Plagued by a story I don't want to write

Yes. Don’t resist, it can be cathartic for you.

My first novel was that way for me. It was the story of my f’d up childhood. It felt good to get the story out of me.

I agree with indianroads. Often, the need to write is as much pain as it is a pleasure, especially when it delves into the tender parts inside us where hidden wounds lie half healed. Sometimes revealing that pain through our characters' struggles is a good way to start or complete the healing process.

On the other hand, perhaps your emotional turmoil comes from a deep seated revulsion for the subject or theme of your story, in which case, delving into it may reveal things others will gain insight from.

I say tread carefully....sometime rehashing troubled areas of our lives only breathes life into a beast that maybe should stay dead and buried. However if its going to give you relief in the long run then go for it. I've written a tonne of things that I never intend on publishing, but it gets it out of my head and I can release it. Good luck to you

There are some subjects that I won't write about because I find them too insidious and revolting - rape and incest in particular.

For ME it was cathartic. As a child (12-14 years old) I lived on the street and survived by selling heroin to junkies. I saw my best friend get murdered. For ME - to write about that gave me some... I don't know... closure? Anyway, now I'm more at peace with what happened back then.

indianroads said:

There are some subjects that I won't write about because I find them too insidious and revolting - rape and incest in particular.

For ME it was cathartic. As a child (12-14 years old) I lived on the street and survived by selling heroin to junkies. I saw my best friend get murdered. For ME - to write about that gave me some... I don't know... closure? Anyway, now I'm more at peace with what happened back then.

Click to expand...

Wow, my boys are turning 12 this January, I can't imagine how hard that must have been to live on the streets at such a young age and to see that type of crime I'm glad you have found peace and closure, I would imagine your story would also help others who have maybe lived through trauma such as yours <3

BLMN said:

...and I'm being hounded by what I fear will be my next piece of work. The setting is an emotional one for me and I really don't want to spend six months of my life there, even mentally.

Click to expand...

Personally, I don't write stories that I expect will feel traumatic for me to write. It's not worth the risk to my mental health. I don't find things like this cathartic.

But eventually...I find I can often write things that I once never imagined I'd be able to. I once thought I'd never write from the POV of someone who struggles with clinical depression, especially if that POV character doesn't respond to treatment...but I did it this year. Maybe the manuscript is terrible--I haven't started editing it yet--but I suspect it's decent, and it felt good to write it. I wouldn't have been able to write that story a few years.

So if it were me, I'd put it off for now, but of course everyone is different...

I have found that the stories flow the easiest when I am facing personal turmoil. My mother had, still has untreated mental health issues. As a result I had some really bad role models for dealing with life. Books were my haven from a miserable existence and also the best way to deal with people in a sane manner. I've never managed to finish a book, but at the times of greatest emotional turmoil that's when I can find the focus to write.
Bullying is far to common in society and if you have the courage to write about and change people's attitudes then you are doing a great thing. Bullies need an audience, you don't need to change the bullies attitude, just the onlookers.
Worst case scenario you will probably find that your characters will trouble you less once you have them on paper.

When I first got the idea for my last novel, I let the scene play out in my head, and then went, "Okay, that's fine, but I don't want to write that." That was in January. In May of that year, the story started screaming so loudly in my head that after an 8 hour car trip, I sat down and hand-wrote 13 pages of notes, and within two days I had the first version of the story plotted out.

It's now 88K words and an agent is looking at the full.

You can fight it, but if the story wants out, it'll fight you to get out. Sometimes the story we don't want to write is exactly what we should be writing. Good luck, friend.

My latest WIP is one I resisted writing at first because the subject matter was uncomfortable to me. But the idea wouldn't leave me alone and once I got started, it poured out of me like nothing else I'd ever written, and I'm glad I did it.

I would just focus on writing it as therapy for starters- it can be a very cathartic process. You have the ability to distance the character from yourself, the ability to control the narrative in a way that you don't have in life. As you say, it doesn't have to be publishable if you don't want it to be.

I would never write about a subject that personally upset me, but that's a completely personal decision. Some people find it very cathartic to write about things they have personal issues with. I read and write to completely escape my issues, so the few ideas that have come through my mind involving them have been dismissed immediately. I don't lack for ideas (to put it mildly) and so have no need to write something that horribly depresses me.

I'm currently struggling with an idea that's both incredibly good and completely ill-suited to me as a writer, though. It's just too fascinating to let go of, and yet I know I could never do it justice, considering I don't even read in that genre. *sigh*

The one piece of advice I would give in this situation came from Shulem Deen, who wrote a memoir about his departure from an unusually strict and insular Hasidic Jewish community. He told the audience that he felt it was important "to write from your pain, not from your wounds." So it wasn't raw and unresolved when he sat down to write, and he wasn't using writing as a substitute for therapy. I think this is solid advice. It resonates with my own experience - I had the beginnings of an idea for a particular book four years ago, and I actually started to write, but then some terrible things happened in my personal life (I suffer from PTSD now) and even though my plot wasn't related to those events in any way, I couldn't bear to go near that novel as it reminded me too much of what had happened. If I'd pushed myself to write that book, I think the writing would have mirrored my own emotional state, and come out bleak and panicky and unfocused. So I wrote other things until the force of association wore off, and I was ready to return to it with a rejuvenated mind and heart.

I’m going to jump in here though I feel my situation is nowhere near a personal trauma. The first story I ever wrote involved my college years and some choices I made in regards to personal relationships. I got the entire thing out on paper and moved on to a sequel (as in nearly done with said sequel) before I realized that wasn’t what I really wanted to say. So I started over. Similar story line and plot but the characters became themselves with my re-write, not a fictional character modeled exactly after my decisions. And then I was able to put the original story (The one that mimicked my past) to rest. For me it was a good thing but like I said this wasn’t a personal trauma that caused me any serious emotional pain. Maybe you start writing and see where it leads. You stop when you realize it isn’t what you want to say.

BLMN said:

I am probably the only person alive who would be effected by this setting. It's just a return to a workplace and industry where I was bullied. I'm realizing though after listening to you all, that maybe it's time that I did. This whole honest writing thing really sucks.

Click to expand...

So, frankly, does the idea that every personal trauma and discomfort has to be re-lived to make "great art." This is a fallacy that remains one of my pet peeves, because it simply is harmful and untrue.

Nobody, including your subconscious brain, dictates what you write. If you want to go ahead with this, go ahead. Otherwise, find another, more relaxing project, and tell the critical mouse voices in your head to shut up. Personally, I would not take on a project that promised to be stressful unless I was relaxed, charged up, and felt like I really wanted to tackle it. Writing is too much work in its neutral form to intentionally make it "not fun."

I was in therapy (and on some freakin' awesome drugs) for years due to some ... unpleasant life experiences. One of the things I learned is that avoiding something gives it more power over you. Those against this approach call it 'pain shopping' - and there is some dispute whether confronting the trauma that's adversely affecting us is a good thing to do. I suppose it's an individual thing.

My first book was explicitly about that event, and writing it helped me immensely. That approach is not for everyone though.

The first novel I actually finished as an adult (not counting my teenage effort some 16 years earlier) was based on an awful experience I had at age 12. Parts of it were difficult to write, but it ended up being strong and visceral and it felt good to get it out.