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Thread: how to write a character in hidden location watching other characters

  1. #1
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    how to write a character in hidden location watching other characters

    Hi. Since I received some helpful info via a response on this site I figured I would ask another question I had. I was wondering if there are any good examples of how to write a character watching other characters from a hidden location in screenplay. A variety of searches online haven't given me a clear cut answer on this. Some say use POV, others say don't as that isn't for the writer to determine, and one said that writing POV fell out of favor since the hey day of the slasher genre in the 1980's. I also looked at some scripts, but unsure as some may be shooting scripts with POV added by someone else or the writer. Not sure if there is a clear answer on such a question or not. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    practical experience, FTW Davy The First's Avatar
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    Can you clarify if you mean book (prose) form or script (screenplay) form?

  3. #3
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    Sorry. In screenplay format. Sorry again. Thanks for reply.

  4. #4
    Moderator AW Moderator Maryn's Avatar
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    MELISSA crouches inside a locker and looks out its vents.

    Several FRAT BOYS slap each other's bodies with twisted towels.

    FRAT BOY ONE
    Hey, knock it off.

    FRAT BOY TWO
    Make me.

    Frat Boy Two snaps his towel at Frat Boy One.

    In the locker, Melissa uses her phone to record the roughhousing.

    MELISSA
    You Delts messed with the wrong girl.

    Maryn, hoping this stupid example helps

    Edit: You could also use an INT shot for each and note that it's to be intercut.

    INT. METAL LOCKER - DAY

    MELISSA crouches inside a locker and looks out its vents.

    INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY

    Several FRAT BOYS slap each other's bodies with twisted towels.

    INT. METAL LOCKER/INT. LOCKER ROOM (INTERCUT)

    FRAT BOY ONE
    Hey, knock it off.

    FRAT BOY TWO
    Make me.

    Frat Boy Two snaps his towel at Frat Boy One.

    In the locker, Melissa uses her phone to record the roughhousing.

    MELISSA
    You Delts messed with the wrong girl.
    Last edited by Maryn; 12-08-2017 at 06:46 PM.
    "I've never had to fake sarcasm."

    Brick by Brick, a ménage à trois novel (soon to be re-released)
    Taming the Wilde, FemDom spotted--and striped--in the wild
    Men in Love, anthology about--hey, you're already there, aren't you?
    Maryn Says, an irregular blog almost never about writing
    The Occasional Tweet

  5. #5
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    Thanks for the reply Maryn. I was wondering would this apply to a scene where someone is watching from a hidden room in a wall. I know my question sounds strange, it is just that I wasn't sure if the location is a hidden room would it be considered to be another 'location'? Thanks again for the reply and your example isn't stupid, it was helpful.

  6. #6
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin JJKHawaiian's Avatar
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    cmeffa, I would write as a separate location. Not anexpert and don't mean to butt in on Maryn.

    -------------------------
    int - hidden room - night

    The stranger peering out from a hole in the wall in the hidden room looks to see what his prey is doing.
    He realizes that his prey knows something is wrong, so he pulls back.

    Cut to:

    int- kitchen - night

    Jack turns to look at Lisa.

    Jack
    Do you feel like we're being watched?
    Lisa
    Yes, and it's starting to freak me out. Let's go.
    Jack
    I have to find that book though.

    Cut to:
    -----------------
    Last edited by JJKHawaiian; 12-11-2017 at 02:20 AM.
    John Hamilton

    Email: jjkhawaiian@gmail.com
    Facebook: facebook.com/jjkhawaiian
    Twitter: twitter.com/jjkhawaiian

  7. #7
    Moderator AW Moderator Maryn's Avatar
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    I don't object to butting in with another option. I'm no expert. I just watched while people who knew their stuff answered questions.

    Actually, I think either my edit or JJK's method would work quite nicely. My original is the poorest of the lot.

    Maryn, with a melodramatic sigh
    "I've never had to fake sarcasm."

    Brick by Brick, a ménage à trois novel (soon to be re-released)
    Taming the Wilde, FemDom spotted--and striped--in the wild
    Men in Love, anthology about--hey, you're already there, aren't you?
    Maryn Says, an irregular blog almost never about writing
    The Occasional Tweet

  8. #8
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    Thanks you Maryn and JJKHawaian for the info. It is much appreciated.

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