but I sure like it when I see it. Especially if it's graphic and makes your pulse race. Steamy!

I just finished M.M. Kaye's autobiography. In the end of the final volume, she describes the first time she met her future husband, which was a case of love at first sight. The way she described it was not lust or even insta-love. It was recognition, even though she'd never met him before. Her first thought was, "Oh, there you are at last."
I agree, that's tricky to put into fiction. Fiction has to sound plausible

Elenitsa said:

It had happened in real life, and it happens in some stories too. And I disagree with being only lust. It is possible in some cases, to be lust, but in others it is NOT. Because some characters are chaste and don't think that way. It's just a desire to know better that person, to spend more time with him/ her, to discuss more.

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Yeah, that's fair.

I retract the lust comment, but sometimes it gets short shrift as a valid emotion.

At the risk of sounding pretentious, I'm going to quote my own WIP regarding my feelings on this:


His words kept echoing in my head. He’d said the universe had guided him to me.

I didn’t believe in destiny or love at first sight or any of that Hallmark movie crap. Even as a little kid, I’d seen the holes in that concept. Love was something that grew between people, not something that appeared in a flash of lightning.

But I wondered, now, if there was such a thing as recognizing another person at first sight. When Dev had stood in front of the class and introduced himself, I hadn’t exactly been attracted to him, but something inside me had sat up and paid attention, anyway. Partly just because he was different, in so many ways—and because I, more than anyone, had reason to notice. But it had felt deeper than that, somehow. More personal. I’d been strangely fixated on him from the very beginning, always watching him from the corner of my eye, thinking about him, wondering.

Maybe, sometimes, the subconscious mind picked up signals and noticed patterns that the conscious mind didn’t. Body language. The direction and length of a person’s gaze. Subtle changes in facial expressions. All those things conveyed information, and humans were social creatures, so our brains were hardwired to hone in on that data. Maybe there was some sense in which you could know someone at a glance—see into them in a flash, like an X-ray.

And maybe, in that moment, one of those windows had opened between us.

I had looked at him and thought, somewhere deep beneath my conscious mind, I know you. We have the same pain.